I really care for him but the chemisrty is gone. I don't feel the same it's like my heart is pulling me in another direction. I want to live on my own woth my two boys. He 's their dad and he'll get to see them but as for me I don't want him anynore. We've been together for eight years and they were difficult ones for me. I can't take it anymore I feel like I'm suffocating. I need to get out but I don't want to hurt him. He scares me because he's always saying that he can't live without me or he's nothing with out me. He's worrying me because he acts if his life is over without me. Trust me I wish that I was making this up but I'm not. I could never forgive myself if somthing happend to my kids dad. All I want is to be happy but with him I am not. Need advice please, have a heart no harsh remarks please. Thanks.
2006-08-30 05:23:24 · 14 answers · asked by friend 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I so understand ur difficult,emotionally draining & confusing predicament_I'm living it with my boyfriend of 5yrs.Its not going to be easy,but I feel ur suffocation.I think the best way to do it is to gradually introduce him to ur thoughts.tell him that ur relationship has come to such a stage that its stagnant,there's no novelty,no pleasure of discovery with each other,that the kids could be u 2 togethers,but suggest being friends apart for a while to see how it works out.Do let me know how things worked out..I'm sincerely interested,since u know my plight as well.u know how to get my mail add.
Good luck all the same..it wont be easy,but I understand ur need to break free...
2006-08-30 05:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trinity,
I could have written the same question three years ago...It will not be easy...but you must ask him for a temporary separation...that will give him the time to get used to being apart. If you feel like this then you must do it. For you as well as your boys, if you are unhappy then they will feel it. I left for many reasons but the main one was because I didn't want my kids to think that marriage should be unhappy. I was separated for a few months and we tried to reconcile, but it didn't work and that really helped my ex to see that we were better off apart. I have since gotten a divorce, and my ex and I are the greatest of friends. We both see the kids whenever we please and they are doing great...I would say, better actually, because there is no tension between us anymore. Good luck in whatever you do.
2006-08-30 05:32:33 · answer #2 · answered by Carrie H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At first try to find out the reasons of your un happiness coz its been eight long yrs of your marriage and its not a short duration and u got two kids too.Try to speak to him about your issues and give him time to explain too.After that even if problem still persists then try to make him understand that it would be good if u end this relationship. It seems that you both love eath other and the only problem i think is having some misunderstandings between you.So try to resolve them before taking any decision.ALL THE BEST.
2006-08-30 05:40:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is it about him and your relationship that has changed? Every relationship goes through tough times. There are times when you can't stand each other. If you have kids together you should have commited to the long haul. That you will work through everything TOGETHER. I believe the only thing that should break a family up is infidelity or abuse (physical or mental). If that is not the case in this relationship maybe couples counseling is what you need to get the spice back in your relationship.
2006-08-30 05:29:40 · answer #4 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that sucks.
tell him you need a little time apart to start with...who knows, the chemistry might come back. You don't want to have a bad relationship and that is understandable b/c of the kids. Let him know you are not shutting him out of your life, but you just need a little space to breathe. Maybe he can go stay w/ a friend for a month or so and then come back and talk about how things are going.
Some people do better dating than living together (I am one of those).
Good luck.
2006-08-30 05:29:45 · answer #5 · answered by Niffer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be true to yourself and him. But also prepare in case he goes "wacko" on you. When you are ready to move out make sure you have assistance from family or friends so that you are not alone and vulnerable.
Have a honest discussion with him that for whatever reasons it is time for you to move on. You are only responsible for your own behavior. If in the worse case he should do something to himself this WILL NOT BE YOUR FAULT.
Perhaps it would be good to see a couples counselor as part of this prepping him for you to leave. Maybe there are issues that could be worked out. Even if not - this will help you and him end this relationship in a responsible and respectful and safe way.
Good luck to you. Remember - "to thine own self be true".
2006-08-30 05:29:59 · answer #6 · answered by yonica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried counselling? If you feel like your heart isn't there anymore, you need to sit him and down and tell him that you don't belong together anymore. Don't let him guilt trip you into staying by using the kids against you or saying he can't live without you. He will move on eventually and if you don't love him anymore, then you should let him and find someone you can love and someone who will love him also.
Good luck!
2006-08-30 05:28:10 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to assume counseling has not worked.
face it, there is no way you can do this without pain and resentment creeping into the mix.
You need to ask the Big Question: "Am I better off with him or whithout him?"
That answer determines your next course of action.
2006-08-30 05:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you prbly cant do it without hurting him. It sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do. As long as he still gets to see the kids on a normal basis then its ok. But the courts will decide who gets the kids.
2006-08-30 05:27:26 · answer #9 · answered by rogdogg187 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it slowly, and possibly go to counseling. Have talks with him to tell him how and why it is not working....get along for the kids, but follow your heart. He will be okay if you handle this the right way.....
2006-08-30 05:27:22 · answer #10 · answered by Fee4Lyfe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋