The shift that i work allows me to stay home during the day then i work in the evening. I love my kids and spend as much time with them as i can but when i have to do some housework i start to feel guilty for not spending time with them. I do talk with them though while i am cleaning. Then in the afternoon i love to watch passions and while i am watching that they are watching a show. I again start to feel guilty. I havent cross stitched or done any crafts in months. when i go onto the computer i feel guilty. Why do i have to feel so guilty if i dont spend every waking moment with my kids? They are 2 1/2 and 6. My 6 year old is back in school in a week. Any comments to ease my mind would be great.
2006-08-30 02:02:28 · 11 answers · asked by trlprkgirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My son paid me a high compliment one day when he told his fiancee that while he was growing up,any time Mom wasn't at work was ME ( meaning him ) time. I was so flattered until I began to think about it and realized his memory was profoundly flawed. I did spend a great deal of time with him being a single parent but I definitely pursued my own interests such as crafts,reading, TV and shopping. I did take him out for US time at least once a week and we watched lots of movies together but he and I did not spend every waking moment together. He only remembers the good times (thank God ) so don't beat yourself up over needing some time for yourself. If your kids are certain of your love and know you will always be there for them, they will be fine and giving yourself a chance to grow and learn new things can only enhance your relationship with them.
2006-09-01 20:17:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard being a mom, isn't it? Especially a single mom. You spend 1/3 asleep, 1/3 @ work, & 1/3 for everything else. So, what to do. I'm a crafter too. I got my kids (boys) involved in crafting too. If I painted, I set them up with water colors or finger paint. If I was doing needlecraft, I'd set them up with plastic canvas, blunt needle & some yarn & let 'em have at it! As far as the housework. Involve them too! A 2 yr old can dust & a 6 yr old can help with the trash & vacuum. Or make a game/race out of it: What can you in 15-30 minutes? A LOT if you hustle! :-) But trust me, THEY don't care about the clean house as much as they want time with you. You have to pick your priorties. You have to work so that's a given. Clean house or do crafts? Hmm-that's a no brainer, I'll choose crafts any day! LOL Lower your housekeeping standards and spend more time with your kids. You'll all be thankful & so will they. Good luck!
2006-08-30 09:15:34 · answer #2 · answered by Renee C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some moms who are trying to be good mothers and spend time with their kids feel guilty when not being with their kids because they have a perfectionist personality and try doing most everything "perfectly". The guilt usually comes from within themselves because they have the idea that less than perfect is unacceptable. However, perfection is not attainable in some areas of life and they need to realize they are probably doing the best job they can as moms and accept the reality that as moms there is no such thing as a "perfect" mom, although it is admirable that they care very much about their kids. Sometimes trying to do things perfectly can actually turn out worse than if they just try to do their best at something and accept their efforts as being the best they could do. If moms don't allow themselves some personally time they can end up "burnt out" and unable to do their best. (which doesn't mean perfection, just their best) Children need to learn that they can not be entertained 24/7 and develop the ability to find positive things to do on their own. A good mom is one who's children know they are loved AND are also teaching their kids independence. If mothers do not prepare their children to eventually be more independent as they grow, they could be taking care of the kids way into their adulthood. Think of it this way, animals care for their "kids" for awhile and they show the "kids" how to take care of themselves. (like birds who teach their young to fly so they can eventually leave the nest.) Being a mom is a great responsiblity, but also take time to enjoy your kids and not just take care of them. I wish you well and hope that maybe something I've said will ease your mind.
2006-08-30 10:14:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi trlprkgirl. Look, I am no expert. But I think you may be starting to talk yourself into another one of those whirlpools of worry you like to get into. My guess is that this guilt about the kids is the warning sign that you feel stressed at much deeper levels. Your kids aren't the problem: its how you are feeling about your own life. Step one is to do an honest reality check. Then you need to make a plan for how you are going to change some things. Look for the good people who can help you. Reorganize the way you do things. Start small, but be consistent. Mark out a clear hour each day to spend just relating to your kids. If you do that, you will all feel better. But put your energy into helping yourself take another step forward on the road to maturity, balance and meaning in your life.
2006-08-30 09:14:15 · answer #4 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no reason to feel guilty. You are showing your kids great examples. You work, yet you still spend time with them. You are also teaching them that your world does not totally revolve around them, which they also need to know. I think it can be a negative thing if a child thinks that a parent is supposed to spend every waking moment paying attention to them. This makes the child very self-involved. You sound like you are doing a very good job. If you keep having issues with guilt, you really need to find someone to talk to. These are personal issues that if not dealt with could affect your parenting down the road.
2006-08-30 09:18:52 · answer #5 · answered by jiminycricket 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don’t know that you should feel guilty about not spending time with the kids whilst you are doing your housework.
Sitting there watching ‘Passions’ though is perhaps a different story.
You have got two precious children there, and you should be trying to spend as much ‘quality time’ with them as possible.
Put the fantasy of TV aside, and go and play with the kids.
They grow up way too quick!!!
2006-08-30 09:05:22 · answer #6 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am Mom of 5 yr old twins and I know what you mean.
I am a stay at home mom and when I do occasionally go out or shopping by myself I feel guilty.
I think that it is important to realize that we are human and need time to do things. You watch Passions, I watch Guiding Light. We need that time for ourselves.
You spend quite a bit of quality time with your kiddos. I can see that. Please try not to feel guilty. I'm sure that your kiddos are well adjusted, happy kiddos.
Try not to be so hard on yourself and congratulate yourself for being a great MOM!
2006-08-30 09:11:26 · answer #7 · answered by Heather 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All moms feel guilty.
You just have to be rational with yourself. If you really spend every waking moment with your kids and they are happy, it won't take away from them that you are cross stitching while they are watching tv or something.
2006-08-30 09:25:31 · answer #8 · answered by lievedebs 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let them help you with the house work they can do simple things to help you and you wont feel so guilty because you will be spending time with them.
2006-08-30 09:12:07 · answer #9 · answered by Carol W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
watch a movie they like with them or play a game they like with them
2006-08-30 09:13:41 · answer #10 · answered by The Ego 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋