Divorce, or am I just expecting too much?

Question

I have been married for 6 years. I married very young, and am starting to realize that there is a desire for single men like me.

I very much like the attention that I have been getting lately, but have stayed completely faithful to my wife through it all.

The problem I am having is that my wife does not like to dress up for me at all, and does not have much of a passion for anything sexual unless I initiate it.

She says she is just not the type of person to think of romantic things, and just goes about life like every day is the same.

I love her tremendously, and I dont want to hurt her, but its killing me to feel like this. I'm tired of having to think of everything, and I dont feel appreciated.

I have thought of divorce, but Im not sure if thats the right option. I have talked to her repeatedly, but to no avail.

The only next option is professional councelling, but I dont want to take that step just yet.

Are my concerns justified, or am I expecting too much?

I wasnt expecting to find a definitive answer here, I was merely using this as an anonymous public source to see if there is a common denominator out there. (directed to the fools that assumed I would make a life changing decision based on this post - who needs a reality check now?)

I thank all those that offered an actual response, there is still a lot for me to think about, and would not attempt to make such a big decision with out as much information as I could find - be it from any source, even one such as this.

There are always fools who waste their time revealing their ignoarance, and on that part I thank you for the entertainment. As for the inteeligent responses, I sincerely thank you for your time.

Answer 1

both of you look on-line at some erotic store (adamandeve.com) to give her ideas. I never initiated sex in my marriage until I was informed. I was too shy and was hard for me to be the aggressive one. So you think you missed out since you married so young??? you've been watching too much Desperate Housewives thats not the real world....

Answer 2

Divorcing your wife is not the answer because the grass is not always greener on the other side. We always want what we can't have. Instead have a heart-to-heart with her. Ask her why she isn't putting in the effort as you are. Give her the opportunity by letting her understand what your expectations are. The idea is to try to compromise, not try to change who she is. People go about life and sometimes have to be reminded of the simple things they once did. You said you spoke with her and it obviously wasn't productive. Ask yourself "why" and take a totally different approach than you did in the past. Have you every bought her a sexy outfit that you believe she will feel comfortable putting on for you? That's one thing. Maybe she feels unsexy and less desirable. For women, it seems to take much more than just a compliment from our spouse to feel beautiful. Being married is more than just working through the good and mediocre times. What if you are faced with a situation far deeper than this? Anyone can get a divorce when things get hard. Sticking by through thick and thin is what makes a couple stronger. Do not make her feel as though she is the one to blame and has to be the one to change. Work through this together. Make separate lists of your likes and dislikes and exchange them if you have to. You'll be surprised what you can accomplish if you keep all those pretty ladies you see out of the equation and put your focus where it needs to be...on your wife and keeping your marriage alive.

Answer 3

You are not expecting too much because you want sex, you are expecting too much if you think your marriage is going to be successful without work. GO TO COUNSELING!!! Absolutely do not cheat! And you can't divorce unless you know you've done all you can do to honor the committment you've made to the woman you love. The grass is not greener! Truthfully, if you quit now, expect your next relationships to fail too because there are always going to be obstacles to overcome. If you're not strong enough to work hard for something now, don't think by some magic you'll be able to do the work with someone else. Man up!! Don't be no fool!

Answer 4

Its not that you are expecting too much but if this is the only area of concern, then you are not being fair. If she is a good wife, loving, faithful and etc. then you are putting way to much emphasis on sex. Sure, sex is great but its not everything ok? The grass is always greener - you may end up being sorry you lost her. People can be so shallow. Someday, you may end up being a very lonely person.

Answer 5

So, she is different now than when you first got together, or is it rather that you have changed? You need to voice your concerns much like you have here. Be upfront...you say you talks to here repeatedly, but have you really? Don't expect her to read your mind...lay it alllllllll out there. Tell her what you think needs to happen to keep your marriage together. It isn't all about sex, my friend.

Answer 6

You could go to the adult store with her and pick out some toys to use on her and go to the lingere store and pick out some you would like to see her in.
But if you are truly unhappy and you have completely talked to her then chances are you will continue to be unhappy and will end up divorcing her anyway.

Answer 7

nah, sounds like you are just having the blahs, get her some sexy clothes to dress up in and do 'er up right that should fix your wagon. Might not do a bunch for her but you might fell better.
how is s*x with jello anyhow? does it move, or just lay there till you're done?

Answer 8

I think counseling might open up new doors for the two of you and your relationship. It isn't going to hurt anything, who knows, she might understand how your feeling if you have a counselor involved. Kudos to you for going outside f the marriage!:)

Answer 9

Talk to her and tell her how you feel.If you love her work with her and show her how to be romantic.Love does not give up so quickly.just be glad that's all that's going on in your marriage.Remember the grass is never greener on the other side you have to mow and trim it to.

Answer 10

you married her so deal with it. The grass is never greener on the other side. Trust me found that out the hard way