2006-08-29 17:43:47 · 27 answers · asked by Ahab 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know there's a best way. When my parents divorced, they called my sister and I to my room, both were composed and they had arranged on what to say, and they didn't place blame on the other, just said that they had to live separate ways. Actually, I don't remember the exact wordings.
But what I really am gratefull is that neither of them used us to get to the other, like keeping us from seeing the other, or telling 'your dad's this,' , or 'that... you have for a mother' or any of those things. They always spoke well of the other, and whenever we had a problem with the other, they tried to mend the ways.
We never felt we were the cause of the breakup.
I think you both should try to make a common ground rules on how to behave, be consistent, and tell them and make them know that they can count on you both, and that while it will hurt, you will still see each other.
Try not to fight in front of them, reach an agreement if one parent sets a determined rule (like, no TV if they haven't finished homework) or ground them (they can't do this or do that), the other parent will support that rule. They still will need guidance from you both.
I know that divorces are not easy, and probably there are many things going on between you and your ex, try to be civil, and maybe reach a friendly ground between you two.
Good luck....
2006-08-29 17:51:59 · answer #1 · answered by Roberto 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is not a less painful way. I was told when I was 27 years old that my parents who had been married 28 years were divorcing and it was painful and still is. One thing I would stress is that you don't point fingers or bad mouth the other either before or after the divorce. It will make things worse.
2006-08-30 00:46:36 · answer #2 · answered by rltouhe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you and their mother are having some problems ,you need to think about things a little more clearly. You love them and will be there for them .Tell them you might be getting a divorce and think it is best for now. They had nothing to do with the decision. Because you might decide to to get back together..There is green grass on the other side but there is dirt that can make it turn bad. So leave for the right reason. Good luck Pem
2006-08-30 00:53:43 · answer #3 · answered by Patricia M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing is that you both talk to them together and tell them that you both still love them, and that will never change. It is painful no matter how you cut it, and depending on the ages of the children, they will always hold out hope for reconciliation. Therefore, I think it is best not to send mixed signals and make a clean break. But they need to be reassured of your love for them and that they are in no way responsible for the breakup.
2006-08-30 00:52:05 · answer #4 · answered by Tracey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the age of the child, you have to be honest. If they are really young, you don't have to tell them. They won't understand.
Friends of mine had a 4 and 2 year old and they just said that daddy was going to be living elsewhere but they would have a room there too. They were excited to have two bedrooms.
When it comes to an older child you just have to tell them the truth. Things aren't working out and we think it would be better for all of us if daddy doesn't live here anymore. Just because mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore, we both still really love you and most of all, this is not your fault.
2006-08-30 00:48:04 · answer #5 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't a painless way to tell your children. In divorces, EVERYONE gets hurt. Just be honest with them. Don't totally sugar coat the reasons you are divorcing, unless it is because of something that children wouldn't understand. What works well is telling them that it isn't their fault, that you just fell out of love for one another and are not happy anymore. For the health of all concerned, you have both decided to separate.
I am sorry that you have to deal with this.
2006-08-30 00:48:00 · answer #6 · answered by Twisted Maggie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there have been problems, I'm sure that they're at least aware that this may have been a possibility.
Bring them all together with your wife and sit them down. Tell them together, and assure them that this is something between the two of you and that they are not to blame in the least. Assure them also that both of you will be there for them no matter what and will never stop loving them.
I am so sorry that it has come to this for both of you. I wish all of you the best.
2006-08-30 00:47:37 · answer #7 · answered by zencherry67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be painful for them no matter how you say it--just be direct. Sit them down and explain why you are divorcing. Honesty is the best policy here. Then you must be there for the kids--they are going to have a hard time with it. Good luck.
2006-08-30 01:45:07 · answer #8 · answered by sidnee_marie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's not much of a way. But when you are divorced than you HAVE to make time for them no matter how hard it is when the "Mrs." is there.
2006-08-30 01:01:43 · answer #9 · answered by A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother dragged me out of bed in the middle of night and took me halfway across the country before we shacked up with my grandmother. After we'd been there about 3 months my mom finally said, "You won't see daddy ever again."
That's a good bassis to start with cuz it gives you what to avoid, LOL!
On a more serious note: Sorry things didn't work out, just love them and be there for them and try to make the transition to a new normal as smooth as possible by not getting angry or finger-pointing; that goes for everyone.
2006-08-30 01:01:18 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋