My husband and I have been together for 6 years. When we first got together we partied a lot, and had a lot of fun. I supported the household, while his $ went towards partying. We have since then cleaned up our acts, bought a house, got married, he adopted my daughter, and we have also settled down and become christians, and even joined a church....
The problem is, my husband has all of a sudden decided to go back to smoking pot, and I dont approve of it. I dont want to divorce my husband, I love him very much... He used to be a very wonderful and supportive person, now he is verbally, and mentally abusive, gets somewhat physical at times, and is back to taking drugs.... How can I confront the situation without losing my husband????
PLEASE NO SMART REMARKS, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS VERY SERIOUS TO ME....
THIS SITUATION ALSO AFFECTS MY DAUGHTER AS WELL!!!! (she doesnt know exactly why daddy is acting the way he is, but it is just as hard for her to deal with his abuse!!!)
2006-08-30 03:12:37 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Congratulations on cleaning up your life. You may have already thought about, maybe even done, what I am about to suggest. Is there anyone is your church whom your husband was close to? Someone he looked up to.... You may be a very private person and have difficulty talking with other Christians about this problem. But that is what I recommend. I would ask for prayer in my Sunday School class or other small group. Perhaps your pastor or other male leader, as suggested above, would talk with your husband about this. Certainly, I would ask for prayer from them as well. There is a wonderful book written by Stormie Omartian called The Power of a Praying Wife, which I highly recommend. Will your husband talk about going to counselling? Christian or secular counseling would be of great benefit to both of you. But if he won't go with you and you can afford to, you should go by yourself. You need someone to talk to about this. I don't think you said how old your daughter is. You said he is somewhat physical at times. I hope that doesn't mean that he hurts you or your daughter. If so, you NEED TO GET OUT of that house. Please, whatever you do, DON'T allow yourself or your daughter to be physically abused. Staying in an abusive relationship is not good, for you or your daughter. Unfortunately, there is no simple answer. I am sure that you have tried talking to your husband about this situation. Has he shared with you the reasons why he has suddenly decided to revert back to his old ways? That is a good starting point - to try to work through this situation. Everyone deserves to be happy and to be loved......but you do not deserve to be abused.....either verbally or mentally, and definitely not physically. I hope to hear more from you and will be praying for you and your family. cab_ragg
2006-08-30 08:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by cab_ragg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Ruby,
You need to seriously consider asking him to see a counselor together. It sounds like there are underlying issues that your husband struggles with which may not be apparent, and / or he has some feelings which he's not revealing or refusing to deal with.
There could be issues with maturity, too, where he was enjoying the lifestyle he was in - the party mentality doesn't lend itself to supportive, caring families. You engaged in it with him for several years, and may not have noticed that this was not a lifestyle choice for him, but the way he is. If so, the transition into counseling and a cleaner life might be very difficult. He also might feel left out if you and your daughter are very close, and so has withdrawn and is depressed.
Counseling is the best thing, I think, if for no other reason than to get him to open up.
-j.
2006-08-30 03:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by classical123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, wow. What a tough situation. You definitely want to think about your daughter first here. Just b/c he's nice when he's sober does not make up for the fact that he's abusive when he's not. And emotional abuse is often the worse. If he won't clean up his act, it might be time for some tough love. Have you thought about moving out? Or making him move out? Telling him he can come back when he has proof that he's clean? Because the truth is honey, you can't make him stop. Only he can do that. I have an alcoholic mother and it's gotten really bad over the years and I can tell you there is nothing I can do for her except watch and pray. They have to want sobriety for themselves. In the meantime, you have to give yourself permission to say, "I don't have to sit around and take this, I don't have to let my daughter grow up this way." You have that right. It'd be one thing if he was quiet about his drug habit, but he's not--he's abusive. Please don't put you and your daughter in jeopardy. It's not worth it, honey.
2006-08-30 03:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time to scare the crap out of him.. doesnt mean u have to divorce him, but its time to pack ur bags and go.. he needs to clean up his act and he's not going to do that untill he's made to realize how serious u are about this.. right now ur enabling him to act this way, so untill u let him know this will not be tolerated he will keep on doing it.. and although u love him very much.. u'll find out just how much he loves u and ur daughter if u leave.. if he loves u, he'll get help and change his ways, if not, then he wont care if u go, and u and ur child deserve a man that cares and will love u and walk the straight and narrow, he needs to grow up and stop actting like a child .. his life of partying and doing what he's doing ended the moment u brought another life into the picture.. its one thing to have fun, its another to let it get out of control like he's doing..
2006-08-30 03:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for 30 years i have been going through the same thing. you can't change a person if they don't want to change. you cant have a good marriage if he is not on the same level as you. of course it affects the child, so if for nothing else get the child out of the situation. the two of you can work on the relationship if you still chooses to. but believe me you will always have this problem because he likes to be high, and to him there is no substitute. he only stops for you at times it's not what he really wants to do, so he will always do drugs until he is dead. get out before it is too late.
2006-08-30 03:20:48 · answer #5 · answered by shaglemongirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel in a non-judgmental way. Explain that you love him, but are not interested in this type of lifestyle. Explore why he has reverted to this behaviour. Maybe he is going through something that needs to be worked out.
You cannot let your unhappiness fester, you must talk about the situation in order to begin to resolve it.
Good luck!
2006-08-30 03:18:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly pray for him
Sit now with him, calmly
ask him why his behavior has changed and can you talk about it.
stay rational and at peace. maybe whilst your daughter is out playing. Understand what this is all about
2006-08-30 03:19:42 · answer #7 · answered by Nimbus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Compromise tell him 1 once a week he can burn it down. And if not u and ur daughter r gone
2006-08-30 03:17:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds more like a pill head than a pot head.
tdo (temporary detainment order) him to a drug/alcohol abuse shelter/hospital so he will understand what he's getting ready to loose.
2006-08-30 03:24:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down n talk to him nicely.......if dat dont work let him know is either ur way or de highway
Goodluck on both!!
2006-08-30 03:22:21 · answer #10 · answered by Miss-Kenya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋