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can you manage possessive people

2006-08-30 02:58:15 · 9 answers · asked by Marsha B 2 in Social Science Psychology

9 answers

Everyone responds differently to the prolonged relational abuse you're describing -- the victim's personality/temperament has a lot to do with it.

A general principle in abnormal psychological development is that the victim often becomes a victimizer when they grow up, due to the survival mechanisms they developed in order to defend themselves while a victim.

Sometimes they victimize others in the same way the original abuser did (such as with boys who have been sexually abused -- they are much more liable to abuse kids themselves when grown).

Sometimes they act in the OPPOSITE manner of the original abuser. For example, a child who is constantly criticized by a parent and "talked over" and has his opinion ignored might choose to excessively withdraw from people in order to avoid the abuse.

Unfortunately, when they grow up, since they've become the opposite of their abuser, they will end up not interacting with their kids at all and thus not giving them the valuable input, structure, and guidance kids need from their parents -- creating dysfunctional kids in turn.

So they have to unlearn the defense mechanisms that helped them to survive, in order to become healthy and not abuse others.

Possessiveness results in two basic extremes in the victim, I think:

(1) Extreme independence, self-reliance, alienation, inability to recognize real love, fearing any signs of "belonging," and wanting to maintain autonomy

(2) Extreme vulnerability to emotional manipulation by others, inability to say "no" to anything, giving in an unhealthy way to other people without a sense of personal boundaries, unreasonable terror of being alone and/or belonging, extreme dependency.

There are different degrees of this, but I think these are the two basic "categories."

A #2 person is emotionally needy, so they can in fact be possessive of others if they are no longer being victimized themselves and are in an authority role of some sort (such as a needy mom possessing her daughter, to fill the "hole" in herself).

With possessive people, you need to draw firm boundaries. Decide what you will do, what you won't do, and when you will say "no," and then stick to it no matter how they emotionally threaten you. Don't be mean to them, but be firm.

It's a control issue, so any control you give them in your relationship will not help them to get over the behavior. You have to maintain your independence, while still being willing to interact when they are behaving maturely.

If it's a dating relationship and the possessiveness does not stop, you likely need to cut it off and not have contact with that person, no matter how they beg or try to control.

The exact response will depend on the type of relationship (family, romantic, friends), but in all cases you would need to establish clear boundaries in the relationship and be firm about respecting them.

2006-08-30 04:40:24 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0 0

No, I don't believe victims of overbearing people become possessive themselves .Overbearing people usually only get away with that when the person is passive to some degree .
Yes, you can manage possessive people . Be firm and hold your ground .Your demeanor will command respect when you politely let it be known exactly what it is you will and will not agree to. Once the agressive person realizes the "victim" does have a mind of her/his own-they look for a new victim. Whatever you do , don't argue with these type of people . It won't get you respect and it could just egg them on .

2006-08-30 03:11:21 · answer #2 · answered by missmayzie 7 · 0 0

I think that sometimes those around us can change us in negative ways. My first husband was jealous and possessive and had always been that way. I was never possessive of anyone; however, after a few years of living with someone who treated me in that way I noticed that I was becoming jealous of him and behaving just as he did. We eventually divorced and I honestly did not like myself at that time.

Now many years later, I have been married over 20 years to a man who has never been possessive or jealous towards me nor I to him. I found myself again once I got the negative person out of my life.

So can you manage possessive people? I don't think they can be "managed," they have to change from within.

2006-08-30 03:10:20 · answer #3 · answered by Kate 3 · 0 0

Oh, i think anyone who wants to be involved with a possessive and overbearing person has to be willing to play with fire.
I dont believe a victim would display the same behaviour, but i'm sure it is possible. i also think its up to the possessive person to manage themselves, it can turn normal people into monsters, but i think they need support like evryone else.

2006-08-30 03:07:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I believe victims of such people end up being resentful, terrified, insecure, and codependent unless they're strong enough to get out of the relationship early on!

2006-08-30 03:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by clarity 7 · 0 0

Nothing like the powers of persuasion...I do believe that a person in that kind of invironment can be persuaded to be that way, too...
Possessivenass is the root of all evil...

2006-08-30 03:09:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

They may become possesive, but the first answer is usually submision, they become submissive persons, but in time if to much is to much..they might get even.

2006-08-30 03:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by angelina 1 · 0 0

sometimes..it is like the kid who is bullied at home becomes the bully at school......however ....sometimes those who are weakened and submissive stay that way in all situations.....so I guess it depends

2006-08-30 03:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by abc 2 · 0 0

i think they can

2006-08-30 03:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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