I had a heart condtition that has turned into congestive heart failure I'm 31, I still cannot go back to work and have to stay at home resting. My husband took off one moth to take care of me now he has gone back to work. Being home everyday alone I look forward to my husband comming home and talking with me. My problem: my husband says he's not a big talker....he either goes to his office to study, or will leave me if I'm watching something he does not like on tv and goes to his office. I feel I cannot win his attention. I want him to engage me and want to be around me ...but his excuse he says he's not a big talker.... I don't know what to do here and we have gotten into arguements about this....Any ideas?????
2006-08-30 10:12:03 · 19 answers · asked by dlmvm0612 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Find other ways to amuse yourself. He'll come around eventually and see how much you want to share the moment.
2006-08-30 10:17:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it something that started suddenly, or has he always been "not a talker"? If it's his personality, there's nothing you can do to change it, and it would be unfair to try to do so. Maybe, you talk too much, and it's opressive to him - so he avoids you altogether? I have friends I talk to for a while sometims, and my mom and I can stay on the phone for hours (she lives in another country). But I could have never demanded the same from my husband. Is there something you can think of that you both can do together? Watch movies, play a video game? Something that would give you common ground? I don't know how restricted you are due to your health condition, I don't imagine you can go for walks or do anything active. Try keeping a journal; it helped me greatly when I was living alone and had a lot of time for myself - you can vent there, it helps you analyze and sort out what you think and feel, and it's possible to track your feelings and moods overtime.
2006-08-30 17:49:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had six months off work once and whenever my boyfriend came home from work I was really excited and wanted to chat, but he'd had a hard day and was happy just to sit and cuddle in front of the tv. But as i'd been alone all day I wanted entertaining in a way I realised I needed to find my main conversation elsewhere so as not to put it all on him. At the same time explain how you feel to him and try to compromise. In my situation I didn't start chatting away till he'd been home for an hour or so. Try and sit watching movies together, or plan something together that you can talk about. Get your friends over in the evening and spend time with them. I really hope you are okay and send you best wishes, take care of yourself.
2006-08-30 17:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are in ill health...I wish you the best in your recovery, hopefully, it will be fast. I suggest that you don't argue with your husband in matters like this, even if he did give in, it would be "captured attention," doing neither of you any good. Sometimes it is enough just to know he is there. I certainly can understand that you need company. Perhaps you have friends or family that could come over occasionally and just talk about whatever??? Can you get to your computer? If not, how about a used laptop..they cost all but nothing, have wireless ability and start chatting and emailing...passes time, and makes you feel connected. You are on a computer now, so fill those voids with something you enjoy. Good luck, and get better soon.
2006-08-30 17:23:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing that jumps out at me is that my reaction would probably be the same as your husbands if I came into the room and you were watching TV and continued to watch the screen. We have a bit of the same situation in our house. My wife has the TV on nearly all the time and wonders why I don't talk with her and communicate more. Seems to me maybe guys don't care for the competition.
I'm sorry for your condition. Can't be fun. I'd encourage you to do whatever it takes including taking courses online to be an interesting person with which to talk and converse.
2006-08-30 17:38:08 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find some hobbies that you can do at home. And, is there a way to get your health back? Are you into congestive heart failure because you are toooooo heavy? If that be the case, get on a diet, and rejoin the living. 31 is a bit young to give up on life, sweetie....
2006-08-30 17:45:45 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find some good books and read them all day so you won't get bored waiting for him..
Find time to exercise bit by bit so your health and heart will improve. A doctors advice maybe necessary.
Watch your favorite TV when he is at work...That way,,, you can watch TV with him when he is at home and try to enjoy what he is watching,,, make some good comments of the program...or just stay there without talking... He will soon find time to talk to you..
Don't pressure him to engage with you...Just talk to him whenever it is necessary... for maybe he is in a dilima on what to do...with him... or with you...
If you are a Christian take time to read the bible...
And even if you are not a christian... pray...to God,, whowever you conceive Him to be.
Good Luck
2006-08-30 17:25:37 · answer #7 · answered by yulnores 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men are like this,they don't think the way we think! Some times a man needs some alone time.Learn to compromise watch a game with him even if you don't enjoy it act like you do and don't hound him about his feelings but show him that he's important! I swear this will work I've been married for 13 years.
2006-08-30 17:29:52 · answer #8 · answered by shaquanapm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let him do something or watch something he likes, try to think of something he like and talk about it.
But also try to understand that you recently suffered a heart failure and maybe he loves you so much that he can't accept the idea of losing you an so he fills his time with work to get his mind away from thinking about it. I think he loves you but it's hard for him to admit that he is worried.
2006-08-30 17:49:14 · answer #9 · answered by Faust 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. This is a tough one.I cannot possibly empathize with either one of you guys. I do know that you must certainly feel abandoned and alone. I fear that I might react the same way if my wife had a similar issue. He might be having difficulty dealing with the prospect of your loss. I know I would. His reaction is quiet which does not really help you much, I know. Instead of arguing about it try a sympathetic approach and see if that works.
Good Luck .
2006-08-30 17:27:31 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone to do his own thing. Get yourself interested in something that YOU enjoy. You need to look after yourself first and foremost. If you give each other the space that you both need then when you do eventually see each other you will have much more interesting conversations.
You shouldn't be looking to your husband as your be all and end all.
2006-08-30 17:20:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋