Mid 30's, good paying career, house, car, and minimal debt. We have discussed having children before we got married, and I truly believed that we were on the same page. Fast forward seven years, and now I want children, but whenever we finally have the conversation, nothing gets resolved. We do not even have sex anymore...10 times in the past two years (i think). Divorce is the only viable option at this point, because the arguments are circular and neither of us are getting any younger. Advice please?
2006-08-30 13:59:33 · 23 answers · asked by whattodo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just because you've brought it up from time to time, doesn't mean she's getting the hint. It appears to me that she likes her life as it is. If she agreed to children prior to marriage, then it's time to sit her down and discuss it honestly and openly. Tell her your side and then listen to hers, there is a huge possibility that she just may be scared of what changes children may bring. If she has changed her mind, and doesn't want the kids you've dreamed of having, then honey, it may be time for a divorce. I know that sounds harsh, but for alot of people, especially in your situation, you've already sat down prior to marriage and had a game plan. It wasn't exactly fair to have her change that at half time without informing you at some point or another. I should also touch up on the sex issue, ten times in the last two years is ridiculous...that's like only on major holidays! It's not normal, but it is fixable. It truly sounds as though the two of you have been working so hard, to achieve what you have in life, that life has turned routine, and the two of you are leading life in two separate directions, rather than growing closer together. A good open line of honest communication can bring that back. A few date nights, maybe taking up some sort of hobby together, etc.
I wish you the best honey, have the talk with her, find out where this stands and go from there.
2006-08-30 14:12:54 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself, HOW important is she to you? HOW important is having children to you? Would you rather be with her since you made it this far and have such a huge past and respect her wishes, and get a job involving children? OR divorce her, live your life, and eventually meet someone when are too old to have children? Think about it. Not trying to be negative but chances are that its gonna take quite some time to first, meet the girl, then GET TO KNOW HER, over a long period of time making sure she is worthy enough of being your child or childrens mother....Your right, neither of you are getting any younger, no one is. Pray about it and follow your heart, most importantly, when you take action to your decision, regret nothing. You'll be much happier that way.
good luck in whatever you choose to do :)
p.s. you can always bring back sex and poke a hole in the condom (if you guys use em) LOL
2006-08-30 21:16:26 · answer #2 · answered by Fearfully & wonderfully made 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek marriage counseling. The two of you need serious marriage help. I know you may want out but the two of you have been together so long, it's only justified to attempt solving the problems in this marriage.
If the professional help doesn't change anything in the relationship then I would suggest a divorce.
Your wife needs to learn how to open up when it comes to sex and compromise with you about future plans.
It sounds like you're a pretty good man (since you have a career, house, car, and low debt) so there has to be some insecurities and esteem issues on her part. So, work on getting counseling, if she denies counseling, leave her because the two of you need help to make it work and if she doesn't want help, she doesn't want it to work.
Best Wishes.
2006-08-30 21:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't want children and you do well it leave you no option but get a divorce here. Since she avoid the issue when you bring the topic up. But hey you can have good marriage with out children. But having said this I think to many just give up to fast on marriages, and use the divorce it. I think you should try and save this marriage. Perhaps she is at the peak of her career, and feel your putting pressure on her. You mention when you both me that one day you would have kids. But people change as the years go by.
2006-08-30 21:07:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having children usually requires sex...if a family is important to you then you may need to consider divorce. Apparently your wife is not planning on children and sex only 10 times in 2 yrs is an indication that it's not a real close relationship anyway. Do whatever it takes to complete your idea of a happy fullfilled life. Good Luck
2006-08-30 21:05:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are still young bro, and it appears that shes also young. if you two feel like the marriage is not taking you guys anywhere then I think you should split up and while still young try to find new love since the older you get the harder it is going to be, but if you think you guys can resolve the problem thru counseling then I suggest doing that. But you should think about it at least for a week...see if its worth getting a divorce and going thru looking for someone new and getting to know them and etc... hope you make the right choice
2006-08-30 21:11:24 · answer #6 · answered by whyareyoutryingtoreadmyid 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go for a divorce. however, before I do there are some things I would want to know:
! Can she have children?
Is she permanently unable to conceive?
Why is she not moving the argument forward? Why is she running from sex with you?
I must commend you for your patience though. I would not be staying this long. Good luck
2006-08-30 21:06:24 · answer #7 · answered by sexonsight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on before it's too late. You two obviously want different things at this point in your lives. Obviously, if you two feel that you can work it out, go to counseling because a mediator will allow you two to express each others emotions without the others interruptions. Imagine your life without your wife and see it feels good in your heart and mind. Granted, your heart will be bruised for a short period of time, but that always heals. You have the rest of your life and happiness to worry about.
2006-08-30 21:04:51 · answer #8 · answered by cryingrainbow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have changed her mind about the kids. And the sex thing could be part of that or maybe she's lost interest. Try to get some counseling and find out. 14 yrs is too much time to just throw away. Good luck!
2006-08-30 21:06:14 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if kids are what your wanting and you told her this and she doesn't want to now,then as bad as i hate to say it you need a divorce.She kinda lied to you in aw way if ya know what i mean and she isn't fulfilling her end of the bargain.So just like you said ,your not getting any younger and i see nothing changing in your future either so ya best just ask for a divorce if she isn't going to change her mind about having kids good luck!!Its your life and you deserve to be happy let her rot in her own misery!!
2006-08-30 21:14:58 · answer #10 · answered by blondie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋