Ladies Only AGAIN!!! LOL?

Question

Ok this kinda goes along with my last question, if your man was a stay at home dad, always had a meal waiting when you got home, wasnt always so good at cleaning the house, took good care of the kids, had a closer relationship with the kids than you IE they came to dad when something was wrong(heck my oldest daughter CALLED me to help when SHE GOT HER PERIOD), was always willing to drop whatever he was going at the time if the mood struck you, told you he loved you everyday, BUT had made his mistakes IE cheated and had a hard time keeping a job AND THEN found out at the AGE OF 31 that he had ADHD and that all the problems in the relationship were due to something he DIDNT know was wrong would you have given him another chance if it was found out within a couple months of the relationship ending?

Answer 1

Sweetie I'm afraid that's a tough one. Because cheating CAN be just a one time mistake, in fact for some it's a huge wake-up call. But more often than not, it leads to more cheating. She might be afraid you're in the latter category. She might be tired of status quoe, honey. What are her complaints? Fix them and talk to her. IOW, if she's complaining about being the sole bread-winner, get and keep a job. If it's a trust issue b/c of the cheating, that's something you have to work on with her.

But would I give the relationship another chance? Well, honestly, it depends on how sick of it I was when I decided to end the relationship. But I don't give up easily. In order to divorce my husband, we'd have to get pretty far down there, and we've been through hell already. Talk to her. Ask her what you can do. It honestly might just be too late, unfortunately.

Answer 2

First off cheating has nothing do with ADHD, it has to do with the fact that you can't be faithful because there is something missing. If it hadn't been for the cheating factor I probably would give this man another chance because with ADHD it does make life hard. You can't focus and concentrate on one thing and that can lead to not being able to hold a job or other things of that nature. I think that the cheating is the biggest issue of all. Once a man cheats on a woman that is something that we don't forget for a long time. Believe me I am one of those women. There are men as well that can't forget either but for the most part we as women are like elephants we never forget.

Answer 3

Are we speaking from personal experience?

I really don't see anything wrong with being a Stay @ Home Dad or if its a Stay @ Home Mom (that is what I am).. there are times that the house isn't always tidy, but I am always available to my family for whatever is needed.

With that said .. cheating is a different subject and when that is done - you have lost trust. Its up to the individual if they would want to forgive that person, or that relationship. Regarding unable to keep a job - how much is it effecting the relationship? How much is it effecting the way we live? Just because you have ADHD, you can go on meds, there are ways to control it.. Hell I live next to a soldier who has ADHD but he is able to maintain it, he is able to keep a very stressful job and get it done.

No one can really give you a answer to this question - there is to many what ifs.. plus we are not those two individuals that are involved in that relationship.

I hope it all works out in the end.

Hugs Mel (Loving Memory of My Son, My Angel, Zachary)

Don't judge my comment to the dedication of my son like this idiot ->
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoZzyqw61dXPF1.ZDFJbEsDsy6IX?qid=20060829033342AAIaG9w

Answer 4

Wow, all that sounds good. Even if you had a hard time keeping a job but when you were not working you kept the house running and I didn't have to do anything but come home and relax. I would have a problem with the kids being closer to you than me. Well, if I really loved you and find out that you had ADHD and that would explain some of your behavior but it doesn't explain the cheating. If I really wanted you, I would probably take you back with some conditions. And if you did not adhere to the conditions, you will be out.

Answer 5

First, is it a necessity for you to be a stay home dad or do you just not want to work?? Why did you have an affair? What is or was your relationship before the affair? I think if a man and woman truly love each other, their is nothing light that should tear them apart. An affair is the ONE thing that is a true reason even in the eyes of God. Now, if you want to try and save that marriage, get on meds, off the couch and prove to her you deserve another chance. If you are not willing to go more than 1/2 way, then you just need to go. You need to make sure for yourself, her and the kids that affair did not leave you with ummm lets just say something clorox cant take care of. If the marriage was strong before the incident...think of the words "on bended knee" and if you think you are too good for that, she is better off w/out you. She holds all the cards here because of the infidelity. My word to her would be consider carefully. We are told to forgive but in every story there are 3 sides, yours, hers, and the truth.... If there is true love there, on both sides, like I said get on meds, get a job and be humble!! GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 6

I wouldn't give him another chance. If he cheated on me and he couldn't hold a job... no. Don't get me wrong it'snot all about money, but my 17 year old sister has held a job for over 2 years now, so anyone can. ADHD or not, it is possible. If it was just the job thing, I might give him another chance, but the whole cheating thing is where I draw the line. If my husband ever cheated on me, for any reason... no. I would never accept him back. Sorry, buddy I think you messed up. If she takes you back, you are very lucky and you better worship the ground she walks on (and get a job).

Answer 7

My father had an illness the doctors didn't find for 10 years. It affected his brain and made life for my mother miserable. She left him several times but came back to work things out after they put him on medication. They stayed married until he died in 96. I believe if she truly loved you she should give you a second chance. People don't change but if this was a medical reason, change is not only possible but probable! She might be gun shy and since a few months have gone by she may have started a new life and is not in a hurry to jump back into the fire.

Answer 8

Like my answer to your last question, I would love it if my husband stayed home, and you wanting to make that commitment should show that you are also committed to the relationship, however do not use ADHD as an excuse. This is just my perspective and most likely the perspective of all grown women. You are a grown man and as a grown man you are responsible for you actions. All ADHD is is that the person afflicted with this can't keep his attention for very long. No excuse.

Answer 9

well the adhd wasn't the reason you cheated, don't make excuses for things that went wrong, talk about it with your wife and tell her it was an honest mistake, you are doing all the things that women usually do only difference is that women get little to NO credit for doing it just because it is what is expected of us, so don't expect to get a medal or something for doing what you should be doing anyhow as a parent and...being a dad, feel good about your children trusting you and coming to you, don't throw that up in her face, you made a mistake and now you have to pay for the consequences of that mistake, get counseling!

Answer 10

Not so simple. Sometimes we women just can't handle some things anymore. My husband had an affair and we worked thru that, but other issues are harder to deal with , i.e., control, disorganization (unintentional), anger, criticism, sleep patterns.... Maybe there are just personal differences that drove her away and the cheating was just what tipped the balance, or gave her the "ticket". I'm still working on it and probably always will be, so Yes, I guess I'd probably give him another chance. Depends on his heart and intentions, and how sorry he was.