my parents got a divorce last year and i'm in college and i'm having a hard time with it. i'm just wondering if it's easier on kids if their parents divorce when they are young children or older?
2006-08-30 13:41:45 · 32 answers · asked by babycakes2444 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, speaking from my own experience... I have never known my "sperm donor" of a "father". I have no memory of him what-so-ever. (am 30-something ;-)
From what I was told, I had asked if I was the reason they divorced. I don't even have a memory of that! (I was 1 yrs. old when they divorced). I have always known my mom as a single mom and that was that.
One cannot miss what they never had/known. Sometimes even now, I have the "what if" thing floating around my brain... I even tried once to try and find him... (this was 2 years ago now.) I had such a panic attack I about passed out!
I think it depends on the kid really... I didn't know any different, then again teens do have things they're going through too, but, since they are older... they have more of an idea of what's going on.
In what ways are you having a hard time!? Trust issues!? They using you as a pawn to get to the other and you're in the middle!?
Another point I wanted to add is- no matter if they're younger or older, if you stay in a relationship that no longer works, that's nothing to teach kids. Even if you think you're "hiding it well" they aren't stupid!! They're taking in all the subtlties of your actions and emotions. And being in a bad situation/relationship is nothing to teach them. No matter what age they're impressionable, and will grow up with that & if they don't have anything healthy to compare it to, or see what a GOOD relationship is about they won't know how to deal with it, or be able to keep them!
Then they have the added responsibility of screeing their own dates... and not bringing dates home to meet the kids.. etc... that's a whole other issue too...
Talking to the kids and include them, making sure they know why this is happening. They have a responsibility to the kids!
It may be hard to deal with, seek out help from friends, other trusted family members, school counselor or teacher/professor, or maybe a therapist. Maybe start a journal if you haven't already. It helps to get your thoughts and emotions down on paper. Paper doesn't talk back or judge you. You don't need to worry about grammer or punctuation... just sit and write, it will come, even if you think you have nothing to say or where to start. If you want to share it with a trusted friend or whomever. If you don't want to let anyone see it is fine too! It's something tangible you can SEE, to help you make sense of things!
I hope this isn't affecting your classes! I wish you the best!! Hope this was helpful! (and made SENSE! LOL!)
=)
2006-08-30 14:27:27 · answer #1 · answered by tzbug_ybiaw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think divorce is easier on younger children than older ones. As we get older, we remember the way things "used to be" with Dad and Mom together. If it happens at a younger age, it just seems to be easier overall. I will add though, divorce is NEVER easy, regardless of age. I was 40 when my parents divorced, and it hurt like crazy.
2006-08-30 13:47:51 · answer #2 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
divorce is never easy on children cause they don't ever understand the why'sno matter what age, though an older child may better relate to certain things as they will be able to see things that aren't right, but the hurt can be minimized by not having them involved with the personal matters.Adults where the ones that got married therfore its an adult situation not a childs and they don't need to know every little transgression daddy/mommy made, remember the child came from both parents and every time you bash the other parent in essence you bash a part of your child.
2006-09-03 12:00:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married for 19 years when my husband left the family for another woman in another state. Our daughter was 15 years old at the time. Funny thing, years before that when my husband and I were talking about a friend going through a divorce, he talked about how horrible it was for a teenager whose parents were going through a divorce (his parents divorced when he was 15). Ironically, he did that to our daughter. Because our daughter was such a daddy's girl (The two of them went on weekly dates from the time she was 3 yrs old) it has been terrible for her (mainly because he doesn't keep in touch). From friends and co-workers I have seen go through divorce with younger children, it seems to me the older the kids, the harder it is for them to deal with because they have a true cognitive understanding. However, divorce is hard on everyone involved no matter the age.
2006-08-30 14:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by zandennis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't easy on anyone, young or old.
No matter what age, you feel a sense of lonliness and depression knowing your parents relationship didn't work out.
At any age you can be upset by your parents divorce. The only difference between ages is that as and older child you begin to understand that it's part of life and it happens whereas younger kids don't understand why "mommy & daddy" aren't seeing one another.
It's perfectly normal to have a hard time with parents seperation at any age.
2006-08-30 13:45:22 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter the age, it still sucks, when your parents get divorced.
I was eleven, and didn't like it then. I was old enough to know what happened, but not old enough to understand the why of it.
Sadly it's all too common these days, and the children, of the divorce, have to work it out, the best they can, what ever their age.
Sorry about your loss, and that's what it is, a loss. Our parents are our grounding, and when they split, it's as if the ground were sucked away from under you. It takes time to get back your balance. I hope it wasn't a messy one, those are even worse for the kids.
2006-08-30 13:47:14 · answer #6 · answered by johnb693 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it would be easier when they are younger. it would be easier for the children to adapt because they dont understand much that is going on and they will grow up with this lifestyle therefore will not know any different and will feel normal about this decision. If they are older it would be harder i think because they would have grown up there whole lives used to the parents being together...and it would upset them more because they are used to seeing their parents together and have their own issues to deal with aswell...
2006-08-30 13:49:10 · answer #7 · answered by hello hello! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUNGER! Why? Because they don't have to deal with all of the emotions that their bodies naturally put them through on top of the screwed up emotions of two parents getting divorced. And this gives them time to adjust through life as having parents that are divorced. But, if you are considering divorce and are only staying married for the sake of your children, they will know and sense your unhappiness and it will become their unhappiness.
2006-08-30 13:46:20 · answer #8 · answered by wizardburg28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i believe that divorces are never easy on younger or older kids! My parents got devorced when i was 6 and i still have a hard time dealing with it all kids need a mother and father figure in their life!!
2006-08-30 13:47:21 · answer #9 · answered by Nicole 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think divorce is ever easy on kids no matter what their age is.
Just learn from your parents mistakes and try no to follow their same patron.
Divorce is the only way out for the weak and selfish people, who think about themselves, never about the sufferment of their children.
Sorry you had to go through that.
Try to stay busy and not think about it too much. This wasn't your fault.
2006-08-30 13:47:50 · answer #10 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋