What is wrong with me? Why can't I find a single shred of true happiness, even for a short time?

Question

I'm really at my wit's end. I look around, and I can see people my age, at the same university, probably no better and no worse than me, talking with other people, walking around with a smile on their face, and I don't understand why I can't do that. I have so many questions about myself, life, and the world, absolutely no answers, and no clue where to start looking.

Am I the only one that feels this frustration, confusion, and torment this vividly? If I'm not, how can the others be that happy, and why can't I pull off the same trick, even for a brief moment? Are they deluding themselves? Did they take an easy way out to find their answers, like religion or drugs or something?

If I am, what's wrong with me? Why do I feel this way, and why can't I turn it down? Is there some kind of cosmic knowledge, some piece to the puzzle that I just don't know or can't find?

What am I supposed to do? What CAN I do? And how can I believe it'll get better without any supporting evidence?

Answer 1

Buddy, there is a time and a place for everything, and it is called college. You need to start doing drugs,

Answer 2

Hi. You've got a lot on your mind and what we can say in response is limited by not knowing you better. But maybe somehow some of this will help a little.

First, you won't find the answers in your mind. The mind is a great tool for solving finite problems. But it can be a distraction from what's actually real all around you. If you tune in to what you see, hear, taste, smell and feel, THAT is reality. What you think about it all is drowning out your primary source of experience. Everyone does this to some degree. Worrying about what will happen to you or to humanity doesn't help you or humanity.

Find out about Yoga and/or meditation. Don't just go sign up for some class in it. Pick up some books at the library and skim through them, looking for something that rings a bell for you. Then find out more about whatever that book discussed. No need to rush. Start right away, but don't be in a hurry to get somewhere.

Some sort of exercise of your attention that brings you more into the present will not only relieve the stress you've been feeling. It will also allow you to appreciate the dance of the senses and be happier. When you're happy, you will have something sweet to share with the world.

If you feel like contacting me, I'd be happy to be in touch with you. Just click my avatar and it will take you to my profile page, from which you can email me. Good luck with untangling from the problems and learning how to enjoy your life.

Answer 3

Hey! Looks like we're on the same boat!
See, I go thru these feelings every moment and I think the same way u do. But we need to accept the fact that eveybody's got a different life. Also, nobody's life is perfect - everyone's got problems. Just because they laugh/smile doesn't mean they are having a happy life. There is actually nothing wrong with us. Maybe we have got many problems and they haven't. But there will be a time when we get to enjoy life like all the others do. U just need to wait and pull urself thru all this...
There's nothing really that u SHOULD do. Just live the way u want to. Even if u can't, try.

Answer 4

There's no easy answer to your questions, as you probably already know, but I do wanna tell you that you are not alone. I feel that way often, though on good days I tune it out and can be one of the people you describe. However, my best friend was like this for the past three years. It was super bad because she had moved to another province for uni. and she didn't make a single friend while there. She lived with her grandma, who nagged, to boot. She felt completrely removed from the rest of the world.
So know that this happens to others.

The hard part is getting out of the darkness. Part of it has to do with training yourself. No, it's not "fooling" yourself. I can tell you that when I feel happy, or I'm laughing with others, usually its genuine and I don't feel like I'm putting on a show just so that I don't think about how depressed I "really" am. So it's possible to reach that state and not be faking it or be fooling yourself.
The thing is, though, that I find it gets a lot harder to do that when I've been down for a few days. Your brain gets into these cycles and it's hard to get out. So you have to actually train yourself a bit to NOT think that way. Distract yourself with things that make you happy, if even a bit. Tell yourself you're okay. (Because you really are.) As much as it's painful or weird to think that part of it can be blamed on your body, it's true. Not enough sleep, wacky hormones, etc, all have an effect. They don't necessarily MAKE the problems, but they can magnify it and make you feel sadder.

My friend finally quit university and she's glad she did - not saying you should do this, but I'm saying, don'tbe afraid to look at other options. She moved back home and she started depression drugs. She was lucky in that they did help - she says she finds it easier now to talk to a stranger, and she doesn't always have this feeling of heaviness around other people, like she somehow doesn't belong - like you described. She's the same person, but more balanced and even.

I suggest talking to a therapist and seeing if you are clinically depressed. If yes, don't be afraid to try the pills.
If no, spend time with yourself to figure out what makes you happy and do more of it. Don't let your sad side take over, you have power over it. Slowly c hip away at that sad side and it will get easier to see things in a better light. In return, people might find you more approachable... it all goes in cycles!

Oy, sorry, I am totally rambling and this might not even help you a bit. Whatever you do, know that you have yourself, and that you are your very best friend. No one knows you or understands you better, and no one knows how to make you better but you. So treat yourself well, respect yourself, don't take crap from yourself, and love yourself.
If you wanna talk more, email me! lineamexicana (at) yahoo . ca

Answer 5

Instead of concentrating on what you don't have or what makes you miserable, try finding the things that make you feel good or feel happy. There is always something--take pleasure in the small things. Smiling always makes you feel better--it's hard to be totally miserable when you walk around with a smile on your face. At first it maybe forced, but soon it will become easier. Some of the things you mention having questions about, may not have any definite answers..ever. I also believe further professional help might be a benefit to you.

Answer 6

Dude, you need to relax and think of something, what is your idea of happiness? Is it having someone to be with?, is it money, a new car,friends and parties?You must reflect and find it yourself and when you know what it is, then try and accomplish it.
As far as your college mates' happines, they might be going through some rough times too, but have a different way of dealing with it, the fact that they SEEM, so careless and happy doesn't necessarily mean that's how they feel, as pointed out they might be using religion, drugs, counseling, etc.I can't tell your future but 1 thing is for certain, things will change for the better, so for now, relax, find what you want, go for it and be patient. Best of luck.

Answer 7

you COULD be happy being what you are - you could be jotting down your questions, feeling how you feel, learning about yourself, feeling out your questions, and having fun and feeling fine

you COULD be content, and accepting

you could be interested in your situation, and intrigued and interested and fascinated and patiently learning and waiting for answers to come - you could be observant of yourself, of the way things are for you, and not impatient to be otherwise

you could take yourself under your wing, and nurture yourself, with patience and humour -

you could be calm and unjudgmental, uncritical of how things are - you could be saying: this is the way things are, well, i will observe, study, learn and slowly hope to find answers

comparisons with others are pointless - you are you, they are them - your destiny is yours, theirs is theirs - you can know nothing of their journey, and it is not your concern or trouble - you are for yourself - be your own friend, dont jump to assume something is wrong, to condemn yourself - be unassuming, uncondemnatory, patient, slow, mild, easy, gentle

have the question of your life and nature in you without irritation

dont say: absolutely no answers, no clue where to start looking, can't find - you dont know these things - let things grow, develop, your life is for time for growth - life is not instant, it is rhythmic, slow, gentle, unfolding

you cant believe it will get better without evidence - but you also cant decide it wont get better without evidence - dont get frustrated because answers are not instant - dont assume you should be more like others - you cant know that -

you are having questions and you are practically jumping out of your skin about it, as if it shouldnt be, that you have questions - merge with yourself - be yourself - accompany yourself with charity along life's way - with patience and humour and quietness - without jumping to the conclusion something is wrong

for the meantime, you are the you that you are - let it be so - can you know that the you that you are is wrong, should be another way?

be amused that things are as they are - take an interest in how you are - study, observe, let be

be confused, but dont be confused by your confusion - be amused, at peace with it - confusion is a confrontation with complexity - give your mind time to process, digest, sort, deal with - confusion is normal and natural, and interesting - it leads somewhere

sit calmly in the problem, patiently waiting for the solution -

the problem is not the problem - the problem is your non-acceptance of having a problem - sit quietly and easily with the problem, like two people sitting waiting in a doctor's rooms - you are jumping up and saying: why is the problem here, what am i doing here, why am i in a room with a problem? - let the problem be, and let yourself be, and let the relation of you and the problem be

let the natural chemistry of spirit and mind work on the problem, and you take a break - you dont have to do anything - enjoy the sun, rest

Answer 8

First sit down and think aout your life. What do you have? Could it be worse? The first thing you need to relize is your going to college and that is something that most people that wont to go cant. Talk to your parent or a councler. Get a big grip on life, you could be at a hamburger joint making minimum wage trying to make ends meet.

Answer 9

I'm not saying this will help you but I'm going to tell you what helps me. The point of life is there is no point in life. We are not here because we are special it just happened, evolution. Don't think our lives have a greater purpose, they don't. Try to realize that this is it. This is the only time you will ever be alive. Don't think about death and the after life in Heaven there isn't one. Live your life to the fullest be happy with what ever your doing. If I have nothing else to look forward to then I have to make everyday count. Sorry If I offended anyone.

Answer 10

First are you honest with yourself? Second do you know how lucky you are to have life. Third are you generous. If you don't give yourself freely you can't be happy. Live in the moment and don't project your conclusions on the world. Let the world surprise.

Answer 11

True happiness can be found anywhere- in your friends, family, even in your environment. You just have to know how to find it, and unlock it. This is not really a trick. it doesn't really have a formal procedure, you just have to feel it. Maybe your happines is just locked within yourself, and you have to bring that out. Just take it easy and look within yourself, and the answers are just there. :)