How can I tell my wife that her wieght is starting to Bother me?

Question

I really love my wife and would never cheat on her or divorce her for this. But since we have been married she has completely stopped caring about her weight. Before she would work out and eat healty and take care of herself. Now she never does.

I have asked her if she wants to go to the gym, or walk the dogs, go for a bike ride. Nothing seems to work.

The last thing I want to do is make her feel like I don't love her or hurt her feelings. But, it is really starting to bother me. She has gained 85 pounds in the last 2 years and it really grosses me out now. I don't even enjoy sex anymore. Its not that I don't love her, or would leave her over this, but if I can't be attracted to her then I will trade her happiness for my own. And right now I am miserable.

Answer 1

I think that you should try and tell her that you are concerned about her health and the strain that she is putting on her body with this added weight. Any way that you tell her is going to hurt her feelings and more than likely cause an argument so be prepared for that.

Answer 2

Wow, 85 pounds in two years is a lot of weight. Do have any idea what triggered her to gain that much weight , why she stopped taking care of her self in the first place. Maybe depression or a newborn got this started. Try to motivate her don't just ask her to go to the gym, walk the dogs or ride a bike instead you tell her that you would like her to do all of this things with you. You need to get involved too, that's also not going to make it hard on her or get her thinking that your telling her to do all that because she's overweight. I'm sure she knows she is, and am also sure that she doesn't like it. She just doesn't know how or she might feel as if she's never going to loose that weight. Please get involved in anything you want her to do to help her, that's going to motivate her more because then she wont feel as if she's alone through this.

Answer 3

You sound like a really great guy because I really think you care about your wife and her feelings. You're going to have to sit her down and tell her that you want to talk about something very serious concerning the two of you. Tell her that you are concerned that she has lost interest in herself. Commend her for all the good things she does; keeping the house clean, taking care of children, cooking delicious meals. But tell her that in all of her selflessness, she's sacrificed the girl you married and fell in love with to become a superwoman. And now, you'd like to help her to have more time to spend on herself so that she can feel sexy and desirable again! You've got to know that any woman who has put on that kind of weight is miserable. She probably doesn't even look in the mirror anymore because she's ashamed. Let her know that you will take on some of her responsibilities because you really feel bad that she doesn't have time for the gym anymore. Don't ask her if she wants to walk, just get ready and go around your neighborhood. Take her on a romantic rendezvous to the beach and rent bikes for the day, or skates!! Overload her with love, kindness and attention and once she realizes that she matters again, she will WANT to look better and will work at making some of that extra weight come off.

Answer 4

Time for a heart to heart, maybe with a counsellor. Most of us who maintain a healthy weight are really turned off by obesity. You are no different than anyone else. But you had better say something soon, because if she put on 85 pounds in two years, thats ~40 per years, or more than 3 per month --- she's getting big really fast, honey, and will be a real tank in no time. You have a right to be upset. Often times people do that when they wish to distance their spouse -- you'll need to get some professional help to find out why.... Good luck, sweetie....

Answer 5

You should be able to communicate to your wife exactly what you've written in your question. Yes, it's a touchy subject... But if the two of you love and trust each other, even touchy subjects can, and should, be breached, if it involves the well-being of the couple. I encourage you to talk to your wife in a tactful, but direct, manner. It can't be that she doesn't see what happened to her body - 85 lbs is a lot. Find out how you can help. Is she suffering from depression? Is she under some sort of stress? As a woman, I can tell you that I did not take offense when my fiancé said we should exercise more; I have a bathroom scale, and I know that I have gained 10 lbs in the last year, which is quite a lot for me. I really don't like to exercise - and I asked him to help me get motivated; lately we've been taking fencing and aerobics classes together. Please, please have an honest talk with your wife - if you can't be direct with her, there are more problems to be fixed in your marriage than just her weight.

Answer 6

I don't think you love her like you say you do or it wouldn't matter. You say you don't enjoy sex? It's not about you. If you love her, you should be trying to please her, not yourself. And you say she grosses you out. How could you say that about a person you love. My wife went from 125lbs to 210lbs. Not once did I complain or feel any different towards her. I wanted to make love to her just as much as before. Eventually she lost the weight but I never would have said anything. Even when she asked I told her that it didn't matter what she looked like becuase I loved her, for her heart and mind and for giving me a son.

You really need to think about how you really feel. Its seems you are only thinking of yourself. What would happen is she was disfigured in an accident or something. How would you feel then.

Answer 7

First of all you sound a like a great man who cares about her feelings and that's a good thing because most women are really sensitive about their weight. You shouldn't trade your happiness if there is something that can be done about the situation. The truth hurt sometimes but in this case you should tell her the truth, but in a way that it doesn't sound to bad. For instance, tell her that it's unhealthy and it's scaring you. If she cares than she should make an effort.

Answer 8

The way you expressed yourself was very kind. To think of her feelings while supressing yours is very admirable. Do you have kids, if so, maybe she is just tired. If you don't have kids, maybe she is suffering from some sort of depression. Has anything stressful occured in ya'lls life in the last 2 years? Could be a combination of alot of things. Does she work? Does she sit in front of the Tv watching soap operas or movies etc.? Does she have friends or is she lonely? There could be a lot of reasons why she has decided to not care about her physical appearance. Gaining 85 lbs. is alot, if not due to childbirth, if she continues she could develope health problems if the weight continues to be put on. Perhaps thats what you could talk to her about. Diabetes, my sister in law developed, not good.

Answer 9

That is a hard one for you. You already asked her to go to the gym or walking(i hope you meant together). That is a very sore subject for a woman believe me. You have to be very careful with this. Maybe you can talk to a friend of her and see if they can do something together. If you have some weight on you maybe you two can make it a game and see who losing the most weight or who reaches their goal and have a reward at the end for the winner(you need to let her win) Just be patient with this because i am sure she knows she needs to lose the weight but it will take some time.

Good Luck!!

Answer 10

Ohhh touchy subject...Regardless of how you present this problem to her, you are going to hurt her feelings. Once you realize that (and it's not an easy pill to swallo) then you can talk to her about it. It sounds like you are genuine and I commend you for sticking to your vows, most men would be divorced or cheating by now. Since you love her, use that as your motive to talk to her about her weight. I don't know how old you both are, or if you are planning to have children or what not, but let her know you are concerned for her health! Diabetes is VERY common in overweight people, along with high blood pressure, if she continues down this path, things could end up very bumpy in her health down the road. While talking to her assure her that you love her, and you are concerned for her health because you don't want anything to happen to her, you want to spend many more years together. It sounds like you've tried with asking her about the gym, walking the dog and such - I don't know what her lack of motivation is. Most overweight people feel that it's too late to lose the weight and be where they used to be - and that drops them further and further in the bucket, they gain more weight and it just gets worse. While talking to her about this offer to get her a personal trainer...i would do research on the trainer first or go to someone who is recommended by a friend or someone you know. Most clubs don't require a lot of knowledge for their trainers and they have NO clue what they are doing...look at their certifications as well as their experience. The more experience and certs they have, the more motivating they will be to her and they can regimate a plan specifically for her and what her goals are, they will provide a nutrition program for her as well, setting out meal plans telling her what to eat and such. Good luck, she is VERY lucky to have a husband as loving as you are, and i hope she realizes this and doesn't take it too hard. presentation is everything, a girl NEVER likes to hear negative things about herself, so remember her self esteem is probably at a low right now, and she needs positive to go along with the conversation.

Answer 11

You sound like a very loving caring husband and you should be really concerned. 85 pounds its a lot of weight and your wife should go to the doctor about this. Its really a health issues since the extra weight could be caused by depression or even other dseases. You should be honest with her , tell her you are worried about her health. Maybe look at old pictures with her and tell her you loved the way she looked on certain outfit. Whatever you do please remind her that you love her over and over.