We have been married for 8 years and we have a four year old and I am 5 months pregnant. I caught him in a whole bunch of lies and found out he has been seeing an 18 year old girl who just graduated high school. My husband and I are 26 years old. He is just being so cold hearted to me and cannot give me a reason for it. I am not overweight and we have getting along great and having sex at least 5 times a week. How do I act or respond to this? I am still in love with him and I cannot imagine my life without him. I am so angry with him at the same time. I want to rip his head off but at the same time, this is my husband. He has been my one and my only. How do I have a baby by myself? My heart is broken
2006-08-30 07:01:17 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This also happened to me when I was 4 months pregnant. I called and left him a thousand messages on his phone. I called him every name I could think of. The messages continued after delivery. Now, 16 months later he has been awarded temporary custody of my son. He had only met our son 4 times before being awarded temporary custody. He has not paid a dime in child support. Why did he win temp. custody? He played those messages that I left to the Judge. Those messages from almost 2 years ago were used as evidence that I was emotionally unstable. LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!
2006-08-30 07:09:45 · answer #1 · answered by dana barlow 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear this. You deserve better. He probably isn't mature enough to appreciate what he's got and didn't grow up enough to find himself before he got married and had his first child with you. this is most likely his way of trying to satisfy that part of himself that didn't get to chase around and is now trapped in a responsible relationship where he has no room to roam.
If he does say that he still loves you then there is still hope. It is a large hurt and a lot to get over but it can be done. I know people who have suffered through these types of things and it actually brought them closer.
Hopefully he does feel some remorse for making such a terrible mistake and making you feel so bad at this crucial time.
It may be best for you to talk to an attorney and get going on a legal seperation and talk to someone about divorce councelling if it comes to that.
Hopefully he'll want to stay together and make you some real promises, but keep an eye on him and let him know that it will take a lot for you forgive him. His kids should mean something to him, and if they don't then perhaps you are better off with a better man anyway.
It will be hard, but one way or another you will find a way, after all you're a Mom, and they are incredible:)))
Stay strong and keep taking care of yourself, stress is hard on the body and you have a full load to handle with out this crap. Put the pressure on him to fix things, and if he doesn't respond then start the papers.
He may already be kicked out, but if he isn't he's lucky!
Think of a better future and don't put the blame on yourself. He's not honest and made a big mistake. Make sure he is going to try and change and you may have to as well. If he has something to tell you try and make him caugh it up....now is not the time to be messing around. He should have figured that out before you two were this far down the road.\
Good Luck, hope you and the kids stay healthy.
Things do get better.
2006-08-30 07:18:12 · answer #2 · answered by rooster2381 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would be better off having the baby by yourself. Why would you want to have an immature boy around? He choose the 18 year old girl over you and the baby. Don't feel as if you won't find someone else that is better for you because there are millions of fish in the sea. Keep this in mind - Once a cheater always a cheater. If you stay with him this will end up happening again and then your baby will be older and end up with divorced parents. It is better to get it over with now. Start your baby's life on a good note with you as they main parent, not with a cheating, lying, immature parent that will cause arguments and heart ache for you all later on. Don't settle, you deserve to be treated like a queen while you are pregnant not walked on, thrown out and second important. Your heart is broken now, imagine how your child will feel going through all this when daddy ruins your family life later on with another 18 year old girl. Put your heart back together and get out now. Have a great life, not a depressed one. Good luck.
2006-08-30 07:18:46 · answer #3 · answered by mia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jesus you are not dead. Why do women feel that they need to have a man in order to function? I too was left by my husband of 12 years to a 18 year old girl. More power to him I said. I have more self esteem and I am very self confident that I did survive on my own with 2 kids. Would you rather live in a relationship that is full of lies and deceit then be happy with your kids somewhere else? This man shows you no respect nor does he care anything for your marriage or your children. If he did he would of never done any of this to you. Wake up and move on. Rely on your family and friends, they will help you.
My ex husband and I have a great relationship now, we have been divorced for 4 years now. He has since married the 18 year old ( who use to be my babysitter ) and I am very very happy with my man of 2 years.
It might not seem easy now but you and your children will be better off for it in the Long run. Take the bull by the horns. Show him who is in charge!
2006-08-30 07:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, do not act on impulse. Because you are pregnant and your physical and mental health has bearing on the child and the situation also has bearing on your 4 year old you have to keep in mind that it is your duty to keep yourself healthy both in mind and body. Go to a lawyer to have clarity on how best you should handle yourself if things go for the worse, responsibilities have to be met and your husband will not be able to dodge them if you manage yourself knowingly. Have a calm conversation with your husband, by your note you would like to patch things up but remember Humpty Dumpy, all the King's horses and all...... if you're marriage is over, it's just over. If you're marriage can be saved it's a two way effort, not just yours. Effort and will has come from both, and you should think well because we all have defects so you should also think on yours also, not just his. If things just can not be mended, then a clean surgical cut is much desirable than a ripped open wound. You are going through a very difficult time, but think in perspective..... it's not the end of the world and you still have your whole life ahead of you and your're children. A counselor would be good to have to manage your emotional pain. Good luck.
2006-08-30 07:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by Alex S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will keep you in my thoughts, because this is a difficult situation no matter how you look at it. It is hard to love and not be loved, but it would be worse if you continued to love someone who does not love you. If there is no hope and it does not work out for you, think of it as a blessing as odd as it may seem. Does it mean that you have to really put in overtime and struggle as a single mother? Of course it does. But the pain and deceit he has caused you would not be an issue if you both went separate ways. No one should be in a relationship where they are constantly worried that they are being lied to. Let him go without disrespecting or blaming yourself. You are a strong woman and you can pull through anything. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Seek the love and support of your friends and family to help through the pregnancy. Try to let the anger you feel for him go the day he officially walks out that door. By all means, try not to blame the baby who has not come into this world yet. He'll get what's coming to him. It's called Karma. Focus on you and your children and let Karma take care of the rest. Take care of yourself.
2006-08-30 07:31:10 · answer #6 · answered by TC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly,
THE ONLY REASON MEN OR ANYONE "CHEATS" IS BECAUSE THEY ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW MESSED UP THEY ARE!
with someone new he can be whoever it is he want's to be, maybe it's a single guy with no kids or responsiblity that can hang out, go to clubs and things like that...
It's not YOU, there's NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, it's him!
at 26, having an official "family" two kids and wife he might be too much for him unfortunately he should have thought about that but he didn't.
YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN are the truth in his life and this 18 year old is the fantasy and I will bet my life that it will not workout for him with her because what he doesn't realize is this:
1. the only thing about him that she's into is the fact that he's married and they have probably been sneaking around and that is exciting for a young girl that hasn't lived enough yet to find out how horrible it really is to do.
2. the minute he's free and with her all the time and she has to wash his dirty shorts, cook meals help him with his real life functions, i give it two weeks to a month of them living together...
The only reason he's being cold is because deep down he know's he wrong and the only way to deal with guilt is to turn on the I don't Care **** You attitude.
HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH, KEEP BREATHING, LET HIM GO AND WISH HIM THE BEST WITH A SLY GRIN ON YOUR FACE...
because you know his life is only gonna get worse!
2006-08-30 07:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by princesstheruler 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is like a little boy with a new toy! Don't worry about what he is doing now, you worry about yourself and your babies. Keep dressing nice and looking your best, once he gets past his infatuation with this girl he will realize his mistake in leaving you. The real important question is... will you still want him back after he has been with this girl! Why do I think this will happen?, well because I made the same MISTAKE in my past. Wife was pregnant, had a young son, this girl was younger than me, pretty much the same. BUT you will be glad to know that once the infatuation was over we didn't have much in common. Make a long story short, my wife forgave me and we have been happy since. I have never cheated on her since. A MISTAKE is when we do something because we don't know better, BUT if we learn from them we can never do the same MISTAKE TWICE!
2006-08-30 10:11:12 · answer #8 · answered by Archangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to consider this a blessing in disguise. As the years roll on, what other things do you think he is capable of doing. Obviously, he is a liar and a cheat. He may and he may not change. It will all be up to him. But if he is leaving you now, accept it and move on. You are stronger than you think. It will hurt for a long time but through patience and much prayer, you will get over him.
Leaving his family is showing a lot about his character. Think about it, do you want a man like this around your children who lies and cheats? Not setting a very good example is it. You seem to be a very loving wife. You are young and you will be able to find someone who appreciates you and love your children.
2006-08-30 07:13:36 · answer #9 · answered by WANDERER 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband chooses to dump on you after all this than move on and worry about your four year old and the baby you're carrying. Remember to take on as little stress as possible as stress causes complications with pregnancies and can cause your baby to cry alot. sleep little and be unhappy from the emotions and hormones you provide for your baby in the womb. Get counseling and take it day by day. A best friend can help you with the delivery and care of the baby as good as the father. I had my best friend in the delivery room and helped me for the first 6 months while the father was out doing drugs. I wouldn't change it for anything.
2006-08-30 07:30:20 · answer #10 · answered by tdm1175 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋