me and my wife argue everyday. mostly is about unimportant things but lately its gotten worse. we have been married for 4 months and she complains about things i do wrong every day. why cant i just come home from work and relax like i did when we were dating? also, she doesnt trust me (i have never cheated on her though), and she doesnt like to make love to me very often. she has changed so much since we got married WTF???
2006-08-30 18:39:32 · 12 answers · asked by 70xbody 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get it over with and out of the way
2006-08-30 18:48:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a very normal thing. It takes some time to get used to being married. You need to talk to her and find out what is bothering her so the both of you can work together to resolve it. When you get married a lot usually dose change. She seems to be insecure and that can cause stress which affects the sexual appetite. Do you treat her the same way as when you were dating? This could be a part of her insecurity if you done things with her then and don't now. Talk to her and let her know that you still love her just as much as you did before you married if not more. Let her know that you are there for her and you want to take care of her.
2006-08-30 19:00:05 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Subconsciously most people pattern their behavior in marriage after what they saw at home. If both partners are patterning after very different homelife situations, then you have a real bizarre situation. But, in any event, married behavior is learned and it can be corrected and re-learned. If people aren't very good at working out compromise and "fighting fairly" on their own, they may need some marriage counseling or couples therapy to learn how to co-exist. It doesn't necessarily mean they aren't going to have a good marriage. Marriage, contrary to popular opinion, isn't a natural state and it takes some getting used to .. and a whole lot of give and take. Good luck. Don't think about throwing in the towel just yet. Sit her down at a calm time, hold her hands, look into her eyes and say, "This isn't what I thought it would be like. Is this what you thought it would be like? I want us to treat each other a lot better than we do and be happier than this. What can we do about it? How can we get better at this?" Be prepared to put some work into it. Marriage is work.
2006-08-30 18:50:19 · answer #3 · answered by Rvn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was her, 8 years ago. I was nearly divorced when we should have been so happy and in love. The problem: ME. I had all these pre-conceived notions about how it should be when we got married. As girls we fantasize about our wedding day, our honeymoon, and marriage. Only after some therapy did i realize what a b*tch I was for that first year or so. If you care about her and want this marriage to last - try to get her to talk about her expectations - more than likely -most of them are based in fantasy. There is a book that helped me "The Proper Care And Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlesinger (sp?) Sounds corny, but it put things in total perspective.
2006-08-30 18:47:15 · answer #4 · answered by lalo m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get into some counseling - both of you. If you don't, your marriage won't last a year from the sound of things. And to the misinformed person who told you this is "normal" buddy IT'S NOT! At four months into marriage you should still practically be on your honeymoon! If you are fighting like this at four months into the thing, like I said, you won't last until your first anniversary!
2006-08-30 19:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's hard for people to adjust to married life and it could take up to a year for them to get used to it. You and your new wife should sit down and ask her what's bothering her. You might be surprised what she'll say. It's not uncommon for a new wife/husband to feel insecure about their new surroundings. Dating and marriage is very different.
2006-08-30 18:46:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It took me and my wife 5 yrs. for all the arguments to stop. It took a little counseling to help with out communication skills. A little beer late night outdoors conversation and a lot of listening. I wish you and your marriage well.
2006-08-30 18:52:09 · answer #7 · answered by iaidoka1967 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember that you are two different people trying to live together. Maybe you should try talking to her about how you feel; she may not even know what she is doing. However, there may be some other underlying problem that she hasn't brought up yet.
2006-08-31 02:59:39 · answer #8 · answered by jacemo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Didn't they tell you. When a woman says I DO, it means they don't any more. It is now a power struggle. You and her are still trying to see who is going to have the power in the relationship. It will go away or you will be in divorce court. Good Luck.
2006-08-30 18:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by fast f 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my husband and i fought when we first got married after about a year it calmed down a bit.. it just takes time and maybe some counseling if it does not stop after a year.
2006-08-30 19:19:00 · answer #10 · answered by ~Mrs.C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a divorce now and save time and money , dont stay and waste ur life and look back and say dam im old and we need a divorce 20 years later
2006-08-30 19:56:01 · answer #11 · answered by DAVID G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋