We're required to make a short story about love for our English subject. I'd really appreciate any help you can give me! The story can be read on
www.freewebs.com/
fatal-requiem/STORY.htm
The story is quite long, but I'm willing to give away ten points to anyone who gives a good criticism.
2006-08-30 10:28:53 · 3 answers · asked by lemons 3 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
She always found happiness in things which would never be.
This is a terrific line.
I found several grammatical errors throughout. Do a simple spell check and double check all punctuation areas. There is at least one that ends incorrectly with the punctuation marks on the outside.
Kill the caps throughout.
Kill the ... throughout. If you must, use a hard dash instead.
The story ends with a bang, but the reader still is left wondering what in the world the story is about? Readers don't like being confused. They want to "get" what the writer intends so perhaps you need to better clarify what is happening.
Don't write "a lame." Lame is sufficient.
I do not get a "love story" feel from this paper. Can you make it appear as if the couple actually, at least at one time, truly loved one another during life? I'd like to see your finished product.
Good luck.
Jane
2006-08-30 10:52:21 · answer #1 · answered by beckerdite1964@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
GREAT START!!! You need to go back and reread it though. You have some spelling and grammar errors that need to be fixed. You don't need to say everything three times, even though you want to show it's importance. Also, explain a little bit about how the characters look. Otherwise you have a great writing ability!
2006-08-30 11:03:54 · answer #2 · answered by DEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good but try to make the characters more interesting.
2006-08-30 10:34:32 · answer #3 · answered by parshooter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋