Some advice?

Question

I do have a problem with my relationship. I am not sure if I do love my wife like a woman or just as a friend. She sheated on me and I do not trust her anymore. Her and I love to have sex (Yes sex no making love). Yes pure sex is great but something is lost and I am not sure why. I am trying to get back together and see if our relationship could work. What should I do!!! please advice.

Ok Here is some details after some comments.

1. I am trying to make it work Dr Who
2. Yes we are right Deana573 (TRUST)
3. Yes I do have a roommate with benefits
4. Not sure about love, I think I love her like a family???
5. YES! she seated on my once and confront her and she promissed me not to do it again. She did it again whith the same guy a month later. Also, she had sex with a few other guys and I found her in a parking lot kissing a guy.
6. Don't know If I am stupid or what. We have been married for 24 years and feel like she will do somethig crazy if I leave.
7. Yes I don't trust her and I am holding my life to keep the family together and kids happy. However, my kids at 20, 18, and 17 and I am doing this for them. Looks like I don't love her like before. We wer happy for many years but she wanted to try something new. Her old friends influence on the sheating part. She doesn't have any friends anymore but you never know.

Answer 1

That's tough. I'm so so sorry to hear that things are going the way they are going. Fact of the matter is, she really screwed up by cheating on you and it took the trust down to zero, or something like it, as if things were starting all over. You're not going to get back to trusting her right away... it'll take time. And maybe with that time you might grow to love her again and things will go back to the way they were before... ok, so that was my optimist answer. Honestly though; I don't tolerate much in the way of people cheating. I think she cheated on you and you should have broke up with her then and there. Why are you with her? Seriously? You don't love her? You don't trust her? She's proven herself to be a lousy partner. Is it becase you're simply comfortable with her? That's my guess. Very common for people to get 'comfortable' with someone else and not want to venture back out into the single life out of fear of regretting not staying with her. Let's think about this though, why not go be single again? Because you'll regret not staying with her? I doubt it. You're going to regret falling in love with her again just to see her crush it all again and again and again. That's what you'll regret. When you're fed up with things and realized you should have left her ten years ago the first time she cheated on you. Good luck on whatever decision you make and should you choose to stay with her, message me next time you post this exact question on answer so I can copy and paste this answer onto it for you.

Update: Ouch. I just read your additional notes. This sounds horrible. Your kids aren't 5 and 6 anymore. They wouldn't be happy ofcourse, but I think they're old enough to handle a divorce which is exactly what you need to do to her lousy ***! Stay together for them? You should divorce for them. What kind of example are you setting for them to be in a loveless marriage where you are both unhappy? Not a good one. Don't spend one more second with her. I hope you wake up tomorrow, go to work, think about things, go home, tell her to sit down with you and then let her know that you're done with her. Afraid that she is going to do something? Not 'entirely' sure what all you mean by that.. I hope it's not too serious. Quite frankly though (and I hate to be so cold here) she is an adult. You should be able to leave her and she should be able to deal with it. You're obligations as a spouse disappeared somewhere between the first guy she cheated on you with and the fifth or sixth guy she cheated on you with. You owe her nothing except a cold shoulder.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. As common as cheating is, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. As far as something missing, that's natural. If you're just having sex, and not making love with each other, you'll always feel unsatisfied, because you don't have that intimate connection anymore once trust is broken.

First of all, you really need to find out if she's going to be committed to you this time, and committed to making this relationship work. You also have to be receptive to her needs, as well, and try to discover what caused her unfaithfulness in the first place. I know that most guys wouldn't hear of it, but you really should look into couples counseling. An obstacle like this is extremely hard to overcome on your own.

Good luck, and best wishes.

Answer 3

You are a good person to be willing to work things out like this. But you are right, there is something missing. The missing item is the trust that she destroyed when she cheated on you. Once trust is gone, it is nearly impossible to rebuild. And once a person cheats, it is easier to cheat the next time.

Since you are not sure whether you love her as a wife or a friend, you may want to consider counseling or at least a separation. I have a feeling that this marriage is one that will not survive. Your wive has dealt it a mortal wound with her selfish behavior.

Answer 4

sheated???..lol. sorry had to get that out first.

Well first you two did make a commitment to each other. Your vows did say for better or for worse. You two need to talk. Let each other know how you feel. Why did you marry her??? For the sex??? If so, you really need to think about what you have gotten yourself into. Marriage isn't a game.

Answer 5

Looks like both of you, or at least you, got married because of sexual attraction. Since you have taken the vow, you should try to make a success of your marriage. Love can be develop if both of you make an effort.
If you do not have children yet, then you must discuss this with your wife and see if she feels the same way about you. If she feels that her love is not just sexual, then you should be fair to her and learn to love her.

Answer 6

I'd start with counselling. I think a lot of times people lose track of what brought them together in the first place. Forgiving a partner for cheating is never easy.

Answer 7

I would strong suggestion you both go to couples counseling. If she is not willing to go, then you go to individual counseling. Marriage is about more than sex or making love. It is about trust and compansionship, honestly and sharing. Sounds like you have a roommate with benefits rather than a wife and marriage.

Answer 8

What exactly are you doing wrong
that causes your wife to seek another man.
It has to be something
And if not who has her attention
It seems the situation is in need of Great prayer
Fight for love so love will not die

Answer 9

Try talking to a counselor first and make sure she knows how you feel. It is always easier to throw in the towel & give up but if you try you can always say you did try.

Answer 10

stop the s e x u need to find what u fall in love with her for at the started,and find each orther all over again