Ok, I've been engaged for about a week & a half; My beautiful fiance & I have been dating since last december (2005) & have set our wedding date for this december (2006)-i know that is quick, but we're sure. Well, I'm sure about us, he & I, but my own insecurities about myself are really starting to get to me (and I know they must be bugging the heck out of him too). I'm constantly trying to get reassurance that he's marrying me because he picked me, not because he's settling for me. He always says yes, & promises, & reminds me of the wonderful engagement ring which is a reminder of his promise. I know this - but for some reason, I always feel like I'm not good enough for him. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough, and that he'll realize it...Is this normal? Does anyone else feel like they are blessed with a wonderful, loving, caring hubby/wife/fiance & fear that one day he will realize that they could do better than you? We've discussed it & he reassures me but I can't shake it...help!
2006-08-30 02:51:51 · 31 answers · asked by coldwind_kate 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need therapy. You are going to drive him away if you continue this behavior.
2006-08-30 02:53:34 · answer #1 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, you are not ready to be married yet. Perhaps in another year, but you need the time.
Going into this with your eyes open is wise, but those eyes have to see what's in front of you clearly and not through a veil of insecurity. You have to know in your heart that you are good enough and worth it enough to hold this man, or you will always wonder when you are going to blow it somehow and when he is going to leave you. AND you can create this outcome if you are not careful. Talk to a councilor for a few months first and then decide to get hitched. He will still be there if he really loves you. Sounds to me like he does and will understand the delay.
Good luck dear.
2006-08-30 03:03:23 · answer #2 · answered by j g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that he loves you. He asked YOU to marry him. Marriage is a very serious relationship. I would not like to think that someone would just "settle" for someone, especially this day and age. The more you need reassurance the more the chances are for you to one day push him away and you won't have a happy marriage. Take a step back and think. Tell yourself that you are no better than him and he is no better than you. Together you are great! Believe in him and believe in yourself. Only then will your marriage be a successful one.
2006-08-30 02:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by ROSS K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear..i think u are geting the wedding jitters... u are insecure cos u are moving to your new phase in life.. the thought of commiting to another person is too stressful for u .. u dun have to worry so much... let nature run its course... and also.. your fiance is really patience and he knows u are facing a crisis.. so i think he will be true to u ... so dun think of the worse.. look forward to the wonderful future... u are the new age women... (touch wood) if in the event if u two split.. i am sure u can still stand on your own 2 feet... (but this will never happenf or u aregoing to try very hard rite... ) so gal... u go for it and dun think so much.. orelse.. it will really going to ruin everything for u .... congrats and happy always...
2006-08-30 02:56:15 · answer #4 · answered by veramira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may be your intuition telling you that this is not the right thing for you. You need to listen to yourself b/c if you fight it you will just cause yourself more pain. Just b/c he looks perfect does not mean he is perfect for you. There is a reason for everything that happens to us and you may not see it at this moment but later on you will understand. The most important thing here is to trust yourself and not do this b/c it's the thing to do and everyone expects this of you. That is not the answer-it only causes misery for yourself. If you still feel you are not sure b/c of emotion then I suggest contacting a medium. They are great for guiding you in the correct direction. http://www.felixleelerma.com/index.html
Check out this web site, Felix is a very compassionate person and will not tell you what you want to hear but what is true.
2006-08-30 03:08:48 · answer #5 · answered by Leighbucks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is that you love him but not yourself. You need to build up your self confidence because without that, relationships are very hard to handle. I was this way with my wife too when we first got married and I realized that I needed to do something about it. Just by chance I came across this wonderful free self confidence course (I didn't buy the CD) which actually really really helped me. Here's the link, I suggest that you open a new email account so that you can give them the new email account address and that way even if they spam you (which they didn't really) you can just copy paste the course (its not that long) into Word as it comes in your email and work at it at your own pace. Here's the link;
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/
2006-08-30 02:57:01 · answer #6 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well..If he is the one who picked you , then why worries. And one thin gyou need to understand that nobody is perfect in this world an dnobody will get a 100% perfect partner. The whole relation is based on how much you both loves each other , caring each other and can adjust each other. you both can get a better partner, but that is not the way you should think .... love him, care him make him feel that you are the one for him....
all the best for ur marriage....
and wish you a happy married life in advance.....
2006-08-30 03:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by menon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a normal thing. I have been married two years and my husband asked me if I still love him this morning. He is insecure because he is older than me and he thinks he stole my life from me. I am 20 and he is 39. We got married two months after I turned 18. It is normal. don't worry much. Have a great wedding, honeymoon, and life. I hope you get everything you want and more out of life. Good luck with all.
2006-08-30 02:57:20 · answer #8 · answered by gin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it's great that you've realized that this IS a problem now.. and this could be a problem later. i don't know your future husband but i do know that eventually he could tire of your insecurities and the constant reassurance that you need. my question is why do you feel your not worthy of having such a wonderful guy??? well what ever it is i'm sure it is totally unfounded. he picked you, he loves you and he's wants to spend the rest of his life with you...that should be enough reassurance to show you how precious you are to him.
enjoy yourself, your future husband and your life....he picked you because he sees how beautiful you are inside and out. whatever is telling you that 'you don't deserve him' needs to be squashed...squash it!!!...and then......squeeze him tight and tell him wow...you picked me!!!...how lucky you are ;-)
good luck and may you have many years of laughter smiles love and happiness in your future marriage!
2006-08-30 03:04:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am insecure too....but i would be thankful for every day that you have this blessing....try taking one day at a time and do not worry or borrow troubles that probably will never happen...just do the best you can...he fell in love with you for a reason...so try to be that person and love him back and be good to him....try to feel reassured that he does love you....but worrying about things that might happen later is not going to help you but make you a nervous wreck....and then you are not happy and content with you or your life either....
2006-08-30 02:58:17 · answer #10 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! my wife went threw the same thing when we got engaged and married. It had to do with her child hood tho. Because her dad was always very negative to her. If hte samething happened to you, this is what you have to understand, He did ask you to marry him, and from the way you brag about him, hes a keeper. You need to really listen tohim and what he has to say when he says thins like I do love you, and I do want to be wit hyou and your the only one for me. I had to do this with my wife also. She had to undesrtand that her childhood and what happened between her and her dad, is not the way I thought about her, I am crazy for my wife, and I try to let her know this everyday.
But I beelive you havea guy in your life now, that loves you for who you are, if he didnt, he wouldnt be marring you
and I can prokmise you that.
2006-08-30 02:56:23 · answer #11 · answered by justwaitingtoleave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋