Should I keep working at my marriage after both of us having affair?

Question

My husband and I have been married for three yrs. Before we gotmarried I cheated and got pregnant, I told him I didn't know who the dad was but he still decide to stay with me. That was over four and half yrs ago. He has been here helping me take care of my three kids that are not his. Now he has cheated in Feb. and just found out she is 6mths pregnant ,as she says but I am 5mths pregnant. Her dates dont add up to when the affair happen. Do I let go of my marriage I made vows to God for better or for worse or do I Give him the same chance he gave me?

We;ve been seperated for 2mths now. He says he want to work it out and he has been helping me with the bills even though he been gone. We have talked about getting back together before he found out about the other pregnancy. I'm not mad about the pregnacy bcecause what goes around comes around. I learned my lesson when I cheated at first to not mess around and showed him and myself that I could be faithful. He toldme about the affair when it happenand we have seperated twice since then. Even with out the other girl being pregnant should he have another chance

Answer 1

If you two love each other, then why not stay together. I married my wife and I was not the father of our daughter when she was born, but I classify her as my daughter and she considers me as her father. She knows I am not her father, and she has no communication with her real father. She told her mom one day, I know Dad is not my real father but he is the only father that I know, and I love him for that. She has a son and he calls me pappy, and he thinks of me as the only pappy.
I wish you the best of whatever decision you two make.

Answer 2

Hmm! Well i guess it would depend on a few things, #1 what does he want? #2 Why did he have the affair to begin with and is that something that can be worked on and fixed in your relationship. #3 Get a paternity test done asap to verify other woman's claims.
Now you cheated before you got married not a good thing but more forgivable in my opinion then when you have the commitment of marriage and cheat. But that can be forgiven (not forgotten) as long as it is what the two of you want and you guys work on fixing whatever it was that made him stray. However i noticed in your question you asked "should i keep working at my marriage" Is this written this way because you were writing the question or are you trying to save something that isn't there anymore? If it is something the both of you want I say give it try and if it still fails you can say you tried. GL

Answer 3

He forgave you, so the least you can do is forgive him.

I doubt that your marriage will last, but when you had your children, you took on the responsibility of bringing them up. You need two people and two incomes to give those kids a fair upbringing. So you had better buckle down and make this relationship work, for at least the next ten years or so.

And for goodness sake, both of you go and find out about birth control! You MUST NOT, repeat MUST NOT, have any more children while you are in this relationship. Because if he walks out on you, you will struggle to bring up four kids, let alone five or six.

Answer 4

Well this is certainly an interesting family. I would normally tell you to get out and let him have his little affair, but there are a lot of kids involved in this. What does your husband want to do? Does he want to work things out with you or go with the other woman? Do you and your husband love each other?

If the love is gone you might as well divorce him. I don't know why you are so worried about your vows to God now. You didn't care about them when you had your affair. Sometimes you need to just cut the strings and get free.

Answer 5

I would give him the chance if I was you. The problem is that your family is not growing in solid foundation, by this I mean family values, spiritual values and morals.

But that does not mean you are going to hell, that is if you truly repent and ask God for forgiveness. He's waiting for that.

Get in a good Bible base church, and start repairing what's been damage and don't mess up what ever you got left.

You won't regret it. Your children might have a different life.

Cheating is a bad thing, don't make it a habit. Your children deserve a mother they would respect and look up to.

Answer 6

Apparently you have both positively proved you are not serious about the relationship you have together either before or after your marriage. Personally I think you are both wasting each others lives and time as now there will never be complete trust and you both now have eventual ammunition towards each other for any future fights. I think it is time to move on for both your sakes and hope at least for a mutual respected friendship for the children's sakes.

Answer 7

first of all what does your heart tell you second get a marrage counsler 3rd give him the chance that he gave you if her dates fon't add up go to court and request a paternity test the day the child is born to know for sure if he is the father or not if he is the father then have him step up to the father roll and accept the fact that he did cheat on you when you were married but you all so need to remember that you cheated on him before you got married so you both need to seek help and keep working on your marrage good luck

Answer 8

Well, considering you did the same to him, how mad can you be? Not very, since you made the same mistake (although two wrongs dont make it right).
Forgive him but for the benefit of you relationship and your future family, seek marriage counseling immediatly.
The two of you need to learn how to love and trust eachother the right way, to communicate with one another and respect eachother without going off and commiting adultery.

Answer 9

Me and my husband are seperated after 2 years of marriage and it took me to realize that yes I do love him and always will. The question that you have to ask yourself is are you "in love with him?" And you have to look at why you both stray to others. Can someone out there give you what you need when he can't?? Good Luck

Answer 10

The two of you should agree to an open marriage where you both continue to f**k other people and also f**k other people in the same room. Have all the sex you can with as many people as you can because you only live once. My motto is that if it feels good then f**k.