I adore my husband, but most of the marriage has felt like we are just roomates. I have no desire to be intimate with him what so ever. I am worried that this is a sign that my marriage is over, and that maybe I am not in love with him. He has been very patient and understanding during this time, so I want to try anything and everything to see if I am just in a rut sexually, or if it is my husband that I am no longer attracted to. Obviously if that is the case - I owe it to him to tell him of my feelings sooner than later.
Any ideas or suggestions that you have would be great.
2006-08-30 08:19:52 · 22 answers · asked by despret_hse_wife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe it is not him but just the way you and he have sex. Perhaps you can try reading stories on sites like literotica.com, xnxx.com, and asstr.org and see what turns you on. Then sit down with your husband and discuss trying something new. It could hurt if sex relations is the only problem you are having. A little spice may liven it up.
Good luck!
2006-08-30 08:44:39 · answer #1 · answered by Just Another Guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't state how long you have been married or whether he used to be interested in sex with you early in the marriage or before you were married? Was he always this way even in other relationships? Does he have any medical conditions that lead to the impotence or has that even been diagnosed as the problem? Do you just assume that it is devastating to him because of what you have read or heard about it or has he actually stated that he is "devastated by his problem"? These are all important questions for you to ask yourself or him if he is willing to even discuss it with you, which he should be if you have good communication in your marriage and he feels safe to divulge information to you.(don't ever discuss these kinds of things with your family members or friends if you want him to be able to trust you) My "gut instinct" tells me that he has a lot deeper issues that has lead to the impotence and lack of sexual desire. The fact that he doesn't even want to kiss, cuddle, hold hands or otherwise be "close" tells me that it's probably not just a medical/sexual problem. Has he ever talked to you about his childhood/ sexual experiences or whether he was ever molested or raped as a child or adolescent/teen? does he seem disconnected from you and your children or other family members on an emotional level? Does he try to stay "busy" (career, yard work, hobbies,etc.) all the time or has anger issues (outbursts, extreme unforgivness or trust issues) with most or all of his relationships? Does he have any male friends or co-workers that he socializes with? You should think about all of these questions and see if you find a pattern in his relationships. If you think I'm on to something and you would like to discuss this further (privately) you can e-mail me and I will try to give you more insight as to what I think could be the problem.Whatever you decide to do, don't just sit back and accept a "marriage without a relationship"! Life can go by swiftly and both of you are missing out of some very important and much deserved intimacy!
2016-03-27 01:29:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a familiar story. Women just seem to go 'off the boil' much quicker than men. Maybe your libido isn't that strong to start off with? Have you had stressors recently? Maybe you have a child, or you have stress at work etc etc? It doesn't always mean a marriage is over if the 2 people feel similarly. Does he feel more physical than you and does he complain about it?
Do you feel good about yourself in general? It helps when you think you look attractive and therefore, feel sexy (hate that word).
Sad when this happens, especially when you adore him.
2006-08-30 08:24:55 · answer #3 · answered by medium_of_dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go see a doctor... might be something messing with your sex drive. Or, do you see guys on the street and think to yourself "YUMMY" If you think that never mind with the doctor and just tell your husband - or try counseling to see if you two working together can find a way to make a spark.
2006-08-30 08:23:15 · answer #4 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
May I never be adored by ANYBODY the way you adore your husband.
I feel for the poor sap, and am surprised he puts up with it.
Go and see a doctor to find out whether there is anything physically wrong with you
2006-08-30 08:31:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give up just yet. Have you tried going to a sex therapist? there maybe an enderlying problem here. Or if your on birth control, alot of time it completely diminishes your sex drive. Could you see yourself being without your husband? To me marriage isn't just about sex.
2006-08-30 08:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by PAgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go talk to your doctor before you say anything. A lot can happen to a woman because of a chemical in balance. Also - are you on any kind of medication? Check that out.
There is also a medication that helps the libido. Check on that with your doctor, too.
2006-08-30 08:24:28 · answer #7 · answered by Blond Logic 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to spice things up? Maybe you should try some different things in the bedroom. Role playing, toys, lotions and potions. Anything you can to make it more interesting. Good Luck...
2006-08-30 08:22:57 · answer #8 · answered by YHop 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem here is with you. See a doctor, counselor and/or therapist, read Dr. Laura books, fake it, do whatever it takes to save your marriage.
2006-08-30 08:27:55 · answer #9 · answered by Coz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just somethings you might want to think about. if this is going to work you have to go back to the start of your realationship and see what worked in the beginning examples. if the wieght was the same, going out on dates, going to social events. WHAT EVER YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THATS WHAT YOU HAVE TO GET BACK TOO.
2006-08-30 08:32:43 · answer #10 · answered by shaw_romeo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋