I'm just curious what people think. I was in a controlling relationship a long time ago, so I'm recovered. This guy was totally focused on me, what I ate, who I talked to, how I should dress and pretty well every detail of my existence, but it was all supposed to be for my benifit, and he seemed to have pretty well no sense of self. Was his behaviour selfish, or does it belong in it's own category of warped?
2006-08-30 09:42:05 · 8 answers · asked by mj_indigo 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Controlling people are trying mask their insecurities. Whenever you encounter someone like that-----RUN, don't walk, RUN in the other direction. Their selfish behavior is rooted in something way deeper than you will probably ever find out, because they're too afraid to show you, or anyone else, that side of them. Someone royally screwed him up before you got there. Whatever he's trying to control, is not about you and you don't have to deal with it. Not trying to sound like I don't care about controlling people, but from experience, they are too afraid to seek help and get more controlling the more you try to help. It's not really warped, it's really sad. Find someone who already knows his self worth so he can appreciate yours!
2006-08-30 09:59:19 · answer #1 · answered by dct1218 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His behavior may have been selfish. I can't know because I wasn't there. But there are times when controlling behavior is not selfish. As an example, when you have a child, you start out controlling every aspect of that child's life: you feed him, you choose his clothes, you put him where he's going to sit, etc. As time goes on, he gets more control, but at first when he gets more control, your grip has to get tighter, not looser. He can crawl now, so you let him, but you slap his hand when he reaches for the electrical socket.
The same can be true in a romantic relationship. A man who does a poor job of managing money might be put on a budget by his wife. Controlling? Yes. Selfish? No. How about a wife who has a habit of dressing provocatively and flirting without realizing it, who's husband refuses to let buy the kind of clothing she would pick for herself? Controlling? Yes. Selfish? No. (He has a right to feel secure in the marriage and be the only one flirting with his wife, if he wants.)
That much said, usually if you think you're being controlled selfishly, you're probably right.
2006-08-30 16:58:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is. My wife calls me at work about every 5 minutes just to see what i'm doing, and if she doesn't like it, she tries to put a guilt trip on me. Her problem is that she grew up with a controlling mother, and reallly that's the only way she knows how to function in a relationship. She doesn't know what to make of me, i'm completly the opposite. I let her make her own mistakes, so that she can learn to make better decision in the future. She wants to be on my mind like every second of the day, but when I'm at work I have to focus on what i'm doing or somone is going to get hurt. I just wish she'd chill till I got home.
2006-08-30 17:36:33 · answer #3 · answered by HeadacheZone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes control is mistaken for leadership. But I don't see that in your case. I think he was just a control freak. Maybe he felt the need to dominate you because of the insecurity of his past. Whatever the case, it's good you got rid of him!!!! You said you recovered,'what did you recover from??? Did he abuse you?? Abuse is common with that type of behavior.
2006-08-30 16:52:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
These control freaks are selfish AND warped! Be grateful you got out!!!!!!!!!!! They are very SICK people! They use for your benefit as an excuse to continue. It's a form of brainwashing.
2006-08-30 16:46:09 · answer #5 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe it was selfish.. but also problematic... and maybe he was trying to control you because he had something to hide.. I find that a lot of controlling people or jealous people tend to be controlling/jealous for a reason.. i.e. often.... they cheat on their significant other... or don't do what they control you for...
2006-08-30 16:46:02 · answer #6 · answered by Lyne B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was a control freak with nothng better to do...it made him feel good about himself. I'm happy that you got out of that relationship.
2006-08-30 16:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by simpleplan0013 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it was selfish. He was afraid you were doing something or sharing something with someone else that he wasn't privy too.
Ultimately that is insecurity.
2006-08-30 16:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by tjjone 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋