Why after 8 years together does he suddenly need porn?

Question

There is no one I can talk to but something happened recnetly that tore my world apart.
My partner and I were planning a trip , looked some info we hadabout the place we were visiting, to check for some hotels(a place close to our hearts and special to us )
In the middle of it which was in my partners bike tank bag, I discovered 4 hard core and amateur type sex DVD's, not soft porn. It was like a slap in the face and although we are ok, I cant stop analysing it when I'm alone and its tearing me apart.
He cut them straight up and said he didnt need them - I said he shouldnt if he wanted them I could accept that he wanted to watch them sometimes, and although I wouldnt really like it - I would deal with it.

He said a guy was giving them away here he was working last year, and he took a few as they were on offer as he was curious- can I believe him or did he seek them out!
I am 8 years older than him, and now doubt my appeal - I am also not a prude re sex so why did he need porn

Answer 1

If he's not being funny since breaking the dvds chillout. have a look at some porn yourself... Maybe he got them because everyone else in his work was buying them and he didn't want to lose face? It's possible. That said, anything that makes you review your sexuality is a good thing. Have you made love since finding them? Maybe this is just the first time in 8 years you've found his porn... talk to him. You'll be right. Good luck.

Answer 2

I don't think a lot of people understand porn for what it is. It's an addiction that doesn't necessarily reflect on the partner. Once guys see porn, it's like a photo in their mind-they can't get rid of it and it takes some serious determination and understanding of it to quit. I just don't think that most guys see it as an addiction, and some ladies don't either-they think it's harmless and normal for men to get involved in this. It isn't harmless-it's as destructive as anything-did you know that Ted Bundy became a serial killer because he first picked up a Playboy in a junkyard at age 13 or 14? His addiction escalated into murder. Don't take this lightly, and set your boundaries high. Mostly, don't be afraid to lose him. If he loves you and cares, he will seek help. If he doesn't look for help, the porn will tear you apart anyway. Demand that it be dealt with, and think enough of yourself to not take a place next to this evil stuff. Stand tall-remember, if you're afraid to lose him, he will sense that you are desperate and will put up w/ it. This will help both of you in the end.

Answer 3

Men like to see porn ... if only because there's likely to be something on there that they don't get to see in their own lives - lesbians, shemales, orgies or whatever.

Maybe you should talk about it with your man and watch some together so you can eventually try some of the things out - bondage, fetishes, even a 3some or some swinging if you feel confident enough

Answer 4

He probably has been into a bit of porn since you have known him but hides it as he rightly thinks it would upset you.
I think you should accept it or better still ask if you can watch it with him, it might feel better if you can do it together and it would probably turn him on more. I also think there is less chance of him being unfaithful to you if he gets his release from watching this. However it seems that you think that by watching this he is being unfaithful. Think about it, good luck.

Answer 5

I felt the same way when I found my fiance going through my ex's bag that I was going to throw away. He said he wasnt looking at them, But i caught him cause I had the tapes rewinded and they were in the middle. He denied it so I threw him out and he stayed out side with the dog till he admitted to it. He admitted to it the next morning when he got the point I wasnt letting him in. His excuse was to get ideas of different positions. But the magazine just had women in it so how can he get positions from that. But it makes your sex life better in a way.But he knows now not to even look at it. Or when a naked women comes out he turns his face. Eventually if he does stop looking it will work out

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I heard of same situation your in from a talk radio show recently. Its nothing to do with you at all really. Host of show said its a way to spice things up, changing routine of sex with partner. She also suggested that both watch together. Then again maybe you should believe him. Just a man point of view for you.

Answer 8

Chile it's not about him needing it, it's just something that all men have. Why they like watching or have a collection I have no idea but you aren't' the first woman to have this problem. H e could just be curious or who knows he's probably trying to learn some new moves. If it's really bothering you then just talk to him and find out his reason.

Answer 9

He may or may not need porn. I once thought I did because I didn't communicate enough with my wife, therefore I wasn't getting sex, therefore I thought I needed porn to satisfy myself. I would definitely ask him a bit more about it. It led me to do other things I shouldn't of done, cyber etc..., but don't obsess about it either, just communicate. Porn can be fun if both are on board.

Answer 10

Try not to take i personally, it is completely normal! My ex had a bit of porn and sometimes I would watch it too! He's never going to meet these people, it just spices things up a bit!