How do I tell my Husband he makes me feel unapreciated (?) ?

Question

My Hubby's an Army Officer. I lived in GA while he was trainin 4 the 1st yr of r marriage.(We've been 2gether 3 1/2 yrs). Durin that time, I handled all r finances & such. I had a full time job I luvd, makin $14hr. My sched rockd, so I excersizd evry morn b4 work. I looked & felt great bout myself. When he finally graduated, I was excited 2 finally BE w him. I had 2 quit my job 2 move 2 El Paso, TX w him 5 months ago. I've been lookin hard but unable 2 get a job. My hubby works 5am to 8pm. I feel bad 4 him & try 2 support him. He's a great person, & a wonderful hubby, but now he's conceited. He rubs in my face I have no job, so I should clean, cook etc all day evry day, which I do. HE's risking his life, HE works hard, HE works lots of hours, HE's tired, HE has a degree. I work & have worked hard. I'm alone missin him waitin 4 him all day. It's just as tough on me as it is on him, just differently. When I tell him, he ignores me. How do I help him c that he hurst me sometime?

Answer 1

Honestly, I think that you and your hubby truly love and respect each other. But here's the problem. You two have been dealt a healthy dose of REALITY. Think about it. He just started working a 16 shift, in one of the hardest, most mentally and physically challenging positions-saving lives. Those long hours have him stressed out. You have had to uproot yourself and start over in a new state, no job, no friends, and your alone for hours. Therefore, on his next day off, schedule some time alone for you two to relax, love and just be with each other. Then, address your feelings to him. Let him know that you are hurt by his comments, and will do everything you need to do to take care of your home, but you have left everything familiar behind to start a new life with him, and you need time to find work and get situated. Also, give him opportunity to vent as well. It sounds like you two just need some time together to be with each other and relax. I totally relate to your story. Mine is very similar with my husband. Best wishes.

Answer 2

A marriage can't work without communication. It will eventually fail. I know how you feel. I work the first year of my marriage and now that I don't my husband and his parents are always on my case to find a job. I want my old job back but I had to leave without giving a notice and there's nothing I can do about that. We live in a small town and other than fast food my old job is all there is. I worked 2 diff fast food jobs and have no intetions of doing it again. He works as a security guard now and its only 3 days a week but they are 12 hours shifts, and when he isn't working he's sleeping to keep his shedule in order. He's always trying to rub it in my face that he's working and I ain't. We have practically no sex life. I try talking to him and he says when I have a job I can give my two cents. I told him if he was going to be that way I would find a man that appreciated me more. Let your hubby know that you do appreciate all that his has accomplished and you are very proud of him but that if he can't accept you and the way you are then he can find a woman that will put up with his mouth. Recently I started tossing around the idea of having a baby. It would help alot to have some one who needed me and would love me unconditionally, who would listen and never ignore me. I know that probably sounds crazy but it's an idea. You would have sometihng to help you pass the time while your hubby isn't home, and he will understand why you wouldn't be able to work. You don't have to tell him you are trying to conceive. Get some ovulation predictor kits so you will know when your eggs are ready to be fertilzed and try to be sexually active on that day. But it ain't as easy as that. I have been trying for 2 years now. I hope this has helped you some.

Answer 3

If your husband is working 5am to 8pm, he's getting exhausted and then probably not getting enough sleep. That can make people act irrationally. Underneath he is the same wonderful man you married, but the stress is making him crazy.

That doesn't help you much, though. Do you know what he does all day? Would he have time to sit down and read a letter or an email, if you wrote him one? It's easy to switch off when you are speaking to him, but much harder to switch off when he is faced with something in writing.

Hand him the letter in the morning before he leaves for work (or if it's an email, tell him to check his email).

I hope it helps.

Answer 4

Tell him everything you have described about him here, especially how appreciative you are of him and his hard work. Somethimes it is difficult for a person to say all those things and for the other person to listen attentively when he's tired. You may want to write it down and let him read it.
At the same time let him know how you feel about not being able to be employed. He may be under the impression that you like to stay at home and take things easy. As he's been busy all the time, it is difficult for him to see the amount of housework that can keep one busy at home all day.
Make more effort looking for a job. Discuss with him and show him that you are prepared to do anything and not being choosy in looking for work outside. Let him know the results of your search.
Seek his advice.

Answer 5

i know how you feel for example today i cleaned my whole house form top to bottom and was all proud of myself but when my huseband got home he didn't say anything about the way the house looked i kept bring it up just to hear looks good what ever to know that he relized that i didn't just sit on my a** all day so what i normaly do when he is like that i let it go and just before he gets ready to go to bed i go in and give him a back rub or a bj if he prefers do something he enjoys but if you do the back rub while you are doing that tell him you know today when you came in from work and was telling me poor you don't have a job dadadada well that really hurts my feelings because i have been looking for a job and can;'t seem to find one also write down in a notebook everywhere you went to look for a job and what they told you for example if you went to the military store and they told they would get back to at a later date show him that you went there he may not realize how hard you are trying to find a job and feels like he is the only one trying in this relationship right now so talk to him and good luck

Answer 6

Honey I hate to say this but your husband is a jerk! Wow if my husband (who's army also) ever came home and said that stuff to me that'd be the last thing he'd ever say. I feel for you I really do. The military life is extremely hard on the spouses....especially those of us who don't work. It makes you feel very isolated and like your husband is your life line. See if you can get him to go to counseling with you and if he won't I'd put him out. Maybe then he'd realize all you do for him.
Good luck...I hope it all works out for you!

Answer 7

Blow a whistle first if you have to get his attention but just tell him up front and honestly! Then open your mouth and just tell him how you feel! It doesn't have to be a dramatic plea for attention. Show him you also have a little self pride and worth and make him pay attention..you are his wife and you deserve his respect and attention too.

Answer 8

tell him that you insist on counseling and will go to his superior officer for assistance as well as the base Chaplin(religion not at issue in this) and if he still can't see you, remove your self from his sight until he can see and hear you. You deserve better and not allot of women would fallow him around and keep starting over, just to be with him. if he loves you he could hear you and see your suffering. hope this helped

Answer 9

Well when my man doesn't listen to me write him a letter telling him how I feel trying not to sound rude about it and explain that he is hurting you maybe not meaning to but he is. Just let him know whats going on. It Usually helps me.. Good luck I hope it works for you if you try it,...

Answer 10

Remove the "?" from your question and drop the first two words!
Now repeat whats left to yourself until you feel the "POWER".

Everything else will come natural.