should I feel guilty? my daughter moved in with me with her 3 month old baby and?

Question

I bought alot of groceries and gave her money and now I have bills to pay and really don't make that much money but always have taken care of myself , like hair and nails and I am getting a check to pay my bills, and want to get my hair done but feel quilty, she will say oh you can do your hair but we are starving? what should I do

Answer 1

I don't know about feeling guilty, but you do probably need to do some re-budgeting as well as some direct communication with your daughter.

First off, you haven't said, so we don't know why your daughter has moved in with you, but if she is not working, then and you are, then I hope to heaven she has become completely responsible for the house. Once children make the decision to move out and have children, moving back home and freeloading should not be an option.

If neither of you is working, then she should be. At least for awhile, you could provide day care for the grandchild so that your daughter can work, but if you set this up, then your daughter also has to contribute to the household budget - this is HER child and SHE is the one who should be paying for all the food and clothing and diapers needed there, as well as for her own food and her share of the utilities plus something toward rent or mortgage.

You can see that any option requires the daughter to shoulder some responsibility for the budget. If she does, then you probably will be able to continue to have your "extras" for yourself.

Now then, that being said, if you insist on paying all the bills for your daughter (or she does and you cave to her) then you are going to have to re-vamp your budget and then the "extras" do have to go. Hair and nails don't ever get priority on food and utilities. Hair and nails come WAAAAY down on the list.

So sit down with your daughter and work out a budget, complete with a serious and mature contribution from her.

Answer 2

Sit your daugther down and explain the following:

1. She had the opportunities in her life to become self suffiecient before having children. She failed to do that.
2. She has the ability to find a baby sitter and get a job. Obviously she's not doing that.
3. All the life choices and decisions that brought her to this point has been made by her.
4. You have worked all your life and supported her until she became an adult or at least until she acted like one and decided to move out and have kids prior to being an adult.
5. You are working now.
6. The house is yours and you pay all the utlities and buy all the groceries.
7. She owns nothing in the house and doesn't pay any bills.

THEREFORE, you can spend money they you want to and if she has a problem with that and suggest that she starts looking for job and another place to live. If she continues to complain, tell her that you will be expecting her to pay rent and 1/2 the utilities. If she doesn't do that and still complains then start removing the 'luxury things' such as the TV, stereos, etc. and put them into your bedroom and put a lock on the door. While you may feel the need to provide a roof and meals, you certainly don't have to make it easy on someone who isn't trying to improve their life.

I feel too many parents 'baby this kids' way to long and the kids never understand responsiblity nor the consequences of decisions they make or actions that take. THen once they get in the spot your girl in is, the expect the parents to do what they've always done.. bail them out.

Stop bailing.. the ship won't sink... she'll figure it out. Cut the apron strings and move on with your life.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 3

Tell her that you agreed to let her live with you but you never agreed to support her and her child. You have done more than enough by allowing her to have a safe and secure place for her and HER baby to live. Now you need to go on with your daily life and not start bad habits (giving her money). She needs to get a job and or child support and start taking responsibility for her new life. I'm not trying to be mean, I would do the same for all three of my girls if need be, but..... she made these choices and now she needs get up on her feet and take care of business. So pat yourself on the back and go get your hair AND nails done!

Answer 4

If she is old big enough to have a baby then she needs to take care of her responsibilities as well. It's not your responibility to take care of her and plus give her money. She should be grateful that she lives with you. So no, don't feel guilty, I am a single momma and I started work after my 6 weeks. So she can get a job if she wants anything. Good luck.

Answer 5

wait a min... WHo is the mom? You or her... I dont understand,it is obvious that she needs your help. What are moms for? How are you getting a check to pay bills with but you want get your hair done? THis isnt about your daughter.... What if she didnt live with you? Would you go to the nail salon as opposed to paying the light bill?

I read you other questions and quite frankly I think you and your daughter have some issues that you need to pray about and get worked out... this isnt about bills... or hair... it's about you and your baby girl

Answer 6

Have her get a job in the evening while you watch the baby so she can help with the household expenses.

Answer 7

take care of yourself like you always do, you gave her food and some money. she should be happy to receive anything from you.

Answer 8

I think that you need to focus on your daughter and your grand child, not your hair. You need to prioritize here, hair should not be on the top of the list.

Answer 9

tell her to get a job!