Long story short the father of my children has done drugs etc... He's in jail for stealing some stuff in a store. We were married now divorced. His grandparents have been in his life like his parents they were also blind to alot of things. Now they are trying to convience me that he is doing better. Iam with a great guy now he is the closest thing my kids have had as a father we just moved to another state. I feel like Iam finnaly escaping all the bullshit. Should i take my kids to see him I don't wanna be the one who keeps them from their father. Should I just let them see who he is own their own?
2006-08-30 07:09:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
if your children are old enough to make their own decison then let them know were their father is and why he is there. If they want to go see them then yes you should take them to see his since he is their father. it dosent mean you have to see him but for the childrens sake do it for them.
plus you never know what he really is may not be what he wants his children to see of him and he may change for their sakes.
i would talk to your children about it all of course depening on their ages and see what they say.
If your children arent old enough to understand it all then just wait until they can understand it all!
Best of luck!!!!!
2006-08-30 07:18:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would wait ... wait until he's out of jail ... settled down ... keeps a job ... shows he wants to be part of their lives ... and is responsible enough to have them over to visit ... that's when you should let them see their dad ...
I've had to visit my brothers in jail a few times and I would never want my child to see their daddy in jail .. even if they're not close to him ... it's still a vivid image that they will never forget ... jail isn't that bad ... it's just the whole experience I don't think is suitable for children ... they just don't understand exactly what's going on .. !
Sounds like you're finally doing well ... and I can totally understand you with that one ... single parent, divorced with a new love ... never been happier ... and you desire the same ... !
2006-08-30 07:20:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is the one who decided to leave his children the day he decided to steal and do drugs.. He jeopardise his relationship with the kids and if the kids are happy with the new guy then there is no need to confuse them.. when they are old enough that they can understand then you can explain to them the real situation... Fo now just let them know that he is working.. because technacly he is working on getting himslef straighten out and plus you don't want to take kids to a jail.
2006-08-30 07:16:39 · answer #3 · answered by 1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left out a lot of info like how old are your kids. This problem is too complicated for this format. Churches often have free counseling or if you can afford it try that. One suggestion take it slow like see if they want to write him and watch what he writes back. Here's the thing if you stop them when they want to go then in the end you lose. Stiill if you are worried take it slow and you can always sugest to the grand parents take them if it comes to that in the end.
2006-08-30 07:19:23 · answer #4 · answered by icheeknows 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no way!
how terrifying for your poor children!
YOU just need to tell them the truth. Tell them that their daddy did some bad things and is on drugs. Because of his actions he is being punshied, that means he went to jail.
Your kids need to understand what's good and bad. DONT take your sweet innoscent children to a jail! Their father didnt care enough them NOT TO DO DRUGS and provide for them.
STAY AWAY from that terrible situation!
2006-08-30 07:14:31 · answer #5 · answered by Surf n' Snow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not wait until he gets out of jail, If he wants to see his children let him make the first move. That way it will not look to your children that you are keeping them from their dad. Let them write letters to him to keep the lines of communication open. If however, he writes anything derogatory about you then it should stop.
2006-08-30 13:34:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your doing great by escaping all that bs and trying to get something better for yourself and your kids. don't take those kids to the prison, they deserve better than that. they didn't do anything wrong, so why punish them w/ that crap. you seem like you know the right things to do. when push comes to shove, most of us do when we look deep enough inside. trust your instincts and make the right calls for your kids. when they are well adjusted adults someday you'll know you had a lot to do w/ it.
2006-08-30 07:21:20 · answer #7 · answered by mcslain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation ... but my stepkids are in a similar situation (dad used to be in jail; he's away from them now) so I asked my oldest son. He agrees with Miss Lucky ....explain situation to them, but don't expose them to it until they are old enough to deal with it well emotionally
2006-08-30 07:21:34 · answer #8 · answered by LoneWolf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say dont take them unless they ask you too, but if everything is fine in their lives right now you dont need to mess it up.
2006-08-30 07:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by Joyann R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure, i mean, he is their father. better to know him, then to spend the rest of their life wondering who and where he is....or worse, finding out he's in jail.
2006-08-30 07:21:13 · answer #10 · answered by beachgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋