he is violent towards me and I have tried to end it before however it was all blamed on myself. Recently I have been searching for ways to get out of this relationship I know this is wrong but have been searching through his emails etc and found he is advertising himself on repulsive internet dating/sex sites. Do people regard this as cheating this is my only hope of putting the blame on him without serious repercusions. I have made a plan to produce all of his emails to him but not in my home, where shall i do this and how can I easily get the keys off him without him beating me.
I know it will be hard to get rid of him and financially but any serious advice would be great right now.
2006-08-30 07:17:51 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Can I just say to everyone who replied thank you for your advice and support. I am so nervous and scared but know this is the right thing to do. his neice is at the school where i work so that will be hard but i feel stronger now thanks again
2006-08-30 07:41:02 · update #1
First of all.... Finding something that shifts the blame to him is pointless. If the guy is violent and abusive to you and not willing to take responsibility for such reprehensible behavior as that, what makes you think he's going to accept you leaving for something like this sex site thing?
You need to get out, get a restraining order, and get away from this guy.
If money is an issue, check for a women's shelter or church in your area. There are people who will help you.
2006-08-30 07:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by Shaman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, find an excuse to go to the mall, plan on going to the food court or something relatively public. Make sure you have friends or family at a distance just in case he does make a scene. Before bringing up anything, buy him a keychain or something. Hold onto it and tell him you have a surprise and to give you the house key, take the key and pretend to put it on the chain. Don't give the key back and confront him with the issue, end of story. While this is happening at the mall, have someone at your place getting either your things together or his. That's it, done deal.
2006-08-30 07:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly I would like to say YOU ARE SOOOO BRAVE FOR ADMITING THIS, This is the first step to getting on the right track. WELL DONE YOU .
My advice is to print all the relevent emails off when he is at work, then to get the keys back you are going to HAVE to do one of two things:-
1) tell him it is over in a neutrul place preferably a public place WITH afriend/relative (NEVER ALONE) and get the locks changed
or
2) go to the police and report this abuse and they will get the keys back. if they dont you will have to get the locks changed.
Either way, I am affraid this not going to be easy.
I am sorry to sound hard but it is.
Preferdly I would personal kick his head in for you.
2006-08-30 07:25:53 · answer #3 · answered by Robert B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant do this on your own.. If your planning on getting rid of this guy by showing him these emails then make sure someone is nearby, or you are somewhere public.. text him to meet up in a cafe for lunch or something..somewhere you know you wont get hurt and if he turns violent then there are plenty of people around. But really if he is beating you, you need to go and tell someone who can help.. if you get rid of him the way you plan.. how do you know hes not coming back??...
2006-08-30 07:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by Katy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't bother with the emails. If he is constantly blaming you for things, finding fault with him is not the issue. He's just making excuses for already bad behaviour. You don't need to prove anything. He would just choose not to see it your way. With People like that, you need the law on your side.You need to sneak away and go to the police. There must be some sort of restraining order in your country, I'm sure, but definitely leave and sever all ties. You're only wasting precious time.
2006-08-30 11:20:13 · answer #5 · answered by debbie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get some strong guys to back you up. Do things in public where there are witnesses. Perhaps the police would help or contact a women's help group & see if they have ideas or can refer you to someone.
Don't weaken now - you are doing the right thing and will be the happier for it. He is a user & yes, it is cheating (or would be if he could get responses to his ads!). Good for you!
Forget about the keys - change the locks!
2006-08-30 07:24:17 · answer #6 · answered by savagescorpio 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the police involved! You do not need an excuse to get out of this relationship - but I do view advertising on dating sites as being disloyal.
There is no way to easily get the keys off him with no risk of him beating you. You must contact local police and have them intervene. They will be able to supervise any contact and will give you good advice on how to proceed.
If you absolutely refuse to go to the police, have the locks changed. A few dollars is nothing compared to your safety.
After you have taken care of yourself, look into counseling. I am also prone to get myself into abusive relationships, and there are things you can do to avoid them in the future.
2006-08-30 07:23:52 · answer #7 · answered by Ashleyrah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i were you i would consider this cheating on you. I think maybe you should go to the library or some place that has public computers to show him. If he reacts by beating you, there will be people there to help you. You should get out of this relationship as soon as possible! Then maybe call the police to take him out of the house and a restraining order.
2006-08-30 07:22:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need this idiot out of your life. You don't need excuses - he has been violent for which there is no excuse at all. You can't be blamed for his bad behaviour and you don't need an excuse. You need support to help you rid yourself of this liability. I assume you have other friends and I suggest you take them into your confidence and plan to have him leave. Be ready to change the locks, to prove the flat is yours, and to call the police if he doesn't leave peacefully. Also check out for a local solicitor who specialises in Domestic and Family matters.
2006-08-31 21:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by Roadrunner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get in touch with womens aid for support and help,
then, have support with you, your parents friends, and produce thew emails in front of them, make sure they know about him being violent before hand...... and tell him youve had enough and want him out.......
if you dont want him in the house get your friends/oarents to help you pack his stuff up and leave it on the garden out front, locks changed then shout out the window its over your not going to let him beat you any more... if he starts just call the police on him..
make sure you have the locks changed soon as he leaves, it only costs £50......
if the flat is rented, simply cancle the contract early and move away from that area so he doesnt know where you are.....
change your phone/mobile number asap.....
dont back down or accept anything he says he will lie to stay at the flat then revert back to his normal violent behaviour......
get him out!!!
2006-08-30 07:30:08 · answer #10 · answered by meow22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋