Been together for 3 years and married for 1. It use to be really good before while dateing. Now that we are married he doesn't seem to want to do anything for me. He always has smartass comments to say back to me even when I'm just trying to start a conversation. I've been sick, really bad flu, for 3 days now and when I asked him to pick us up something for dinner b/c I didn't feel like cooking he bitched at me for not cooking. I feel as if he fooled me in a way and now that we are married his true colors are showing. When I mention this to him he just doesn't get it. I'm in counseling for this. I feel very betrayed by the person who was suppose to love me and take care of me for the rest of my life. So how do I tell him I'm leaveing or should I just leave? Should I repect his feelings or not?
2006-08-30 07:42:20 · 28 answers · asked by why?? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I am sorry to hear that... You need to tell him because that is the right thing to do however, if he is not trying to listen to you. Then you have no choice but to do what you have to do.
Marriage is very hard and I know what you mean when it comes to men acting one way and once you marry them they become someone else. I am in a similiar situation and I want to leave him too but I keep thinking about my children and I have 4 of them. I need to think about my happiness too, because I can't live like this anymore.. Good Luck to you and I know that everything is going to be OK!!!
2006-08-30 07:56:50 · answer #1 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currently going throught the exact same thing... so here is what I have tried:
Obviously there is more to your marriage woes then just the fight over picking up dinner... If you are truly still in love with him, and want to grow old with him - then you owe it to yourself to not just give up because he is being a pain in the ***. Sit down on a night without interruptions. Make sure you both are not exhausted from work, and do not have any other obligations. Tell him how you feel, and don't worry about hurting his feelings - just tell it like it is. Not only will you feel better, but he will know HOW you are feeling. Men are dumb (sorry guys)- they don't think like we do. If you don't tell them - they will claim they didn't have any idea they were hurting your feelings. If he wants to be married to you - you will be able to tell. The side of him that you fell in love with in the first place will come out again. However, if he is doubting the marriage, this will be his opportunity to get out, and it will be obvious. And if that is the case, and as hurt as you may be... at least you will know.
So, in answer to your question -
Don't just leave. You need to have the satifaction and self respect to say that you tried. It has nothing to do with his feelings - this is all about you!! If he truly loves you , and you love him in return, the conversation will go just as you want it to. If this is the end, then just know - there are plenty of men out there that will treat you like the princess that you are.
Good Luck!
2006-08-30 08:09:54 · answer #2 · answered by despret_hse_wife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It always takes 2 to make a relationship work. When one of you does not commit to the relationship it inevitably will fail. I totally agree with your observation that he 'fooled' you as I myself experienced the same thing.
A simple analogy is like that once the goods have been bought from the shop and the wrappings are off and the gloss has gone then the interest wears off rapidly.
I think that the guy is seriously not wanting to commit in the hope that you'll react by walking away, thus giving him a clear conscience and a clean sheet.
The guy has totally no respect and the situation will only deteriorate further.
The only feelings worth respecting are yours and I would simply tell him in the same way you have simply asked us in your question but emphasising that unless he can change or try to change and soon then it is over and that you will leave him.
Good luck
2006-08-30 08:19:16 · answer #3 · answered by gemkeepur 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should be strait up with him and tell him your feelings. Don't just send him the divorce papers. That is an easy way out to nothing. Remind him about good you had before you got married and you wish that those good times could happen again. Are you sure that you have not changed also? Give him some excitement, surprise him. It might change his attitude. If you tell him you want to divorce he will always remember it and it's almost like a knife the the hart. (if he really loves you) He might be a smartalick /smart a s s but I bet he still loves you. Ask him to be strait up. Tell him if he loves you to stop being like that and that you don't like it.
2006-08-30 08:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by kangnamsuperman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your main complaints about your husband: he doesn't do things for you and he doesn't take care of you.
Was it that one-sided while you were dating? Why are you unable to take care of yourself? Has he married a "woman" who has no identity of her own? The way you phrase your question, you make it sound like, "Poor me." Maybe he's tired of picking up food not just when you're sick, but also all the other times you have some excuse for not cooking.
You shouldn't tell him you're leaving, AND you should not leave. Stay married, but get up, get to work, start doing things for yourself. Build a career, get an education, get a life. Make yourself happy, and he will be happy with you, and you'll stop carrying on the unrealistic expectation of having a husband who does everything for you.
I suspect he's feeling some disappointment to discover that he married a woman who is not adult enough to take care of herself.
2006-08-30 07:51:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Would he come to counseling with you to attempt to resolve the marital issues? If he does you just might be able to salvage your marriage and have a good relationship. If he refuses tell him that you cannot live this way and that you want a divorce. Feel free to move on with your life in any way you want to after telling him you plan to divorce him. But show him enough respect to tell him that your marriage isn't working for you.
2006-08-30 08:11:34 · answer #6 · answered by LeanyBean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should gust leave not let him now you dont konw how angry this guy could get and file for your divorce and go on itll be hard then call me ill show you how your sapose to be treated 307-221-5531 im 47 and a cowboy im6/6 im a hard worker and i know how to love and take care of a woman very well i have long curly hair and yes im a cowboy i also sing and play the guitar and ride motorcycles and love to go and do things but you should come first as long as i do to you
2006-08-30 07:51:43 · answer #7 · answered by tonydiekman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You fooled yourself... And you need to fix it. Sounds like you're not happy. Figure out what you're going to do, where you're going to go once you leave. Sit down with him, tell him you're leaving, and why. Don't let him guilt you into staying, if this isn't what you truly want to do. We all make mistakes, it's not a death sentence. Learn from it, and try to do better next time. Good luck!
2006-08-30 07:49:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister~ I dont know if you are Christian or not but I encourage you to seek God's Word. The Bible tells us that husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives. To love them as they do their own bodies. If your husband is not doing that he is biblically out of order and you can share that with him. At the same time, the Word tells us that when our husbands are NOT following the Word (even nonbelievers) we are to remain with them and by OUR conduct..we can change them. So as you continue to be the wife that you are supposed to be, God will honor your obedience and convict your husband's spirit about his behavior. Being unhappy is no excuse to get divorced. If you dont know the Lord, I encourage you both to seek Him. He will show you how to love each other beyond anything you've ever experienced before.
2006-08-30 08:00:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be as honest with him as you want him to be with you. It takes two to make or break a marriage. I wonder what he would say about how you have changed to him. Before ending something you once thought was special, try counseling.
2006-08-30 07:49:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋