what should i do?

Question

i cant sleep- because i feel absolutely sick. my bfriend of 2 yrs never initiates sex & when i try to he says hes too tired. he wont talk to me about it- he just gets pissed. & im ill over it . i feel like i must be ugly or something & ive never felt that way about myself before. im pretty sure hes not cheating. i love him but i cant deal w/ this.
i almost feel like having an affair w/ the next hot guy who hits on me because i just want to feel wanted again.& thats something i would never do- what the hell should i do?

Answer 1

These are the facts:

1) Presumably you have had sex with him successfully at least once so we can probably discount erectile trouble and finding you unattractive. Also, in the latter case, he would probably have left you by now were it so.

2) You are pretty sure he's not cheating and, from your question, I believe you are correct. Men who cheat normally do so because they aren't getting (enough) sex at home. If he is actually avoiding sex with you then the chances are he is not seeking it elsewhere.

So having discounted all the above this leaves you with two more likely reasons, both relatively common in men - especially ones who claim tiredness when asked for sex and get angry when challenged on the matter.

1) It's psychological and he has depression. In his own mind he would therefore be punnishing himself by not having sex with you (as people with depression think that the circumstances that caused it are their fault). If it is depression he probably wants you more than ever but no longer thinks he is worthy of you. To find out if this is case (and don't blame yourself for not spotting it sooner if it is, men are very good at hiding this) I woudl suggest you ask around amongst his work/friends et cetera to see if there has been any stress lately. To cure it I'm affraid there is no easy way - you can tell him you love him and you'll always be with him until you are blue in the face but (as with all psychological disorders) logic doesn't come into it. It is very curable (usually by a course of medication and some relaxation) but he'll need to admit he has the probelm first. Get him to talk to someone like a counsellor.

2) It's physical and he has something like sleep apnoea. Were this the case he would be tired all the time, not just when asked for sex. Essentially this is a situation where some blockage of the throat prevents people (usually men) getting enough oxygen while asleep and therefore waking up all the time - essentially for someone with sleep apnoea a hour's sleep only counts for twenty minutes. This can be cured by surgery, pressurised oxygen from a bottle while asleep and various other means - all of which should be available from any half decent sleep clinic - which your familly doctor/GP can recommend.

So get him to confront his problem and that should sort yours. Don't have an affair if you love him - if he has depression the results could be catastrophic. If he WON'T address his problems you might have to threaten to leave him until he does (but this should be last resort not first option).

As to you, he is still with you after two years and believe me you most definitely are wanted - if you weren't he'd have already left. However don't let this situation slide you into depression (as well) . Whatever is wrong with him will be fixable and you will feel loved again.

Answer 2

I know what you mean, and you are absolutely right to feel that way. Well my dear, even though he doesn't like talking about that, I think that you HAVE TO! Ask him what's wrong with that? Does he have any problem, any reason, anything????
Tell him that you are feeling bad about it, and that you think he doesn't like you anymore. Tell him the truth. He has to give you an answer. Maybe he doesn't feel very well, maybe he has some kind of physical problems...
If he keeps going like that, I don't think that this relationship is gonna last...
Better sort this out as soon as possible, cause later on things will become worse.

Best of luck

Answer 3

Stop guessing! A boyfriend who avoids a certain situation...is probably doing the thing you accused him of doing. Don't be afraid, stand up for yourself...you are a very unique woman ,and he doesn't appreciate you... if he's avoiding you.

Even though he says he appreciates you, don't fall for it! Figure this thing out ,and watch out for the charm thing....Guys use it all the time to get you smiling, so that they can stop you from asking again. Even though I'm a christian, I still think it's wrong for someone to be treated that way.

And, don't fall for the ugly and fat thing, even the beautiful Halle Berry's husband was cheating on her, think about it.

Answer 4

Tell him what you just wrote, you don't feel wanted or attractive. You love him but if things don't change you will not be able to deal with it. I wouldn't mention the affair thing though, that will just antagonize him. You will have to decide after you talk it out whats next.

Answer 5

A guy who doesn't want sex?! He's either:

1. Gay
2. Got erectile problems
3. HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

If he's not getting it from you, believe me doll, someone else is giving it up.
Don't you dare start thinking that somethings wrong with you cause somethings wrong with him for not realizing how much you're into him.
Plain and simple (although not easy to do) DUMP THAT LOOSER!

Answer 6

He might have trouble performing or even getting an erection. So he comes up with excuses, or he is cheating.

If you feel like having an affair, just break up with him. If sex is that important your relationship is in more trouble than just sex.

Answer 7

I'd sit him down and ask him what the problem is. Have you told him how you feel? If he won't explain to you what is wrong there is no fixing it. Tell him that you may have to move on because you need to feel good about yourself and if he can't do that you'll have to say goodbye.

Answer 8

i think u shld talk to him bout it...mayb he has prblm wif his erection or s'thing...since u love him than have a talk try to settle the prblm but if he continues to denie i think u can reconsider ur r'ship with him (no offence) coz if u have an affair and he finds out things are gonna get worse....gd luck!!

Answer 9

How old is he......me and my partner are in our 30's and I ask every night......there is either something wrong with him, he is gay or he is cheating.......I know no man that would knock back sex.....every woman is beautiful in there own way...and if he is not going to do it for you....you only have one choice.......find it elsewhere.

Answer 10

u seem to be more interested in sex rather then relation1
but still if u want to have a balance life , then try to find his problem & keep ur relation intact , otherwise then go after ur thought by dumping him ....