let's say you didn't tell your fiancee' that you had sex with two girls in your past before you got married. one just 4 months before we got married when she left to think. the other was when we weren't together.
2006-08-29 18:47:24 · 19 answers · asked by onechosen404 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She should handle it as though you not only cheated on her, but you lied to her as well. Just because it was five years ago, won't matter. It's not water under the bridge for her since she has just learned about it. In her frame of mind, it'll be as though it happened only yesterday.
You made the mistake of cheating in the first place, then you made another mistake by covering it up, on top of that you drilled the holes in your coffin by coming clean five years after the fact. It's going to be safe to say there are going to be some serious trust issues.
2006-08-29 18:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you weren't together at the time, then I would say that cheating is not the issue, however if she asked and you lied, that's not something she will easily get over. the fact that you carried on the lie for 5 years is even worse. I have been in that situation and I felt that I was deceived and denied the opportunity to make a decision based on facts. I have always wondered if the truth had come out before we married, would I have even gotten married, or would I have accepted the facts and taken a different path. I cant say either way, all I know for sure is that I was forced to make a life changing decision based only on what I thought we had and that was FAR from the truth. Your wife will need a lot of time to get over this and be able to trust you again. If you love her and you're sorry for lying, you have to be willing to understand her pain, and listen to her when she wants to talk about it. She may even hate you today and love you tomorrow but it will pass if you remain understanding and prove to her that she can trust you again. It wont be easy but in time it can be as good or better than it was before. good luck
2006-08-30 02:09:50 · answer #2 · answered by ncmedicgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't have had to handle it at all. You should have just not said a thing but seeing as you did, well.... It would kind of hurt knowing that my husband had been sexually intimate with another only 4 months prior to my marriage with him, but.... I would appreciate the fact that he was hones with me (just in case we need to test for anything..) The one when you weren't together well there's no reason for any anger there, "we weren't together", is all you need, that's pretty easy to understand. If you are worth forgiving and loving then I'm sure she'll do both.. good luck to you.
2006-08-30 02:39:32 · answer #3 · answered by Nikie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So basically, you cheated on her and you want to tell her that right? Are you saying that you slept with these women while you were still dating your wife? IF you cheated she will never forget it it will cause problems between the two of you, but those are the consequence of your actions! Honesty is the best way to go. She will appreciate that more after she gets over the initial shock of it all.
2006-09-03 01:30:54 · answer #4 · answered by Queen J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why after 5 years would you tell her? Unless you are looking for an excuse to see if she would leave, and you can go play again. If everything is fine, why would you make it unpleasant? Makes no sense. I just don't understand people, that do that. Don't you realize what she doesn't know , wont hurt her! Which also mean less DRAMA!!
2006-08-30 02:56:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before marriage it shouldn't matter, now if it was after you got engaged she should be a little upset. As long as you havent' done anything since. its all in the past, just let it go.
2006-09-03 00:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by legz4evr2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound wishy washy to me. On the one hand, what do you expect her to do? Congratulate you on rubbing your indiscretion in her face? For being "honest" so you can clear your conscience and she can spend the rest of her life with you wondering what you are up to? Doubting your sincerity and her choice in marrying you?
On the other hand, pal, you broke it. You get to pay for it.
Grow up. You f***** up. She did not. Keep your mouth shut and thank whatever deity you believe in that one of those twits hasn't spilled the beans already!
There are times when honesty is the best policy, and then there are times when adults must bear the burden of their actions. The burden is yours, not hers.
2006-08-30 05:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by Nala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, she should handle it any
way she wants.
Why did you find the need to tell
her 5 years into your marriage?
If it happened before you were
tied together, what is the issue
here?
Something does not add up
to me. Sorry.
2006-08-30 02:07:45 · answer #8 · answered by vim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing your wife, how can I possibly tell you how she should handle it? Besides, if it happened before you were married, why even bring it up? It might do more harm to your relationship than good. Just don't do anything like that again while you're married.
2006-08-30 01:53:20 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Look if you guys were together, then it shouldnt matter, because the fact that you guys werent together. In the other handsince you guys were together before the wedding, then she will probably be upset, just tell her you had to have sex one last time before you spend the rest of your life with her. thats understandable to me.
2006-08-30 01:51:22 · answer #10 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋