My self respect or love towards a wife who does nt care a bit of hubby.which should i choose?

Question

i am 30 doesnt smoke,booze or have affairs.I was staying seperately with my wife.My inlaws are illtreating me with low self esteem and insult me and my parents too on several occassions,even though i am a doctor, my wife too misuses my true love for her and keeps mum on such issues and silently supports her parents by her silence,which only encourages my inlaws and she has left me staying now in her parents house since past 4 months,as i didnt approve of her parents behaviour and attitude towards me, these has been happening since our marriage.we r married since 1 1/2 yrs, though i truely love her, i am not able to come to terms when it comes to my self respect, wat should i do now? desert her? i have 2 good proposals from other suitable alliances, shall i remarry? i have tried to solve the issues by getting elders tof either side together on two occassions but nothing came of it. i have lost hope in everything pls help by sincere advice as i am not able to concentrate on anything..

To add more details for others... i have supported her inspite of her parents not accepting me, (this was an arranged marriage), they have been constantly been insulting me since my engagement which involved some cheap things by inlaws, i wud have broken my engagement then & there,but love was blind and went ahead. NO room for any promiscuity among either of us(i beleive). I am a student doing final yr exam(MD) going now. some instances i wud like to tell here... My inlaws have not welcomed me in their house till now, not even after my marriage from the convention hall after solomnising the marriage, wen my parents cald up them to welcome the newly wedded couple for first time in their house, my inlaws hautily replid" we dont want u" not even once i ws allowed to stay overnight even after insisting on one of my visit soon after. Soon after 1 mnth of marriage, she hd bad health, it was me who lookd after here,none of her parents turned up even aftr informing dem.i have taken care of her

And..., after continous phone calls,they came in a huff & made a hue & cry at casualty among my collegues, they alleged"wat have u done 2 her?didu kill her? knife her?etc,etc" i just plainly pointed to the senior doctor incharge of her, he just opined of gastric trouble, which she got over and taken by her parents straight from the hosp to their house in middle of night against medical observation. She stayed back at her home, never to come back. i waited for a month, i was missing her real badly, so i mustered up and went to her hopuse and met her dad, he plainly refused to send.she is a B.COM graduate works at a firm(for a paltry sum), i had to run around her and finally convinced to get her back to my house( remember..only 2 of us stay,not my parents,they r very far off 350 kms away).After that,even i was more hurt by de attitude of my inlaws,i told my wife nt to have any more interference from dem,and it was me & she.Soon after i took here to 2 honey moons at a interval of 6 months

We roamed a lot, saw movies, freaked out, we had ocassional interference from inlaws, whenever i had to visit my parents at festivals, it was hell again, she behaved arrogantly, never loved my parents, who were very caring bcos she is eldest daug-in-law, she always distanced herself,couple of times she gave back a curt reply, on getting close to her.It was hell,hell,hell, All the time i was giving her love, i used to pick & drop her at office, ignoring her attitude. She is not a good cook too,she never wanted to learn,even after my mom volunteering to teach cooking.i eat watever she prepares. On her suggestion,we decided to have baby, and she conceived too,on getting the news to her parents, they cald up my faraway parents and spoke very rudely and hautily,on enquiring about this, she swore on pic of god .they never done a call on that particular day&time.my wife never beleived me on this,and stood by her moms words on this issue.i insistd we get info on this at telcom centre together

And it confirmed ,there was indeed a call from her moms house at the time and day she verbally abused and vent her anger. My mom was taken aback by their uncivilized behaviour on phone. Many a time i gathered some elders on either side and tried to resolve issues at her house, my pa-in-law was very arrogant and picked a knife from kitchen at his house and even tried to kill my dad in presence of all elders. Now all the elders opine, "it no use to advice her parents,so u both live without inlaws interference" But it is never so, they always call up her and brainwash my wife. they want only her and not me. But i am surprised, they never turn up when her health gives way, only me ALONE AT HOME is the one who looks afters her. I insist her not to go to office as she was carrying 4 months ago. but wife never listens. She suffered a abortion,mayb due to travelling a fully loaded city bus daily to office. Again it was me, who took care of her. Even this time, on calling up her parents...

they never came to her aid,only after a lot of calls from her office female collegues to her moms house,only her mom came just for a visit and left hospital within 2-3 hrs, (wife was in hospital for abortion) i stayed back at hospital took care by her bedside, paid up hefty bills,(i am a student still and dont have a regular source of income,i had done some part time job and saved some money).My wife wished to go to her mom's place, inspite of all these, and she left the next day along with her dad, picked her clothes and some important things.Since then she is staying there on, never to come back till nowww... i am missing her a lot.I have been eating outside at hotels,etc & having lot of gastric problems now,I had some pain in chest 2 months ago,my collegues took me to a super-speciality hosp,my ECG showed some changes,i am worried now,
i tried to talk & discuss wit her in these seperated 4 months 3-4 times at a park nearby,she never agrees or listens to me. She only gets up& leaves

Am i right in opting for a seperation, i even requested her for this, when she had no intention of solving the problem...bcos the problem is .......... "MY IN-LAWS". She is not willing to give in.. plsssssssss pls give me a very sincere advice, i am very very miserable.

Well, I waited quite some time and vacated my own house......Recently, i got some nice cards from her on my bday, giving me some hints,,,, and then i took her out for dinner and had a quiet evening and discussed nothing as we did not want to spoil the evening.... Next day, wen i brought up the issue of getting together (we, in india... wife usually stays at hubby's place more ever im yet to finish my higher studies) I just cant run around finding another house for ourselves,cos im in final stages of my studies.She plainly refused to stay at my (parent's) house and swore abusing words at my parents and threatened to take legal action, We in india,as a eldest son..it becomes my duty to look after my aged parents in their old age(this is my duty) If she cant adjust with my parents now and in future.....???? wat do i make of this???? and false allegations and wat else?

Answer 1

Get rid of her...life is too short for that crap.... Do you even NEED another ALLIANCE?? Just cruise through life at your own pace and the best will fall in place. GOOD luck to you:-) Although I do question you honesty...why such bad grammer from someone who holds a doctorate??

Answer 2

Finish your education. Take care of your own health problems by eating right and getting enough rest between classes. Do not try to get in touch with your wife or her family. And when you finish you education and the wife and the inlaws are still finding ways to disrespect you and you family you need to get a good attorney and have him file for divorce. You have many grounds to file for a divorce, one being mental cruelty! You married this woman, you did not marry your inlaws! I don't know anything about your religion and how divorce is looked upon, but I would bet that being dishonored is not something you have to put up with. In todays time you need to look out for yourself and be the best you can be. I feel that she will never break away from her parents. I am sorry for her that she does not realize how truly lucky she is that she has an aspiring husband who loves his wife and family and has bent over backwards to make things right. Hold off on getting remarried for awhile and live life for yourself. Only marry for true love, not because it is the thing to do or because you feel pressured. God will come through for you. Pray for wisdom and patience and I'll say one for you also. Best Wishes to You!!

Answer 3

Terminate the thing
Or are you burning too hard for her?

Do something unexpected towards the *** inlaws and sell them a joke on them somehow.
This is the first step to better feeling toward uself.

sell theire car by add or dig a ditch in their garden and keep them curious and when you had it with the digging say it was the work effort she had to get in you and there and then ditch her.

or just leave.

Your still a young man.

and the beer and the smoke you could have or mist.

But if circumstance give you a chance to dance with Mary Jane its an good idea unless her moves make you hurt.

Answer 4

Man i'm female and i can't believe there is a man would put up with that. You are smart enough to get through med school then be smart and think about it. Would you want your kids(if you were to ever have any) to grow up in that environment. No one knows your problems to a detail even though one hell of a long description, but it is never easy to leave someone you love. If she was a real wife and loved you the way she should, she'd be backing you instead of letting them down you. Think about the long run though really. Move on!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
My self respect or love towards a wife who does nt care a bit of hubby.which should i choose?
i am 30 doesnt smoke,booze or have affairs.I was staying seperately with my wife.My inlaws are illtreating me with low self esteem and insult me and my parents too on several occassions,even though i am a doctor, my wife too misuses my true love for her and keeps mum on such issues and silently...

Answer 6

Hi, although I don't know how to help you, I could tell you jokes to help you feel better. The jokes goes:

-Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
-When did you first notice this problem?
-What problem?

One more joke:

A guy calls his vet and says "What should I do with my cat?Vet says "What do you mean? Guy says "I had a leak in my lawnmowers gas tank and the cat drank the gas. Then the cat began to run around and around the yard, climbed a tree. then fell out of the tree stiff. Vet says "Is the cat dead? Guy replies "nope he ran out of gas.

Last of all just want to tell you that whatever you do, just don't give up. Also you must love and care for the people around you. In that way they will also show you the love that you show to them. Just be yourself and happy everyday. Wish you all the best and good luck!!

Answer 7

It sounds like your wife has little or no respect for you. It sounds like you are from India from the way you stated your case. Indian Customs are different than Western customs as you know. If you do not have the respect and support of your wife, then you do not have a marriage. It sound like your wife and her family, are very disrespectful to you. Depite you love your wife, she does not love you enough to respect you and support you as her husband. In Indian custom this is the wifes duty. You need to tell you wife that if she does not come home and be a good wife, than you will find a suitable replacement. I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

You need to forget about her as she is not worth your time or effort. She doesn't care for you the way you care for her and I don't think you can change that. She sounds awful. Focus on yourself, health, parents and your studies. Are you allowed to divorce from an arranged marriage for these reasons? If so I would kick her to the curb. You don't need the heart or headache. You sound like a decent man and your going to be a DR. so you must be intelligent as well. I am sure that the situation is causing your parents stress as they are probably hurt and also worried about their son. Good Luck to you and cut your losses.

Answer 9

I think u need to go on with your life, she needs to grow up if she wants to keep her husband, a marriage is form by two people and you can not work on it by your self, she needs to make up her mind and decide what is it that she wants, she can have a relationship w her parents (she should) but now she has decided to start a family of her own so you need to talk to her as husband and wife and decide what is going to happen, you have to love your self to be able to love somebody else so if it is causing you a self respect issue i will suggest you let go. I hope everything works out for u and your wife, good luck

Answer 10

you are still young to marry and have a family if u want that, i dont think being in this situation is any good for ur self esteem it wont change u deserve to be with someone that will respect u and love u for u.

you cant keep fightin for something that doesnt wanna be there its a losin situation, its time to move on and start again my friend it will be hard but u will find happiness else where and will be happy that u made the move life is way too short to be in that situation dont worry be happy ....