I want an outside opinion. Okay so my b/f and I are planning on moving in together this April, when my lease is up. But my mom says she does not think that I should live with him before we are married, she said that statistically people who live together before marriage don’t work out. But anyways, I’m so torn as to what to do. I’m very close with my mom and I don’t want to disappoint her. But on the other hand, I love him and I want to live with him, for one thing to stop the constant commute(we live 2 hours apart), but also so we can be the great couple that we are. My mom says that it is totally up to me and can only be my decision and she won’t be mad at me or hate me or anything. But I'm so confused as to what I should do. Should I live with him or get my own apartment down where he lives?
2006-08-30 06:34:27 · 28 answers · asked by JeWelz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, we have already discussed marriage and he got me a 1/4 karat diamond promise ring. We plan on getting married next September. But he just needs a little more time to buy the actual engagement ring he wants to get me.
2006-08-30 06:57:30 · update #1
I think that if you're serious about getting married , you should definately consider living together. Yeah, its true that it's wrong to live together before you're married, but I'm in the middle of a big divorce, and I think that if I would have lived with my hubby before we got married, we would have never done it. That's not really a bad thing if it doesn't work out, it just means that you can go on about your business, there are no children involved and you don't have any ties to eachother. It's better to know now then find out after your married. Trust me!
2006-08-30 06:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Definitely.
Living with your boyfriend without being married is *not* immoral or unethical- don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is the sensible, correct thing to do.
It would be foolish not to live together for a while before marrying. It is far better to discover any incompatibilities as roommates than after your have made what is supposed to be a lifelong committment. Also, dating someone and living with someone are much different things. This often comes as a surprize to couples who think they know each other completely.
Over half of marriages end in divorce. If you love your boyfriend, why marry at all? It doesn't help anything. Marriage, as an institution, does not serve the interests of the couple.
2006-08-30 06:41:34 · answer #2 · answered by kurtrisser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont move in with him until you have a REAL engagement ring. Promise rings mean nothing. Your mom is like all mothers, my mom says the same thing "dont move in with a guy before marriage" The reason they say this is because what happens is that you end up "playing house." Meaning why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. Why should he marry you if you already live with him and act like a wife already. Guys tend to not want to get married until the woman tells them they will break up if they dont get married. So trust your mother, make her happy. At least tell your BF that you will not move in with him until you get a real engagement ring. Why did he waste money on a promise ring if he claims he is saving for a real ring? That makes NO sense!
You did not mention how many years you two have been together already? Anyway I would say either wait to be married or get a real ring before you live with him. The two of you can get your own apartments closer to each other without having to move in together. Try that first. Live closer and see how it goes. You dont want a man to be used to having you around so he ends up not wanting to make it official.
2006-08-30 07:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most Definately live together first. You will learn so much about each other. Realistically, you dont even know a person until you live with them. I heard the stat was that people who live together first then get married actually have a lower divorce rate. My hubby and I lived together for 5 years before getting married, the first couple years were like a roller coaster, we had to get accostommed to each others' little quirks. And being that we werent married made it seem less like we were staying together out of "obligation" in our marriage. Now we have been happily married for 4 years and I sure am glad we worked out all the little issies before we tied the knot, no one needs that kind of stress in a new marriage. Maybe get engaged and plan the date 2-3 years from now to help ease the blow on your mom.
2006-08-30 06:46:20 · answer #4 · answered by SureYnot 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, in my opinion everyone should live together before marriage but some people feel that you get so used to the person that when you get married there is nothing new and exciting. I disagree, i find that even though I lived with my boyfriend first, we have been married 2 years and I still find interesting things with him and about him. Its up to both of you to keep the relationship new and exciting. I also know that when we did live together we fought alot cause you get used to little quirks and what not.....but that just made us a stronger couple and also taught us how to relate to one another in the same environment. Good luck to you.
2006-08-30 06:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I moved in with my boyfriend 4 years ago and we got married last year. I say yes, you should. You learn more about a person by living with them than you do just visiting or even staying over for the night. Live with him first, see how it works out, and go from there. My mother felt the same way and frowned on couples moving in that weren't married. Ultimately, you have to live with him, not them. If you can live together as boyfriend and girlfriend, you should have no problem adjusting as a married couple.
2006-08-30 06:53:25 · answer #6 · answered by TC 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is only a decision you and you alone can make. My first marriage, I lived with my parents until the day I was married. It did not work out. I now am on #2 and we lived together for 2 years before we got married and we are happy as happy can be. I know you don't want to disappoint your mom, but I think it is best to get to know someone really well before you leap into marriage.........and trust me, you don't know someone until you live with them.......Good luck and just tell your mom to trust your judgment
2006-08-30 06:40:28 · answer #7 · answered by dixiegirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is right - it's totally up to you. Just make sure that you and your b/f are on the same page regarding the relationship, commitment and marriage. Have you talked about getting married? If you see moving in together as a pre-cursor to marriage, and he simply sees it as a convenience thing - you will be sorely disappointed. Make sure he's as committed to this relationship as you are. Otherwise, if it feels right to you - do it; you're moving anyway. If it doesn't work out, you can get your own aparment then.
2006-08-30 06:50:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately....your mom has to let you live your own life. With todays culture where marriages are so flip and people are quick to divorce....living together will give you a better understanding of what marriage is really about and help you decide if you're both ready to get married. Explain it to your mom like that and maybe she'll understand. Would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive....marriage is for life.
2006-08-30 06:42:39 · answer #9 · answered by Tony 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course go ahead and move in now, before you get married.
I definantly believe in doing this because the divorce rate is so high. If you live with someone first then you find out about all their little habbits and decide weither you can live with it or not. Its better to find out now if he leaves clothes all over the floor or food on his dishes when he puts them in the sink.
Maybe everything will work out great, but you two may decide that you cant stand living togeather and its better to find that out now than a year after your married and end up filing for divorce.
Right now you have nothing to loose in doing so.
2006-08-30 06:41:18 · answer #10 · answered by bree30 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋