am supposed to be with T. I love him. He says he loves me. Weve been together for a very long time, but when we moved in together a year ago, all hell started to break loose. then circumstances made it so that i had to move, and he had to wait and move later. so i am here. ive been here almost a month. hes called 2 times after i left messeges for him to call. I cant call him directly...no phone, but he has a phone card for a payphone. now that i am here, i met a guy named D. He wants me to be with him, help him raise his kids, work for him, help me through school, and all that. I saw him this weekend. we had sex...repeatedly. i feel guilty, and i dont know what to do...
should i tell T? who should i choose, T or D?
2006-08-29 20:06:26 · 20 answers · asked by Amanda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It is up to you who you choose. Sounds like you cant really be in love with T if you have cheated on him. But that doesnt mean D is right either. Maybe you should have a break from both for a while to get your head together
2006-08-29 20:09:59 · answer #1 · answered by boo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the relationship with T is over. It's hard to accept, but the signs are there. You need to tell T about your relation with D, but don't mention him by name. Tell T you're sorry, but it feels like the love isn't there any more, so you're going to move on with your life. Wish T well and try to end the relationship on a friendly note.
Also, DON'T be in a big hurry to get together with D. He may want you to be with him. Who doesn't love a free babysitter? The working for him thing may not make you any money. Work for a real boss who'll pay you a fair wage, and use grants or loans for your schooling, that way you won't feel like you owe D anything.
Just be careful not to jump inot anything too quickly. It bothers me D wants you around to help raise his kids. You're not going to be anything but the sitter. You'll have no authority over the kids, and good luck getting them to listen to you. (Been there-hated it!!)
Don't be in a hurry to choose anyone, just live by yourself, for now. Get your life together and get your education so you can get a really good job. Then you won't need to live with someone with 'baggage' from a previous relationship.
Good luck.
2006-08-29 20:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by thatwench 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, if you have this question I believe that none of them is really your destiny, otherwise no questions would arise. That means your feelings are not seriously affected, so the decision should be made based on the matter of your convenience - who of them you feel more comfortable with? protected? have more interesting time together? It sounds as D provides you better with emotions than T (though it could be for the reason of novelty!) so you may choose to stay with him for the timebeing - before you meet someone who makes your heart beat real fast. then there will be no questions. however, if you feel it is not fair to D, then break up with both of them, be a free woman again and look around for a true romance.
2006-08-29 20:15:41 · answer #3 · answered by dieleja1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, moving in with someone is very, very stressful! You have to deal with things that you didn't have to deal with before, which normally means more annoyance. The fact of moving is stressful enough, having to pack, sort, and rearrange.
He may not be calling because he may be busy working, when he has a chance he may be eating or grabbing something to drink or getting gas. As long as he's coming home to you and stays home with you, don't just decide to toss him to the curb!
You did all this moving and work just to go, "Oh well" it takes work and effort.
Talk it over, if it still doesn't work out, try D. And working for your bf or husband is not easy. It's like living together but only magnified 10 fold because it isn't a home setting, if he fusses at you, he could be upset at you as your boss but you take it as he's mad at you. My finance's family owns a business and I help out now and then, and it isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
Good Luck!
2006-08-29 20:14:47 · answer #4 · answered by bridetobebrandie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's your answer if T has only called 2 times then he's just not your guy!!! See what happens with D but as far as i can see i don't think he'll be round for 2 long either.. but you may as well have fun while it lasts!
2006-08-29 20:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by Imogen228 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a decision you have to make yourself. Look past all the hassle it will cause at first and imagine who you want to be with. Are you thinking of staying with T out of a sense of obligation or habit? If you are going to end it with him then this is the perfect time before he moves in with you. Good look deciding hun xx
2006-08-29 20:53:24 · answer #6 · answered by ducky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one else can choose for you, but I think its too soon to be able to make a good decision anyway. Tell T you met someone else but you are not sure and dont close that door. Then get to know D better, but tell him about T aswell.
Be honest about your feelings to both guys, see how they handle it and see where things lead.
2006-08-29 20:17:47 · answer #7 · answered by stoutseun69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks to me like a question only you can answer..but if you choose T, better tell him what happened. He deserves to know the truth. Bottomline, whoever you choose, be fair. You can't start a lasting relationship on wrong foundations.
2006-08-29 20:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by ginger n' spice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
follow your heart
sit down on your own, and THIN K about the futures of both relationships
what does T mean to you, and what does he want/expect from you?
same question for D
try to imagine the relationships in say 5 years time
i know that is a contradiction to "follow you heart"
do what you think is best for you
2006-08-29 20:13:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell T close the chapter and move in with D no need to be guilty its your life and you have to look after yourself first.
2006-08-29 20:09:31 · answer #10 · answered by bash 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋