Have children, or split up??

Question

If you were married, and 100% did not want children, and your wife 100% did want children, leaving the choice from the wife of- either we have children or split up (but you do want to stay with your wife) what would YOU do?
Keep in mind that BOTH parties are 100% about their decisions on having children.

few points to be made- we did discuss this before marriage and i said maybe in the future, things have happened in the last few years to make me realise i dont want children so i think i'm being fair by telling her the difference in feelings about it now.
Also-dont get me wrong-if she did get pregnant and have a child i would no doubt love it and cherish it-resenting the child isnt the issue,
issue being-we agreed in 5 years to try for a child-but big life changes have happened making me realise i dont want them indefinately, so i'm just being honest by telling her this, but i do think one of your answers is correct-if she agreed with me -i would be happy-she most prob end up resenting me!?!?!?!

Answer 1

Split. Man, having kids doesn't do ANYTHING to help the relationship. It only makes it harder. Much harder. Trust me. And if one didn't want any to begin with, that person would always blame the other when things get tough raising that kid. Like, from birth to age 18.

Answer 2

If your decision is truly 100% against I don't see any room for but one decision - you should take the responsible path and walk away. Having a child is a major responsibility, requiring constant commitment, for more years than most of us realise at the outset, so not to be taken lightly. Having children, which shows the gap between you and your wife's aspirations, is an exponentially greater challenge. Bringing-up a child is full of challenges, periods of great stress as well as great joy throughout - but in my experience worth it.

I don't know how old you are, your background, capabilities, resources etc but I urge you to think very carefully and to discuss your feelings openly with trusted friends, preferably who have had the experience of children, before you decide.

I fear that you may come to regret a decision to walk away from a lady you love.

But if you are truly 100% against the idea of children and your wife is truly 100% committed to the idea of a family then you should be strong for her benefit and walk away. She may get over such an event but, if you stay, she will regret for ever your decision not to be a father.

If you are both young then try to negotiate a period of reflection - because your views may well change (my bet) as you get older.

I feel for you - good luck.

Answer 3

Having children is every womens birth-right, biology pretty much sets us up to WANT a baby of their own. The male is not allowed to say no...he can but it is self-destructive. So in your shoes...and given you SAY you love your wife....you should go to counselling to find out exactly what is holding you back from reproducing.

I will also say this, if you choose to let your wife go,.....limiting yourself in such a way could well mean you have a lonely existence....as actually falling inlove (not just comfortzone person) with a woman who never wants kids, has never had kids and is over the childbearing age so she cant ever change her mind....is EXTREMELY unlikely to happen.

The only other option is to discuss separate households. You stay married, she has as many babies as she wants but you live somewhere else...so you dont get 24/7 children around but still see each other a few times a week. I cant say if she'd be interested.......but she might buy it....who knows?

Answer 4

You need to split. Since you're 100% sure you don't want children, it wouldn't be fair to conceive them and then have resentment towards them (not saying that you would, I've just seen it happen). Having children is a HUGE decision and since you are not in agreement, don't have them. But you're also being unfair with your wife for denying her the children she wants. So why not be a man and let her go so she can find someone who also wants a family.

Answer 5

This is something you should have decided before you got married. Did you not know this before you both married? Marriage is about compromise. Maybe you could have just one child instead of "children". Whatever you decide you took a vow to be together forever, seems to me like you are trying to give up a little to easy. If you can't work it out go to marriage counseling. (Find out why you don't want children, is it really because you don't want them or are you afraid?) Marriage is not a dispensable thing you can just throw away because you disagree on something. Good luck!

Answer 6

Had a friend girl who I went to school with never got pregnant and at age 30 had surgery and they told her 6 months to get pregnant and her husband had a vasectomy She dumped him for someone who could give her children.

If she wants children and you do not then move off the playing field and let some one who does want children and has her interest in common to move in. Either that or love her enough you would say that you do and have children and help her.

Answer 7

If resenting the child isn't the issue then what is? Sounds like a power struggle between 2 people who are behaving like children.
Why doesn't the wife have donor implantation and have her child and then the husband can **** off if he wants to and be a big baby by himself!

Answer 8

well you have no choice, if you're more committed to not having children than you are committed to your wife, you'll have to leave her.

But I think you'd be happy to have a child once it was born and if you truly love your wife, make her happy and give her a child.

Surely you should have discussed this before you got married though, I would have thought whether or not to have children would be a central part in the decision to get married.

Answer 9

If you both do not want the same things in life, especially something as important as a child that needs both parents in it's life to love and want it there in the first place, then I think you should reconsider whom you choose to spend your life with. While you may comprimise and let your wife have the child she wants, is it fair to that child to have a father that does not want him/her.
The decision is easy, there are already enough children in this world with messed up minds because of parents lacking in the skills to raise them.

Answer 10

Split up. I would. I will not have children. I have dated women that begged me to do so. No way!

Richard Gere was married to supermodel Cindy Crawford. They split becuse she wanted children, and he did not.

I finally got people off my back about not having kids by becoming a Buddhist. Unlike Christianity, there is no rule in Buddhism that says you have to have children.