My parents got divorced when I was 7 and my father wasn't around alot. Now that i'm 22. my moms gotten remarried and just this year my father has and had a baby. My mom doesn't like the fact that I spend time with my new little sister and that I'm trying to have a relationship with my father. She says that I'm neglecting her and because my father hasn't been aroung in the past why should I want a relationship with (them). WHat should I do. I love my mom she' always been there for me, but I've always wanted this relationship with my father.
2006-08-30 10:00:00 · 11 answers · asked by lovebnjenn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am sure you have the right to have a relationship with your father and his new family, especially if this is a healthy relationship, not one based on grudges or resentment. It is very usual for fathers to become absent or even disappear after a divorce takes place. In many cases, the ex-wife creates a lot of obstacles for him to see his children, so he prefers or has to give them up. So maybe your father didn't really want to abandon you, even if you felt like that.
Clearly your mother is jealous. It is very hard to deal with jealousy. Jealous people are often irrational. They won't be persuaded or convinced that they don't need to be jealous. But it is maybe worth your while trying to talk to her gently, telling her that you aren't giving her up, but just trying to fill in a hole in your life.
Don't try to make your father appear to be an angel. Tell your mother that you are aware of his limitations, but that you need this bond now that you can have it without her interference.
It is great that you love your mother. Not every daughter does. In fact, most daughters in your age have serious problems with their mothers. So, try to keep up your love for your mother and her love for you, balancing the time you spend with her and with them, so that she won't feel to be in the background now.
2006-08-30 11:13:55 · answer #1 · answered by JC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there...Your mom sounds like she's jealous that you want a relationship with your dad and you lil sister. But that's ok, too.You have every right to get to know your dad. Even though, dad wasn't around then doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with him now. That's all your choice, not moms. It's great that you have the opportunity now to have that relationship with your dad.
2006-08-30 10:11:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my parents divorced when i was 6 and i didnt see my father for 16 years. He had gotten remarried and had 2 girls. when i found out i became very close with my new sisters they were already 12 and 14. My father and his new wife split before i found out. I got pregnant at 23 and i found out that when I would go visit my sisiters he would leave the house because he was still living there even thogh they were split. when he found out that i was prego, he wanted to be grandpa. it was a little awkward but i let him see his granddaughter. he would come and go, so i never really let my daughter have a real relationship with him, after all she had a papa( my step-father) but 2 years later we found out he had cancer of the lungs and brain. I set up all medical appts for him, took him to radiation therapy and helped him out quite abit. he passed 1 month later. i til this day never regret getting close to him. it was what he needed to help him die peacefully and i forgave him for never being there. your mother needs to understand that you are grown and can make decisions and can decide if its what you really want. good luck!
2006-08-30 10:10:47 · answer #3 · answered by tsd574 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it has to work both ways. If you father has attempted a relationship with you then yeah go for it. There's nothing wrong with that. You mom might be jealous, but she should let you do what you want. She for sure shouldn't tell you not to spend time with them. Just try to not go overboard with them and not your mom. She derserves more of your time and love.
2006-08-30 10:05:52 · answer #4 · answered by Susa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your father is your father forever.Try to have time to spent with your father; and time to spent with your mother.You need both,not only one.That is what you need to do.Good luck.You will live happy forever, if you have your Dad, and your Mother, mean: having a good family relationship with both)
2006-08-30 10:08:53 · answer #5 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby girl, this is sad. your mom wants you to take side with her. she has to realize that he is still your father. and what you're trying to do is trying to become a better person. as a person, you can't grow to be come loveable from hate. it's just not right. i'm sure she'd been preaching to you about how bad your dad is. well, now you're a better person to forgive and go on with your life. you can't possibly be mad @ your dad for ever. right?
2006-08-30 10:16:34 · answer #6 · answered by harmony 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve to have a relationship with ur dad if u want. Just understand that he hurt your mom, and you are all she's had to hold on to, so it may be hard to let you go. But you're a big woman!! Just let her know you're not deserting her
2006-08-30 10:04:54 · answer #7 · answered by LoneWolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it. Your Mom and Dad divorced. You did not divorce your Dad. Your mother is being childish by not wanting you to associate with your Dad and his new family.
2006-08-30 10:10:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say do what your heart tells you to do. I never got to meet my dad before he died.I am 39 and have never met my side of the family. Your mom will get over it and see that seeing your dad is what makes you happy. enjoy
2006-08-30 10:15:14 · answer #9 · answered by oceanwvs2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know its hard to step up and talk to your mom but you and mom have to remember that you father is your fater and y'all should spend equal time just forget the past
2006-08-30 10:05:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋