My son has turned 9 months, and my in laws are leaving, they have been with us for 6 months. Since both my husband and I work, we have been relying on them for child care. They have pampered him alot and he does not crawl, and he gets picked up when he wants and gets given toys. We went to the day care center today and it was horrible. He was crying, but a cry(it was from the bottom of this heart).. that we have never heard before.It was unbearable to hear him and he had only started to breath after we held him. We don't know what to do?The grandparents will leave in 3 days and we are going to be alone, and he will be alone in daycare.Since he only knows how to sit, he can't move much. How do we help him to relax and get him enjoy the day care, without having baby panic attacks?
2006-08-30 15:33:46 · 15 answers · asked by sk 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Your son is smarter then you give him credit for, I'll bet by the end of the week, he will be fine.
Just remember, don't bring him home and spoil him all over again.
He will be fine, you will be much more traumitized by the whole thing then he is. He will be able to grow and spread his wings a little.
2006-08-30 15:42:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He could have the same reaction whether he's 9 months old or 3 years old. He's not just crying because his grandparents aren't there, or he knows you're leaving him. It's more the new people, sights, sounds, smells, etc. of the daycare. I'm sure it will be tough to leave him in the beginning, but do it for the next three days, before the grandparents leave. Have them (or you) stop by the daycare unannounced and see how he's doing (be discreet...don't let him see you!) Bring a favorite toy or blankie to make him more comfortable. He'll come around. And he may start to crawl soon, too...why sit around when there are so many other babies and toys to play with!
2006-08-30 15:42:48 · answer #2 · answered by Rikki 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most of everybody don't understand having to WORK to TAKE CARE of the baby. be sure you spend lots of time with him so he knows he's loved. He's experiencing separation anxiety. But because you know what it is, doesn't fix the problem. Be sure to take his favorite things along with him to daycare, (bottle, pacifier, blankey, stuffed toy, or whatever) it may be more than one thing. Take him a little early and chat with the daycare provider. If he sees you friendly with her, then he will learn to trust also. Don't let him see you leave. Have her distract him as you leave. Ask the provider. They are trained for stuff like this. He's most likey not use to all the kids running around and confusion, and it's scary for him. I know you feel horrible leaving him crying...but alot of parents have to deal with that. Also, your gonna want to know how they are treating him while your gone. Pop up unexpectedly, if possible. I'm sure they'll treat him right, it's just for your own reassuring. He's also prob used to being loved on by family, and was held alot. He won't get that as much at daycare. He will be ok. Just let him know everything will be ok. Belive it or not, he will WANT to go eventually! To play with the other children! I think my son was 10 months before he started to crawl. Little boys are a bit slower learning things than little girls. I would compare my son to my daughter and would worry that he was behind. So he's perfectly alright! also...my nephew never learned to crawl!!! He's 3 now and walks just fine!
2006-08-30 15:59:34 · answer #3 · answered by sweet southern charm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he cries because he is biologically programmed to be stressed by the absence of his primary caregiver. his brain floods with hormones that impair learning and cause depression and anxiety.
He will not relax and enjoy - the best you can hope for is that he will give up and stop crying. some children do give up and learn quickly that they cannot affect their environment. this leads to depression, of course. Other children never give up and stay angry. Most give up.
NICHD has been studying day care for more than two decades. If you put your son in day care, the odds are 1) his IQ drops, 2) his social skills drop 3) his attachment to mommy drops 4) approval from daddy drops 5)physical illness skyrockets 6)emotional problems begin...
Your son is screaming for you to meet the needs of the child YOU decided to bring into this world. He has needs. Don't try to blame your parents for pampering him. They gave him what he needed and you should to.
I'm glad you heard him and understood how unbearable what you are trying to do to him is. If you put him in day care, you are betraying him and yourself. You know it is wrong.
If you put him in day care, he will long for you and not have you and he will believe that you want him to feel that bad. How can he not conclude that?
Ma'am, this is serious. This is real life. Don't believe the hype and garbage - human infants are primates - without their mother's arms and mother's milk, they are seriously, seriously damaged. Listen to your child - don't do this to him! Be an actual mom.
2006-08-30 15:51:04 · answer #4 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about instead of you trying to make a defenseless 9-month-old to understand day care, why don't you figure out a way to raise your own child! There is nothing natural or healthy about separating an infant from its mother for 10 hours of the day. You will miss all his milestones. Your child is crying out for your time and attention, and if you did not plan on giving that to him, then you should not have born a child.
2006-08-30 16:00:29 · answer #5 · answered by TXChristDem 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
really there is not much you can do my 11 month old was like that too he didnt want to crawl because he was always held. But sometimes you have to let them cry( to an extent) to let them know that you cant always be with them and you cant always hold them or give them toys they have to do things on their own and the best way for them to do that is on there own. He will probably cry a lot for the first few times at day care but he will get used to it.
2006-08-30 15:41:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The people that work there have dealt with these situations before. It is hard to put your trust into strangers but it must be done. The best thing you can do is tell the teacher you are going to leave quickly and then do it (leave quickly) or you'll only make it worse for you and the baby.
The employees will help ensure your baby learns how to crawl and sit and laugh and interact.
2006-08-30 15:41:21 · answer #7 · answered by whirlwind_123 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If at all possible quit your job. I know you're probably going to say you can't afford it, but the stress of wondering how well he's being taken care of will be more than you can stand.
The money spent on daycare, time lost from work taking him to the doctor and paying doctor bills and medication from all the sicknesses he'll get from other kids.....
Really give it a great deal of thought. If there's anything you can cut out or cut back on. My cousin's little boy was in daycare once and they told her not to potty train him because it was too much trouble for them to put him on the pot! My grandma worked in a daycare once where they let babies share bottles, sippy cups & pacifiers. Just take them out of one baby's mouth & put them in another one. Hello?? Can you say germs & sickness??!!
My little brother stayed at a daycare in someone's home & the woman who ran it was a clean freak. When my dad found out she was making him stand over the trash can to eat he made my mom quit work & stay home with him.
Good Luck! I know you're in a tough situation. I have a 4mo and sometimes I am thankful that I am disabled (MS) and can't work because I don't have to worry about who will take care of my baby.
2006-08-30 15:42:51 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is awful. My sister put her child in daycare after 7 months. I had him the first week, my mom the second and then to real daycare. Sad to say he is just going to have to cry but after a couple of weeks he will adjust and grow to get used to daycare. I don't suppose there is anyway you could stay home with him? Maybe if he doesn't adjust you could try to find an in home daycare that will be more home like. I feel your pain. My daughter made it 5 months before I quit to stay home and I loved my daycare provider.
2006-08-30 15:38:36 · answer #9 · answered by mamatohaley+1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
unfortunately you are just going to have to do it. your in-laws obviously waited on him hand and foot. its a good thing that they are leaving so you can break the cycle now. most babies are crawling by nine months. your in-laws certainly werent doing him any favors. your son will come around at day care. unless one of you are willing and able to quit their job you don't have choice. after a few days he should mellow out. just talk with your daycare provider so they are prepared for the situation and drop him off. after the parents leave kids usually calm down. dont dawdle when dropping him off, you will just fuel the situation. good luck
2006-08-30 15:47:02 · answer #10 · answered by dawn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋