he has been with his girlfriend for 10 years but he told me at the weekend that he has been having gay affairs i love him the same but any help would be grateful
2006-08-29 17:02:02 · 13 answers · asked by lil_ray_o_sunshine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Well If he really feels that he is gay, and is better off with his boyfriend, then I think that you should tell him that he needs to tell his girlfriend whats up....and if she doesn't understand him at all and doesn't want to talk to him anymore,at least he will have a good friend(YOU) that understands him and loves him the way he is.
2006-08-29 17:11:20 · answer #1 · answered by Lauren 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's in a stable long-term relationship with a woman, his gay affairs are most probably just for a change. It's not that he's determined to leave her for a lad because he discovered he's gay after all. He may be bisexual, tho, but it doesn't sound like you want to be a sh*g pad, and it looks like that's exactly what his gay lovers are to him.
I understand he's your best mate and you have deep feelings for him, but I shouldn't want to be with someone who plays away from their long-term lover, whatever sex the lover, as where's the quarantee he won't treat you the same way as he treats his woman now? Who told you he's not going to cope with women if he's with you? Or other men?
But the choice is ultimately yours.
Good luck
UPD awfully sorry, connection was down, i couldn't see your avatar thought you were a lad. Apologies. But from what you say it doesn't seem worthwhile anyways
Sorry again
2006-08-30 03:54:26 · answer #2 · answered by Faith * 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to tell her. He has entered into what for many people is a very addictive and often risky lifestyle. It's one thing risking his own health but downright reckless putting her at risk - and he must care about her if he's been with her this long. If he wants to explore his sexuality in this way, he can't do it in the context of a committed relationship - the two things cancel each other out.
If he tells her, he's allowing her the freedom to decide whether she wants to be sexually involved with someone who has other partners. If she does want that, then she takes on the risk in full knowledge of the possible implications. He doesn't have the right to decide for her by not telling her.
2006-08-30 01:13:05 · answer #3 · answered by Frankie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you would be no friend if you let him continue his affairs. That would eventually end up hurting him more than anything. He needs to choose between his g/f and his affairs. You need to force the issue. You can do it in a kind and being a good friend way, but you may need to start the conversation. Just let him know that you will be there for him whatever path he chooses, but that he does need to choose.
2006-08-30 00:37:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, this is awful. I've just seen the result of this kind of thing and it is devastating to the one who has no idea!
Please tell him to come clean. It's the only fair thing to do. You don't mention if there are children. This is a truly horrifying situation and unless you've seen the aftermath, you can't imagine how devastating it can be.
BTW my friend's husband came clean after nearly 20 years marriage. He couldn't understand why she insisted on a divorce. He claimed to be bi-sexual although they hadn't had sex in two years. The poor kids were traumatised - they never ever discuss it although it is well known throughout the town.
2006-08-30 03:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my best friend told me he was gay and he married a woman then he keped on commiting adultry. now as Elton Johns new song goes he dindnt' cross the bridge but he faded away. He is living with a man in NYC and he is compleatly different.
My advice to you is bring his place of worship into the picture if you can.
2006-08-30 00:12:37 · answer #6 · answered by The Lonely Fatman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can't believe u would stand by and watch as your gals man dogs and not say a thing to her. If i were u i could run so fast to her because u never know, what goes round comes around next time it could be u. Although sometimes it hurts to yup on your buddy it also helps to clear your conscience.
2006-08-30 01:46:48 · answer #7 · answered by sweetkid 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no he has to be fair... if he doesnt want her he has to let go and to face up to his true self. also the risk of s.t.d's. tell him as a friend that you will stand by him whatever he chooses to do but to let his girlfriend go it would crush her world if she finds out from another source.... especially gay affairs
2006-08-30 03:36:13 · answer #8 · answered by xxSHORTYxx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Wow, that's a lot to deal with. I think you have to talk to him about it if you like him. His health is the issue, not his morality. And the health of his partners. He needs not to hide his behavior because if he keeps doing that somebody could get hurt. Talk to him honestly and encourage him to get some counseling on why he is secretive.
2006-08-30 00:08:59 · answer #9 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him to either stop with the affairs or break up with his gf and tell her what has happened.
2006-08-30 00:08:28 · answer #10 · answered by Sammy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋