One day I knew you'd come to see
the things you sought were all in me
one day you would realize
oh my god she is that girl
you tore me down and killed my dream
but things arent what they seem
by destroying me you saved my life
you broke my back and I learned to fight
wandered aimless in the night
I'd fall apart at even the sight
but looking at you now I know Im alright
I found the way, the truth, the life.
This is an original poem by me D.C.C.
2006-08-30 10:00:07 · 9 answers · asked by dreamgirl4myboy 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Poets always right out of pain. Good job. And good to see you've moved on from Mr. Wrong.
2006-08-30 10:03:40 · answer #1 · answered by rltouhe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It good but a bit disjointed in the 4th and 5th lines ..it the content is good but the flow is quite awkward...good try.
Suggestion? rejig the 2 nd part. the emotions are there but seem to be all over the place..
try this...
you tore me down and killed my dream
wandered aimless in the night
by destroying me you saved my life
you broke my back but I learned to fight
In Time past
I'd fall apart at your sight
but looking at you now I know Im alright
Dunno just a thought !!
2006-08-30 17:15:45 · answer #2 · answered by kydexa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poetry writing is a skill that benefits from constant practice. A few revisions to correct uneven rhythm and incongruous verb tense, and you're off to a great piece of art...
Asking others' opinions is important in all forms of creative writing. The more people critique your work, the more you'll learn about what flows and what doesn't. Just remember, don't take criticism personally. Keep writing, and keep posting!!!
2006-08-30 17:35:29 · answer #3 · answered by Angela M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely Beautiful!
2006-08-30 17:18:43 · answer #4 · answered by Fairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes your poem is very good, writing from the heart or from experience, which ever I liked it very much.......
2006-08-30 19:28:58 · answer #5 · answered by ann b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's really beautiful . you did a real good job on it . keep writing .
2006-08-30 17:15:49 · answer #6 · answered by bearangelcindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep it up! Share more...you are great at expressing thoughts!
2006-08-30 17:55:36 · answer #7 · answered by Latte2Go 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice
2006-08-30 17:05:41 · answer #8 · answered by jp_457 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it.
2006-08-30 17:24:45 · answer #9 · answered by prince47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋