I am married and have 2 kids. We are having lots of problems. Ive been instant messaging on of my old crushes online. Hes in another country and will be home soon and Ive gotten really close to him we talk everyday. Hes gonna be home soon and I think I want more than just a friendship. We liked each other in high school but never said anything to each other. What should I do?
2006-08-30 07:33:12 · 22 answers · asked by Nat-rabit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you can't work out your problems with your husband, then you should divorce him. It is not fair to your husband to cheat on him. I also would not act on anything with your crush until you work out your life. It's not fair to your family.
2006-08-30 07:38:22 · answer #1 · answered by jtj 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be honest with your husband. Tell him that you are not happy and that you want to move out. Don't cheat on or lie to him. You've got to maintain your integrity. Pretend your that one of your kids was grown and asking the question you posted here. What would you tell him or her to do? Also, when things are rough in life people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Don't think that way - because while you might have fun for a week or month or whatever you still have to go to sleep at night knowing that your kids don't have mommy and daddy together any more. And, it's probably really easy to put this guy up on a pedestal because he's NOT HERE and you're having an "instant message" relationship which is NOT REAL!
Your kids need their parents to be together. If you have tried counseling and exhaused all your resources to mend the marriage and it still doesn't work, get a divorce. But don't be a cheater.
2006-08-30 07:51:54 · answer #2 · answered by choosegreen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, think about your CHILDREN before anything. If you're having marriage problems, why not seek a counselor instead of rushing into a new relationship?
Starting a new relationship before even finishing an old one is only going to cause pain in the end. You shouldn't be giving into the temptation because you have two kids that can be highly affected by any decision you choose.
I like to help people save their marriages rather then see their entire families destruct because of lack of communication. I suggest you get help with your marriage and then if nothing changes THEN you can start having a relationship with this "crush" of yours.
You see, a marriage is a promise, a for better or worse type of thing. If you were in your husbands shoes and he was thinking of leaving his family for his old crush, I am pretty sure you'd be upset.
Imagine having to explain to your two children that you've found someone else you'd rather be with then their father. Don't you think they would want you to work out the relationship too? Kids change everything and when you have them, your priorities should be on what can help them best; NOT what suits you the best.
My final words to you; marriage counseling. For all you know, it could help you and your family greatly. (You don't know what you've got till it's gone, so don't lose your family for a simple crush).
2006-08-30 07:45:08 · answer #3 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stop talking to your crush. You may be thinking that the grass is greener, and maybe it isn't.
You're clouding the marriage up with this outside influence.
You and your husband should go try marriage counseling to straighten this out, and get back on track.
If your marriage is dead, then get divorced.
But, you absolutely have to quit pursuing this other guy, until you resolve your problems. Only then should you consider being more than friends with someone else.
Family is your first priority here. I'm sorry that you are unhappy, but your question specifically states that you are not happily married and you're having problems. It did not say I want a divorce, I hate my husband, I don't love my husband, so I have to assume, that your marriage may be fixable, and that you have to give it a fair shake, before you get a divorce, and find out that divorce was not your best option.
IMing some dude does not make you close. I think it's just easier for you to envision yourself out of your situation, than to have to clean up the mess right now. I understand. It is a normal reaction. But you can't hinge your hopes on your highschool crush because he might be a good match for you. You need to deal with your marriage first. Fix it or end it. If you end it, your free to pursue whoever.
Good luck
2006-08-30 07:45:54 · answer #4 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Don't throw your marriage away just yet. Wait until you have really tried to work things out with your husband. Since you have only been talking you don't know how things will be when he comes back home. It is easy to say things but actions will speak louder. Your kids will be better off when the adults in their lives are happy and aren't around fighting. Only you can decide whether your husband is worth trying for. You deserve to be happy just don't move too fast.
2006-08-30 07:39:26 · answer #5 · answered by mia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're the exact reason why the divorce rate is soooo high. Why are being so selfish? You have a husband and children to consider? And how it will effect them....or do you care? Do you now the meaning of marriage. Were you drunk when you said your vows?
How about trying something really crazy?....like fixing your marriage? Or finishing what you started before moving on?
Just my opinion....for what's it's worth.
2006-08-30 07:51:40 · answer #6 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he gets home and go out during the day for a coffee meeting to just say hi and catch up in person. He knows your married (and you may have mentioned how you are not happy) and he may not want to get involved in that way. You have to prepare for both angles. Just remain friends and see where it goes. As for telling him how you really feel, I would be careful in the beginning.
2006-08-30 07:37:52 · answer #7 · answered by Sara S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think that this freind wants the best for u and ur kids maybe yall could keep talking and when he gets home meet up and see what u think and maybe move into it kinda slow but the husband part of the deal i am still trying to figure that one out bc i woulnt want u to get hurt and i do want the right thing to happen
2006-08-30 07:43:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are not happy then you should not be in that relationship!! And if you are still in the realtionship because of your two kids then that is not a good reason!! If you have feeling for this other guy leave the one your with or you can cheat and get cought it is up to you but I say leave!!
2006-08-30 07:38:16 · answer #9 · answered by onesexyg18 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Better thinking of starting another relationship, talk to your husband and if things you see are not going anywhere terminate that relationship and feel free to start another one with no regrets, and bad feelings of cheating. Cause that's what will be if you let go of your husband first.
2006-08-30 07:38:36 · answer #10 · answered by latina lover 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋