I love my husband, but what should I do?

Question

All the concerns I had before we got married have all been true. I know it's my fault for marrying him despite the issues, but I love him. However, when we argue I feel angry at myself for knowing it would be this way and I take it out on him. He's a great guy. He's loving, smart, funny... I feel bad. We've been married for six years and he's still very immature. What can I do to shake this feeling?

All of my concerns before we got married have come to be true. We've been married for seven years and he can't keep a job. It's hard on me at times. He's great, smart, and loving. When I talk about it I feel like I'm hurting him. But sometimes I get mad for no reason because I can't talk to him honestly without us getting into a fight. I love him, what should I do?

Answer 1

XXXXXXXXXXX Unless he changes who he is or you change your feeling about what you hope for him to be nothing will change. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Answer 2

Why? why did you take a huge risk and marry him anyways knowing you didnt like aspects of his personality.

Thats whats wrong with us women, we think we can change a man. That if we love him deeply and put a lot of care into the relationship he'll change. When he doesnt, we start to nag and complain and this escalates into heady arguments.

Your best option is either to sit and talk with him or call in a third party. This could be a friend, trusted family member or relationship therapist that will help you. If you do choose a 3rd party, your husband will acknowledge his mistakes more rather than feeling as if you're picking on him.

Good luck

Answer 3

If you truly love him and you cannot see yourself without him then you may want to seek couples therapy to help work through your issues. He may not even realize that there are things that you have problems with. If he is a great guy then you owe it to him and the time you have put into the marriage to try and work through it.

However, if you have already checked out of the marriage and you don't see that there is anyway that he would be able to make you happy then I would say do him a favor and end it. It's not fair for him to be in a marriage where he thinks everything is fine and you are completely unhappy and mad at him all the time.

Answer 4

Its hard to answer the question with out knowing what the issues were . but you cant change him a stone is a stone you can carve it and you can polish it and it might become a statue but it is still a stone . If its his Immaturity that is the problem then I suggest that you sit him down and tell him what you have said here that you thought it would be this way and that you are feeling a little depressed that it s turning out just as you had dreaded and challenge him to prove you wrong. because you are his wife and you want him to be the man you know he can be . its time to put away the toys and stand tall . your his lady and you need your man.

Answer 5

You sound like an intelligent woman. I notice how you never mention trying to change your husband and instead focus on how you feel and what you can do about it. I would try to focus on the things that you love about him. When we truly love some one we accept them flaws and all. No one is perfect and if his immaturity is only an issue when you need to settle disputes perhaps you just need some guidance on how to communicate more effectively with each other. You can see a counselor or check out some books on the subject from the library. Hope things get better.

Answer 6

Everyone has issues, but you married for better or for worst...Work on your communication and see past the immaturity...Most men don't grow up or never will...You just have to figure out how you should handle each level of immaturity...If it really bother's you soo much then you have to talk to your hubby and let him know what bother's you...You both have to come to an agreement...And I mean you both have to give in a little and take a little....It's all part of marriage...Good luck sweety!

Answer 7

Work through this, dont get a divorce over this. A hundred years ago people weren't able to get divorces so they worked through their problems and they were still in love later on in life. Think about that and how the hundreds of people made it through stuff much greater than this, and try to work it out. Obviously your still in love with him and im sure you have the good times. Focus on those, and if you ever get mad at him, remember those times, as hard as it may be, but try and stay calm. It will get you alot farther.

I hope i helped

Answer 8

Ok, so there were issues b4 marriage and you did it anyway. Now its time to face the music. You choose to marry him, either keep working on it or leave. Its very easy to feel that way when we're angry. Don't be too hard on yourself or him. Marriage is hard work. We all have our idiosyncrasies, right or wrong, he's your husband. There will be rough times and it will make your marriage stronger if you can work through it. Good luck.

Answer 9

As I see it, you have two choices, one, you can accept the fact, you made a mistake, in marrying him, which you have. He won't change, unless something drastic happens.
Six years is a long time, to put up with that immaturity, so it's either a divorce. or accept him for what he is, and love his good points.
I think once you accept his immaturity, you will be reconciled and be a lot happier.

Answer 10

If he has not changed by now he is not going to change.
So about all you can do is adjust and make the best you can out of what you have.Sounds like it is starting to grow on you and i can understand how you feel with him not even able to hold a job.
So you can take it as it is and live with it and be happy or file for divorce let him go back to mommy and you can live happily ever after.

Answer 11

true love is not easy to get , you have a loving, smart, funny husband , so you can talk together again like before married. do you have children maybe you have them and would enjoy that life. when he be a father he learn to be a father. try your best.