how can I make my mom to change her mind about my bras?

Question

I'm 13, my mom worries a lot about my breats and don't want boys staring at me.I'm a C cup, so, she makes me wear bras that give much support and no see-through. But she goes overboard, I don't like those bras, theyre confining and hot, especially in summer. I complained a lot but she says it's for my best. I won't to rebel, I know she's sure it's for my best, she's a nice mom, but kinda strict on bras. The bras I gotta wear are at http://www.anita.com/de/en/0,1,104,1478,39236__products-detail.htm They have 4 row of hooks in the back. Not OK for a 13 yo. 1 hour ago I talked to mom again. She said she already told me a lot of times why I need such bras, it's her mother decision, won't back off and doesn't want to hear any more complaints. I Got a bit mad, said I'd take it off at school. She said she'll know and I'll have to spend a whole afternoon writing lines like I should keep my bra on. Anyway I dont lie to her. Am I stuck? Even if I save money, I'm not allowed to buy other bras

I'm a good girl, don't intend to rebel or look vulgar. Just wanna wear a diffrent kind of bra, but this seems impossible

Answer 1

Wow. Sounds like your mom is stressed out. My mother and I have had this same problem, but with other things. The best thing to do is get her (and yourself) calmed down. Come up with a few reasons why you should be allowed to wear the bras. Tell her you're not trying to be rebelious, you're simply trying to be comfortable but you understand it from her POV (point of veiw) as well, and you will respect your overall desision.

However, before you go, ask her if you two could go somewhere and talk. Feelings come out more in the house, so prehaps you could go get some supper, or just a soda if money is tight.

Hope this helps. Good luck, and contact me at [e-mail] if you need any help!

Answer 2

I've been there... at 13 I wore a 32d and almost all you could buy years ago were what I called "granny bras" in that size. However, my mom thankfully understood and eventually we found nice bras that offered support, but weren't trampy. I think your mom is worried about you looking too sexy. Maybe you should suggest going and trying on bras together. That way you could show her that not all pretty, comfortable bras are see through or trampy. There are lots of full-coverage bras that are still less restrictive and more comfortable than the ones she is making you wear. Being a c cup you shouldn't have any trouble finding nice bras that don't make you look 21.

Answer 3

I had to go to 5th grade in a bra - the 'fully' bra, style # 532. You can see a picture of it if you search the web for that style.. I survived. I work part time in a bra department and see lots of young teenagers and their mothers arguing over bras. The teenagers want the sexy bras, and their mothers are concerned. You didn't mention in your question your band size - that will definitely have something to do with the number of hooks in the back. The bigger the band size, the more hooks.. If you are a "C" cup, you do need support. If you don't get proper support now, by the time you are 18 you will be drooping already. Trust me, you don't want to droop! You don't need padding, since mother nature was generous with you, but maybe a bra with a light lining would be appropriate. There are lots of styles available. I would recommend that you and your mother go to a department store with a good bra department where someone can show you and your mother styles that would work for both of you. There are pretty and comfortable ones out there that are supportive that would work for both of you. Champion makes some nice supportive and full coverage bras, that aren't necessarily sports bras, that are cool and comfortable, that breathe. Also, Vanity Fair and Maidenform also make bras that are more geared to young people than the one you put in your question, that are supportive and pretty. These brands are U.S. brands and if you aren't in the United States, try Charnos or Wacoal. They are also good brands but I am not as familiar with their available styles.

Just be patient. Your mother cares about you. You will be able to buy your own bras when you are older. Just give her some time to adjust to your growing up.

Answer 4

I understand that you don't want to be rebellious. I am sure that you have told your mom that the reason you want to get another kind of bra is because those are hot and confining. She is just worried about what type of woman she is guiding you to become. She must think pretty (not sexy) bras will put you in the wrong frame of mind. Even though you sound smarter than to think that. She just knows you are more developed than your peers and wants to protect you from boys.
Just calmly tell her that the bras are confining. Honestly every girl deserves to feel pretty (again not sexy) and when you are squished and not comfy you can't feel confident. Pick out some pictures of bras (not too much frilly stuffs or low cut because you want her to see your point of view) and discuss with her what is acceptable about them and what is not. What you want and what she wants.
It is refreshing that you don't want to automatically lie to her. Because if she found out then she would really freak. But if she is unwavering then I am sorry. Some parents are just like that and they honestly believe they are doing the right thing for you. So good luck. I know how you feel I was a c in middle school too.

Answer 5

I think you should ask her to go shopping with you again. Try on other full-coverage bras, and show her that you can still be modestly dresed without being so uncomfortable. Tell her that you'd like an opportunity to earn her trust.

Would you be more comfortable in a sports bra? She might even like that option better because they flatten the chest a bit.

No matter what kind of bra you're wearing, boys are going to look at your chest. There's no way around that. As long as they aren't bouncing around and your nipples aren't poking through your shirt, I don't know what difference the bra makes, but this is obviously something your mother feels very strongly about, so you should try to find a compromise.

Answer 6

Okay, I'm a mom, but I'm also a girl, and I understand what you're talkign about. I hardly ever went bra or underwear shopping with my mom; my grandma usually took me, because we have more similar tastes.

Many people have suggested that if your mom is also large-chested, then she may be trying to spare you from something that she experienced, but it could also be that your mom is small-chested and doesn't really know how you're feeling. When you're smaller-chested, there are so many more options that are both cute and also modest and supportive. She may have read how larger-chested people need so much more support, and is trying to go that route.

Likely, she is being a little over-protective because she's worried about how fast girls are growing up in this culture, and doesn't want to see you doing that.

Perhaps you could discuss it with *her* mom, or one of her sisters, if she has any, or if that's even an option for you, and then they could talk it over with her.

I'm a C cup now, but when I was your age, I was still an A cup and I never went through exactly this, but now I buy most of my bras at walmart. They're not always the best of quality, but you can find a large selection that are very modest, supportive, and in colors like white and beige, and they're not at all expensive.

I had a friend whose mother was much like your mother. My friend was only allowed to wear plain white cotton bras and panties, and her mother had to pick them out(and all of her other clothes had to be approved), and even went through her drawers to make sure she didn't go out and buy her own.

But then my friend graduated high school and went off to college, and was finally able to try making her own decisions, and she went totally overboard with it, because she didn't have any practice with desicion making while still at home with her mom.

She ended up trying all sorts of drugs, and then getting pregnant.

My mom had a friend in high school whose dad was like this, and her friend and her friends 3 sisters also ended up about like my friend.

Not saying that you will end up exactly like this, but that is just the experience that I have had with someone whose mom was super over-protective.

I don't think I've been much help, but Good luck!
And if nothing else, bring it up again when you're 14.

Answer 7

Wow that's a giant bra. I understand why you want something different. Maybe ask her if you can change to something that is just as opaque and minimizing but with less fabric. that one covers half your shoulders and goes down to the bottom of your ribs. Let her know that you are not looking for something sexy, lacy, thin, or revealing but you need something that is not so giant. Maybe if you promise to wear thick shirts that you can't see thru she'd be more understanding. Good luck and way to go on being a daughter that wants to follow her rules. It will pay off in the end.

Also, at 13 you may be one of the only girls with a big chest and therefore a target for being stared at by the boys. Maybe when you are older and there are more girls with chests to look at also your mom won't be so concerned with you getting a lot of stares.

Answer 8

Maybe you could look in some women's magazine or fliers for local stores and show your mom pictures of bras that you would like. Better yet, see if she is willing to look with you and maybe you can compromise on something that still covers you, but looks nice too. Lot's of mom's freak out at the thought of Victoria's Secret, but they have some very nice, full coverage bras that are in fun colors and fabrics, but still supportive and appropriate for someone your age. The sales women there are always very, very helpful and they'll even measure you (over your shirt, with your shirt on) to make sure you have the right size bra and suggest styles that would work best for your size.

Answer 9

The pic. is really a nice looking bra.You sound like a nice girl. The only part I take issue with is the "four rows of hooks on the back." I wear a 38-D and would never wear one with that many rows of hooks. They are too uncomfortable. Try getting your mom to go shopping with you. You can buy cotton bra's that will not be as hot and there are plenty of bra's that look like the one in the pic. with only 1 row of hooks. Good luck. Stay sweet.

Answer 10

Don't be rebellious or defiant (that is when parents stop trusting their kids), but remind your mom that breasts are breasts and boys will stare no matter what bra you have on underneath. Tell her that you're not asking her to take you out to Victoria's Secret to buy skimpy lingerie, but just something more comfortable for you. Show her pictures of what YOU would like to wear - be honest with her in WHY the kind you are wearing bother you. BTW - the 4 rows of hooks in the back have nothing to do with "coverage" - they are more for support when you have very large breasts. Finally, if she still refuses to budge, ask yourself it is really that big of a deal? Honestly, I would rather argue w/ my mom over a pair of jeans that I really wanted to get, instead odf a bra...if she is letting you wear the other things that you want, then a bra isn't such a big deal, is it? Maybe she is worried that you will want to start wearing revealing shirts once you get a bra that won't show under those shirts. Consider your mom's perspective (although I know that's really hard to do) Hope that helps!