She is in therapy which seems to be working in some areas but we haven't had sex in a year now.
2006-08-30 08:58:36 · 7 answers · asked by Elizabeth M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Elizabeth, I'm really sorry to hear it.
Check in on the therapy. Make sure that the therapist is qualified in the type of therapy you and your partner want, and giving good advice. I had a friend that went to a licensed "therapist" and got a lot of religion thrown at them. This may work for some people, but it's not great science and can be more harm than good sometimes.
The therapist should be talking about things like "safe zones" and how to make your partner feel "safe and secure." I probably couldn't add anything to what they would tell you.
I will hold up a warning flag.
The worst thing that could happen is that this experience could end your relationship. As part of her exploring this abusive experience, anything could happen. She could emotionally project some of this onto you, she may wish to try to "get that feeling again" with another partner. These experiences are so traumatic that they really re-write our behavior from the ground up, and working on them sometimes really has the potential to be life-changing.
Yes, I speak from experience.
So watch out for you too, during this time. Really focus on putting your heart into a good, strong place. This could be a real lesson in agape. I guess after a year it already has been. Best of luck to you!
2006-08-30 09:20:19 · answer #1 · answered by Jerry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was sexually abused as a child and I found sex to be frightening. My husband was very gentle and made sure that the trust was there between us so that I wouldn't fear him. It took us a little while but not nearly as long as it has you too. Maybe you should join her in therapy to find out what you can do to help. Without sex a marriage is doomed.
2006-08-30 09:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-06 02:21:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i was sexually abused. What worked with me was going really slow. First day we started wih a kiss, and every day we went a little futher. Stop if she can't handle it. but keep trying one day it will happen and as long as you stand beside her and support her she will feel comfortable being with you. You may be on a long road and it might take awhile but it will be worth the wait. Also there will be days that are worse than other. Let her talk on those days. Also it might help if you let her take the lead until she is comfortable with you leading.
2006-08-30 09:06:52 · answer #4 · answered by pam b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take things extremely slow. You've got to build trust, and that won't be easy. Treat her like an absolute queen. Spend as much non-sexual intimate time as you can with her. Massages and perpetual hugs and kisses are an absolute necessity.
And she absolutely needs to continue in her therapy.
2006-08-30 09:09:29 · answer #5 · answered by Privratnik 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I HAVE DID IT A LONG TIME AGO AND JUST LOOK NOW AT YONG GIRLS DONT DO ANYTHING NOW I DID TELL MY WIFE ABOUT IT WAS HARD TO TELL HER BUT SHE MAY FIND OUT SOME HOW SO I DID IT IT IS SCARY TO ME TO THIS DAY I CANT TELL YOU WHY IT IS BUT IT IS SCARY SO IF YOU LOVE HIM TALK TO HIM STAY BY HIS SIDE SOME TIMES IT NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS BUT IF YOU DONT LEAVE HIM AND IF HE LIKE ME NEVER LEAVE HIM ALONE WITH ANY KIDS MY WIFE KNOW NOT TO I KNOE I MADE SOME MAD AT ME BUT I TELLING THE TRUE ABOUT I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS BUT I KNOW WHAT IM AN MY WIFE HELP ME HE NEED HELP
2006-08-30 09:11:13 · answer #6 · answered by do it good 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been sexuley mulessded win i was 16 theen years old so i have been in her shose before just give her time to get over it and shell come around
2006-08-30 09:07:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋