how would i tell it to my MOM about my stepdad?!?

Question

Me and my MOM are totally bestfriends, no secrets beetween us, when she decided to have another husband, we approved. Then one night after dinner me and my mom talked, she asked me if my stepdad was doing great with the family, i said yes, then she asked me if he was doing his responsibilities as a father. How would i tell my MOM that he wasn't doing great as a father? HELP PLZ!!!!!

Answer 1

I would write her a letter. In a letter, you can think about what you are trying to say very carefully and nicely, and you can be sure to say all the things you need to. Make sure that you ask her to keep it just between you two. ANd when she reads it, she will know that this subject was hard for you to bring up because you had to do it in a letter. Then give her the letter before you leave the house so you don't have to sit there and freak out. When you get home, you'll both be ready to talk about it. Good Luck!

Answer 2

First he is at a disadvantage. He is not your father and there fore will never be a "greatd dad". He can't. So my first question to you is, " What is he doing or not doing that would cause you to think he was not a great dad?" Second this is not a question your mom has any right to ask you. Its her business to deal with any problems. Her job is to protect you from harm. I don't get the impression he is harming you. On the other hand if he is, you need to go straight to the police. In as much as you have not called the police, I'm guessing its not that kind of serious stuff. So whats he done or failed to do that you disaprove of? Remember he does not have the same rights or responsibilities as the legal father. DON'T confuse the two. Its not fair to the step dad.

Again let me say your mom has no right to put her minor child in a position like this. Your job is not to act as umpire in you moms marriage. I also don't understand why if you have a REAL issue, you are reluctant to tell your mom? Sounds like you have plenty of secrets to me.

Answer 3

The undesirable element right here is that the reality became going to return out at last. The undesirable element for you is which you have been the catalyst for it. Your stepdad already suspected it, you purely introduced readability to it. And, your mom even enlisted your help to conceal it up. So, mom became incorrect. Your stepdad isn't mad at you, yet that his suspicions have been top. in the event that they break up, the court docket won't look favorably on your mom, because of the fact that she is the single to blame of infidelity. i'm sorry to your undertaking and that's lots too straightforward in right now's society. shop your chin up and understand which you probably did no longer reason this. there have been themes that brought about your mom to act that way which you had no portion of and that's some thing between your stepdad and your mom. i might say your mom desires help. i do no longer understand how previous you're, yet while it have been me and that i became of utilising age and my mom have been given custody, yet I nevertheless had to be certain my stepdad, i might.

Answer 4

What???? First of all, your mother is your MOTHER, not your girlfriend. It's wonderful that you can confide some personal things, but I personally think she crossed the line involving you in her relationship with your stepfather. Did she marry him because she was in love? Or was she only looking for a replacement father figure for her children? Decisions like that should involve ALL parties to the new family, which would have included the stepfather. Everyone should have laid out their expectations for the family, and even sought family counseling BEFORE uniting. How absolutely appalling and unfair that she would ask you whether he was doing a good job at fathering!!! Like what, for example? Tucking you in at night? Chauferring you around? Giving you money? If he's doing "great" with the family, then he's doing great as a father.

Answer 5

What she's really asking, in essence, is "Did I make the right decision all around for everyone involved in every circumstance?" She's looking for assurance that she didn't screw up your (or anyone else's) life with this new husband.

I guess the way I would approach it would be to say, "he's doing about as well as could be expected", and if pressed for more of an answer, say that that's pretty self-explanatory and to let it go. That way you're not lying, she's not deflated (although she may be curious for more info), and you both can go on like you have been.

Bottom line: life is messy, and if she can't understand that you guys already agreed to accept this person in your lives, warts and all, if she needs more assurance than that, it's time for her to step back and find a healthier self-image and less of a desire to be caretaker. As a mom, that may be difficult, but necessary in this situation.

Answer 6

I wish you would have explained more about NOT being a great in the father department.... but anyway, first he is NOT ur father, he is a step father, and there is a difference in the way they are looked at as far as being a *father* figure..... a step can not take the place of the real thing... unless there was NOT a real thing in the first place, or was lost at an early age...... it takes time and adjustment to get the flow going between steps and the kids..... he has to learn you , you have to learn him...... get to know each other and each others ways and stuff.... depends also on how long he has been in the family....... time, it takes time !!! make sure you have given him a fair chance to adjust and also urself a fair chance too........ God bless

Answer 7

If I were you, i would just go and talk to your mom about it. She needs to hear this from you, especially, since he should be handling his father responsibilities well. Don't down talk him or anything, but just tell her and she will listen. She will know how to address this to him in a way that will be better. Plus, if he has never raised kids this is a learning experience for him as well.

Answer 8

Just come out and tell her honestly how he isn't a great father. You've never had a problem before telling her the truth because you are best friends, why is this any different? I'm sure she'll understand and take your word for it!

Answer 9

well, if you said you and your mom are best friends, if that's true, you should be able to tell her that he wasn't doing great as a father. because you're supposed to be able to share everything with a best friend. So you should be upfront with her about your stepdad.

Answer 10

If she wants your honest opinion give it to her. It's better to let her know now before it's too late. I have had two step-dads and I always let it be known how I felt about them.. you can do it in a nice way... but, if he's not what you would consider a good step father let her know... I'm sure she values your opinion. Good luck!