What do yall think of this poem? How can I improve it?

Question

This is a poem about Casey. Casey loves a woman name Gracie.
Casey is a man who is of average height, handsome, and loud,
but you'll never know it if you saw him in the crowd.

In front of the world he pretends to be shy,
but in front of Gracie he's just her loving, but jealous guy,
and when they're alone it all comes out:
his jealous rantings and his loud mouth

It always amazes her to see him that way, because
a few hours earlier, at the party, he was okay.
Happy smiles for all is what he displayed now
back at home and he's ranting away.

Saying every cuss word in the book
while fishing her for answers, but
she doesn't bite the hook.

She only sits propped up in bed watiing for him to clam down
because she always sees his love for her on his brow,
so through all the cussing and his loud mouth
Gracie waits patiently with love for him to tire out.

Answer 1

I think it was really good! Don't change it!

Answer 2

It's got a lot of good ideas, wordings and rhymes in it but I think it could be improved by making the meter more uniform. Read the first line over several times to get the cadence of it in mind and then read the next few lines. See if you don't find ways to make them more in the character of the first line but with variations. Keep doing it throughout the poem. If you do that, I think you will also change the stanzas so they all have the same number of lines. I think you've got the imagination for wordings that will make it possible to do this and give the whole poem the polish of that first line without damaging the natural flow it already has.

Answer 3

I like it cause it tells a good story here are some suggestions...

Casey loves a woman named Gracie
Some see them as a couple thats quite racey
He is a man of average height, hansome, and loud
But you'd never know i if you saw him in a crowd

When seen by the world he pretends to be shy
In front of Gracie he's loving but also- a jealous guy
And when they're alone, it all comes out
His jealous rantings and his loud mouth

Its always amazing to her to see him this way
Cause earlier at the party he was okay
Gracie thinks to herself "should I even stay?"
For she knows that soon jealous Casey
Will be ranting away

She doesn't have the courage to pack up and leave
For she thinks she needs this man
And is too afraid to grieve
So as he starts to swear and make her feel bad
She braces herself with solitude as he gets furiously mad

She props herself up against their bed
Waiting for him to calm down
As their lives are a cycle that spins round and round
Gracie waits quietly for Casey to tire out
While secretly inside she wants to scream and shout

Answer 4

This poen its about Casey.
Casy loves a women with the name of Gracie,
Casey is a man of average height, handsome, good looking and loud,
but you'll never notice him if he is in the crowd.
although for the others he looks to be shy,
but in eyes of Gracie he's just her loving guy,
at home in twilight he is full of horn
jealous loud prudent, jelling all along.

it is always funny to see him that way,
before at the party he was quit okay!?
happy smiling laughing and gay,
now that he is home it all is gone away,

saying all he wants nasty all the way,
but she doesn't answer, knowing any way,
he loves her and this is his way
the way of Jules lover to save his love away,

Gracie is silent all over this way
he will calm and be tender, his anger smooth away.

Answer 5

Great poem you got there, no improvement needed. Well done!

Casey's such a fake
Unpredictable, you might say
Gracie should leave him behind
Anyone better than him is easy to find
Only good thing is his love on his brow
For Gracie, this is enough

Answer 6

Word man! That is really, really good. Dont change it. It flows really well, with a good vocal rhythm and it makes a powerful statement.

Most often, the first thing you write down for a poem is the best thing, so leave it as it is.

Answer 7

It's a beautiful poem, but don't use the same words twice, like "jealous" and "ranting". and the waiting in the last paragraph has two i's. other than that it's absolutley lovley.

Answer 8

Hi I love your poem, just want you to know I have had one published a few years ago. Little added words can be changed to less. See how you might like this version, ok. All I did was to take out added words.
Paragraph1....leave out BUT
" 2....leave out the first and second BUT.
after guy put a . period there.
" 3 leave out because at the party.
change displayed to displays
leave out IS WHAT
the last line there leave out AND
" 4 leave out WHILE
leave out BUT
" 5 put a coma after down
leave out BECAUSE
leave out SO
leave out ALL
AGAIN YOUR POEM WAS GREAT. TRY IT PLEASE LIKE THIS WAY AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, OK?

Answer 9

Casey & Gracie are a perfect couple.
They can marry to make it double!

Answer 10

i like it..attention need to be done in this area

you may want to either keep the rhyme(s) or take them out over the entire piece.

its good i see love is patient

did you know that jealousy is usually brought on with reason

Answer 11

Try using a thesaurus for the repeated words