Is it True?

Question

Is it true once a cheater always a cheater?? I cheated on a guy i was with for a year but it was when i found out he was gonna be done with me and was sleeping with two other girls. WEll he is gone and im with a wonderful guy and i do my best to be loyal. I hope i always will you think so?? I LOve this ONE

Answer 1

(wolvensense: what a sharp cookie; hope you get paid to write)

Joshy- Don't take to heart nasty gossip and rips that idle mouths spew. Of course people change! People live and learn, that's change. We have second thoughts, we reconsider our values, standards . . . You bet people change. I mean, haven't we all had disappointment as a result of some one 'changing their mind', which caused them to change their course of behavior?

I think if your partner cheated on you, the bond or union between the two of you was broken. I don't believe you can cheat when the relationship has already been violated (by Cheater Number One). I think you felt like you cheated because 1) things were changing so fast you didn't have time to notice it and adjust to it, or 2) you still felt honor for the relationship (which by then was over, really, right?).

Just pay attention to how you live your life, on a one day (or hour, if something's happening) at a time basis. Things aren't so heavy (fear of cheating) if you keep your mind in the present and reel it in when you start projecting 'what if' into your ideas about the future. Don't panic if/when you're tempted by or attracted to another, temptation is only temptation! You control your body, your mind, your intentions. A little effort, at the right moment,will go a long way.

You can guard the health of your relationship by considering how well your needs are being met. Clear and open communication will support this. What can't be met within the relationship will be a source of temptation from outside the relationship. Communicating is the tool for sorting it all out, the end view being joy for each of you.

Good luck, and don't panic.

Answer 2

The actual cliché of "once a cheater, always a cheater" is often misunderstood in our modern times. That is to say that while we use the phrase after-the-fact, meaning after some one has cheated more than once, to indicate why partners were supposed caution themselves against those who'd cheated earlier, the truth is the statement used this way is little more than self-aggrandizing. We use it as a way to say, "I told you so," or "see I was right all along and you were wrong."

Unfortunately, self-centered usage is not only narcissistically an inherent wrong unto itself, but it also seems to have accidentally superceded the actual meaning of the sentence construct.

"Once a cheater always a cheater" does not actually mean that if somebody cheats they are going to cheat again. At least part, if not all, of its original intent was meant to portray that a single act of cheating was a hefty enough burden or "sin" that the person who'd committed the act would carry it around the rest of their lives. It is meant, in a faith-based way, to elevate the particular shame of the act so that the remorse one feels would be on par with murder or rape or thievery. It is to be treated like a black mark that might never be shed, and, except by a higher power, perhaps never forgiven.

We should be no strangers to this sort of logic, even if we disagree. We apply it to other situations without batting an eyelash. For instance, those who suffer from alcoholism in the U.S. and who seek out help; do so through means of support systems and sponsors, if not detox and jail. Notice how they perpetually refer to themselves as "recovering" alcoholics, not recovered alcoholics. This treatment of the condition is meant to portray that it is a condition without end, a vulnerability that never goes away. Some don't even use the word recovering. They simply say, in the present tense, "I am an alcoholic," or "I am a drunk," even if they haven't taken a sip of alcohol for 20 years. Such treatment of the condition simply shows the temptation of imbibing as an ever-present danger, so that they might never forget it.

"Always a cheater" really only means that whatever the consequence, shame, remorse, loss of reputation, loss of marriage, loss of partner, problems with a new partner, loss of child custody, or simple lack of being forgiven...the deed was one that cannot be erased. Unlike any other broken trust, infidelity seems a deed one can only prevent, but never live down.

Americans frequently make the mistake of believing that the post-cheat "shame" about which I speak has something to do with sex or sexuality. They feel I'd chosen these words from a hidden, faith-based initiative. Hence, some, who have no such belief system, would then conclude that if they are okay with cheating, cheating is somehow shameless or okay. They'd have you believe that since they've fewer hang-ups about multiple partnering, there is no shame involved. This is also incorrect.

The shame of which I speak has little or nothing to do with the sex itself. It has to do with the partner whose trust one has broken. The sexual act merely proves that one went as far as s/he could to break that trust; every solitary physical effort that could have been made to spare feelings and relationship was ignored. A promise of fidelity, if even implied, by partners or by society, has no worse breech of contract than cheating. It is as if to promise you'd always take care of a child and then murder the child while s/he slept. The depth of a broken trust is defined in the wording of the trust itself. Promise to make egg salad and the worst way to break the promise would be to purposely make something else. Promise to stop using and the worst thing you can do is use drugs again. The shame is a function of broken trusts and promises, not a function of sex.

So, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" does not mean that if you've done it before you are going to do it again. There is much to be said for a person changes the self for the better. I believe in this highly. Perhaps the presence of a broken trust is the exact impetus that motivates a person to change, for good.

Answer 3

OK, first of all, I LOVE your web page on *360. You're adorable. With that out of the way, let me tell you that it's not necessarily true all the time. And what you did shouldn't be considered cheating, but rather... poetic justice. Compensation, Honey. You did him wrong cause he hurt you. You do not deserve that. So, you called him out on it. That doesn't mean your going to cheat on your new man. It just means that you are strong and shall not be played. We need more of you in our society. You don't let things get to you. You're a fighter, a soldier, in the never ending battle that is gay love. If he's a wonderful guy, and I'm sure he is, then you have nothing to worry about. He loves you and takes care of you, and you know that, so you are going to stay the course. We all know how hard it is to find love in this world. You know from your last experience, and that's why I have faith that you will continue your commitment to your relationship. Best wishes to both of you and may all the gay gods as well as whatever God you may serve, bless you. Kisses, darling!!!!

Answer 4

Nah, it's not true all the time. Some people grow out of it, some people learn better, some people just make horrible mistakes and will never do it again. The crappy part is that no one knows how to trust that person... it's a big risk even if the cheater willy truly NEVER do it again... there's just no way to get a guarantee which makes it, like I said, really risky.

Hopefully this guy trusts you... and you're honest with him... even about the past.

Answer 5

I hope so. I do think people cheat for different reasons. Some cheaters cheat to get that high off of it and constantly look for it like crack. Whereas, other cheaters do it due to circumstances in their realtionship (i.e. bad sex, no attention, etc.).

If you can truly decide why you cheated then you will know for sure whether you will cheat again or not. Based on your info. I say you won't.

Answer 6

Love can change things and people also change. But over all, yes, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Answer 7

couldn't say i have never cheated. But with people i know that are cheaters they have all cheated with every partner they have been with even when they really love the person their with.I don't get it.

Answer 8

Nothing is broken that it cannot be fixed. Nothing is fixed that it cannot change.

You are the one who decides. If it is a general rule that once...always... then you could opt to be the exception that proves this rule.

Good luck with this new guy and remember to work at being with him

Answer 9

yes in some cases, once people get away with cheating they do it more and more.
i would never cheat on anyone, if i felt the need to cheat i would break up with that person. it is such a mean thing to do to cheat on someone

Answer 10

Not always true. A lot depends on how you feel the current relationship is doing, and where you feel it's going. If you love this guy, you'll stay true to him