her husband died 6 years ago of skin cancer and after he died i am like just one of the guys she dated and we have been together a year and now it is falling apart she says she loves me and it is her problem not mine but all interest in sex is gone when we used to be like rabbits lol and she says my asking about it is driving her away from me. i just bought a cottage for us on the cape and she is only a girlfriend man am i stupid or should i be shot
2006-08-30 16:21:24 · 4 answers · asked by Thomas W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No you are not stupid! You sound like a great guy and it's good of you to want to try to solve this problem, not just give up on your girlfriend.
I know this sounds upside down, but it may be that the reason she's going through a bad time right now, is because she finally feels that you are going to replace her husband and she feels guilty about that - as if she was being unfaithful to him. Some people have an over-developed sense of loyalty and have trouble being unfaithful to someone even after they have left or passed on.
It would probably help her to get some professional advice from a counsellor, but I'm guessing she'd bite your head off if you suggested it.
The only thing you can do now, is stop pressuring her - about anything, including your love life. Give her lots of cuddling and stroking - can you do a good back massage? - but don't expect anything in return for a while. Tell her "I'm sorry if you think I'm nagging you, but it hurts me to see you unhappy and all I want to do is fix it for you. I'm not going to mention it again, just know that I'll be here if you feel ready to talk about it."
And don't forget to tell her you love her.
Unfortunately, until she's willing to talk to someone about how she feels - either you, her girlfriends or a counsellor - it's not likely this is going to get resolved in a hurry.
2006-08-30 16:40:31 · answer #1 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to put women down because I am one but sometimes we are hard to comprehend. We don't even know what we want. And I will have to tell you that when my husband even mentions having sex it is such a turn off. I feel as if he has to plan it. You know we get busy or have other things on our mind but sex for some odd reason is at the bottom of our list (or at least mine). I tell my husband that he should just go with the flow. You know how things were when you were dating - if by chance you could snatch a kiss you would. That's how sex should be go with the flow and see what happens. For example we have a small kitchen there is no reason why he can't just accidentally bump into my breast and/or feel my but. You know make it spontaneous actions. Your not stupid we just like the romance and crazy stuff like that. NOT PLANNED! Good Luck.
2006-08-30 23:30:08 · answer #2 · answered by florie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will always hold a special place in her heart for her husband. It sounds to me that since things are getting serious, she is doing a lot of thinking. Just give her some time to accept that you love her and things are progressing in the relationship.
2006-08-30 23:25:39 · answer #3 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
id fuc*k her a few times and then dump her sorry ***
2006-08-30 23:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋