My spouse is throwing things back on me from the past, using them to play the martyr and the victim.?

Question

He is using this as his excuse to be in control and to play the victim, when in reality I didn't do anything wrong. But, he doesn't want to believe it because then he just Might be wrooongg, which is an impossibilitie to him. What is the perfect comeback to say when he starts his accusations?

Answer 1

Simply don't answer him. He is an attention freak. Only reward good behaviour. Your man is a child treat him as such.

Answer 2

Have you confronted him about this? Are you properly communicating with him? Whatever the case maybe, if he is throwing the past back in your face, it would seem as though there are some definite unresolved issues that possibly, neither of you have dealt with as a couple. It is said to see this happen in relationships, but it happens far to often. One spouse will be upset with another and throw things up that the others spouse's face that should be left in the past, not brought back to surface.
In either case, as mentioned above, I would communicate with him and let him know how this is making you feel, on all levels. Sure, it is making you upset that he is manipulating the situation by playing the victim, but at the same time, depending on your past, you may not want those issues to be brought back up on a constant realm.
Hope that this helps!

Answer 3

Simply say "honey, you aren't fighting fair and if you don't have anything new to gripe about, call me when you are done ranting about this because I've heard it a million times already". And before you walk out of the room, add "you were wrong then and you are wrong now, now get over it so we can move on".

Answer 4

Forgiveness should come standard all marriages. Sadly, it does not. If what you did in the past was so bad, why didn't he divorce you? If it wasn't bad enough to consider divorce, then it should be forgivable. And he should try harder to stop bringing it up. Unless it's pertinent information, and has direct bearing on the conversation at hand, he shouldn't be using it in arguments.

Answer 5

I am sorry to say this, but he is holding guilt in about something. He wants to remember that you did something wrong to justify his actions. When he starts it again..Ask him calmly..Can't we just put the past behind us..or do you have something that is bothering you? You have to learn to let go of somethings dear, to feel some type of trust within me..You don't always have to be right..Anything in that manner that you are feeling at the time..Open up..If you two are fighting..Wait..Both of you cool off first..You have to learn to be calm in these type of situations..

Answer 6

Throw his past back at him. It's not a healthy way to have a disagreement but it could work. I think the past should never be brought up in anger

Answer 7

What's he accusing you of, infidelity, etc..etc.. you know sometimes its a man's defense mechanism. And i doubt that he's serious in accusing you of wrongdoing, because it could be him who's up to something mysterious. Ask him straight what's the fuzz all about.

Answer 8

Sometimes people do use things like that to their advantage. Just shows how once trust is lost it's hard to get back.

Answer 9

looks like he is the one that is doing something wrong since he is throwing things in your face, hes hiding something and throwing it on you, so it will make you feel guilty. hope that made sense

Answer 10

just ignore him he shows a sense of imaturity if two elephants fight its the grass that suffers so dont retaliate he will come to realise how noble ur ar