Do you think its ok for gay people to have kids?

Question

Me and my GF are thinking of having a baby i will be the carrier and i will have IVF to have her egg put inside me so it will be both our baby. We have a sperm donor who is a very good male friend of ours and we both will want him to be in our babys life. We plan to tell the child once old enough to understand how he/she was concieved etc. Is this acceptable in this day and age? I feel it is but some of my friends and family dont.

Answer 1

It's between you and your partner. If you two know you can provide a loving and stable home, clothe the child, feed the child, educate the child and be honest with the child, then YES, by all means.

Don't let the religious freaks tell you anything different than what is in your heart.

Only you, your partner and time will ever be able to accurately answer this question.

As far as being acceptable, why does this concern you? Are you worried your child will be teased or made fun of because he/she has two mommies? Well maybe that's an indicator that you two may not be ready to become parents.
But if you're confident that your love and understanding can help your child to grow up strong, happy and accepting of the differences of others, then yes.

As a mother and as a sister lesbian, I can tell you from my own experiences that my son never once has been teased or made fun of because he has two mommies. He hasn't worn this information on his sleeve like a banner, but he also has never hidden it from those who inquire. He's not ashamed of his parents, he knows he's loved and cared for.

Yes, I've caught my son saying something is "gay" or "homo" as a derogitory term and he knows what he's saying as soon as it come out of his mouth, but not usually before. So, he always looks embarased when he does it without thinking. We usually laugh because he knows it's simply a peer thing. He's not incensitive or cruel. He's also not meek or weak. He's definitely a "guys guy" if you know what I mean, but he's also a kind and compassionate person and will defend others who cannot defend themselves.

It's all in how you raise them, period.

Answer 2

Ok, first off, I'm with you, whatever you decide. I think a gay couple has every bit as good a chance at raising a child as a straight couple. Maybe a better chance because perhaps you understand the quality of love more, and take less for granted.

But I do think your scenario is complicated. Her egg, your womb, and a best gay friend. If this is well thought out and really what you want to do, God bless you all, and your new child. I would think however, about uncomplicating it a little. Does the father that you know really need to be a part of this? Or would it simplify your child's life down the road to have an anonymous sperm donor through a sperm bank? Totally your decision, and as I said, I support it, whichever way you decide to go. I'm just thinking about what happens as you drift apart from the dad, if that happens, as so often does with friends. But its all cool.

As for acceptability, there will still be glitches, of course. I think for one thing you have to look for spaces where it will not only be acceptable, but where it will be honored. So find a community of faith where everyone will know, and love your child. Make sure if you send him or her to pre-school, that it's a place where there have been gay parents before, and the teachers won't have any problem saying "Alice has two moms." Good luck and be sure to stop back and leave us a "question" on your child's first birthday!

Answer 3

I'm going to add my vote to the "it's perfectly okay" crowd. However, I do think Nut B and Micheal both brought up good points: are you sure you don't want an anonymous sperm donor instead? If, ultimately, you decide to use your friend as a donor, then I wish you nothing but the best, but do be aware that friends CAN fall out. Also, I would make sure that the neighborhood you choose to live in, and the school you send your child to, is accepting of your family's arrangement.

However, I also think that it is ultimately up to you to decide what is right for you. Don't let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do; don't let the haters detract you. I, for one, would much rather see a happy child in a loving home with gay parents than a miserable child in an abusive home with so-called "normal" parents. These are extremes, of course, but you see what I'm getting at.

Good luck, and may you and your child have a wonderful life together!

Answer 4

By all means, I believe that it is OK. Heterosexuals don't have copyright on families. As long as you give the child UNCONDITIONAL love, what more could any child need. I do, however, differ on opinion about having a donor whom you know. My partner and I were considering at one stage having our 'best' friend as the donor, as everything seemed perfect. 6 Months down the line, we're not talking to the dude, and we thank our stars that we didn't take this very important step with him. We are still looking at expanding our family in the near future, but we have chosen to go to the sperm bank and have an anonymous donor instead. To those idiots so concerned about how your kid's gonna be teased etc at school - if you look back at the situation 20 or even 10 years ago, you can not even compare it to how much more homosexuality is accepted in this day & age. Being gay/lesbian simply is not taboo anymore. Well, maybe to a few bigots and homophobes, but not the general society. Best of luck to you and your partner.

Answer 5

As long as you and your GF can give the child a loving home, and the fact that you still want the male donor to be a part of the childs life, I find that wonderful.

As long as the child is in a loving home, and is cared for, it shouldn't matter what others think. the family should be happy to have a grandchild or nephew/niece in the family. Your and your partner is the ones who has to answer all the hard questions that will be asked and if your ready to answer that, then the child will not face anything harder than what the kids face normally now.

Answer 6

I'm cool with loving gay couples starting families and all. BUT something tells me that if you're looking for acceptance on "Yahoo Questions" then you may (MAY) be a bit immature yet to have a child. It's tough enough to raise a kid the "old-fashioned" way...you need to be mentally ready to take (and shield your kid from) all the homophobes and cruel people out there. It will be hard, especially seeing how you apparently have little support from friends or family. I would say don't be in a rush, make sure you and your girlfriend are going to be together for the long run.
Good luck, though, whatever you choose.

Answer 7

The child will have three parents, three selfish parents, current science can only create the illusion that the child belongs to the two women but it would really be your partner and the sperm doners' child, his / her genetic traits would come from them . It might be a little better for the child if she would carry her child herself. Your sexual orientation shouldn't prevent you from starting a family; but nature has other ideas, a sperm and a sperm cannot fuse to create life, two eggs cannot fuse to create life, the opposite sex has to get involved on some level to create life (therein lies the hypocrisy of such a family) ie until scientists further mess with creation and can control cells and chromosomes etc to make this possible. What happens if your union doesn't work?, gay parents can be just as dysfunctional as with straight parents, who gets the child in a custody battle (all involved have a fair chance, the biological mother, father and the birth mother, the last two have the most rights).This situation suits the adults in the equation best, do you have three parents, this child could be in trouble if things go wrong between them.

Answer 8

I believe it's completely acceptable. At the end of the day, I don't see how it's any different from being brought up by a single parent. Arguably there is the view that the kid would get bullied at school for having two dads or whatever, but I'm sure that could be overcome through decent education.

Answer 9

Where do you live? I think this is a big part of how the child will be accepted. My partner and I are moving so that when we have children they will go to a school where there are other same-sex parents.
Best of luck!

Answer 10

Either your family will come around once they hold Lil Tizzy Jr. in their arms or they are a$$holes and it is not your problem.

I think your plan sounds great. I wish you and your new family the best of luck. Raise your child in love and hope and pray that it rubs off on the rest of your family.