Why do you always regret it when you open yourself to a relationship...?

Question

Why is it that every time you trust someone (ie. a man) and open your soul to a relationship. The first thing the someone does is take advantage and step all over you and treat you like garbage, ignore the children he so obligingly volenteered to create, and run your finances to the depths of hell. Causing you serious depression and wondering why the heck are you still here? Why is this so common an occurance?

Wow! Thank you to those who gave support and hard truth. Especially so quickly... What advice would you give as to what i should do. Should I leave and damn the consequence> or Should a softer idea be entertained?

Answer 1

Ok, I am assuming you are refering to yourself and not really me.
With that said, I have a feeling that you are sending a message that this is acceptable and welcomed behavior for men.

I would consult your doctor about any depression issues.
Retrace your steps from the relationships that have ended up like this so you can see where your cycle starts.
Change the behavior that causes this scenario and break your cycle. Be ready to face some serious demons in the mirror if you want things to really change.

I dont believe this is a representation of all men, it is just the ones that you are attracting. And that makes it your problem unfortunately and not theirs. I wish you the best. Good luck.

Answer 2

Unfortunately because integrity is a value that our society has not placed in the forefront of our youth. I was fortunate to be given this value at a young age. It sculpts who I am and the choices that I make. I am 30, Hispanic, married and divorced, no children and a great job. I date quite a bit but am honest and up front with everyone that I date. See when you look at the world as an opportunity to make it better just by being a better person. Life has meaning. Men like me are far and few in this country and almost nonexistant in my state (California). But above religion, status or wealth, look for integrity. And you will attract it in a mate by living it yourself.

I may be wrong. But I will tell you that I did not listen to that advice. Did not choose my exwife on the grounds of that value and she ended up cheating on me for 3 out of the 5 small months that we were married...
Instill integrity in your children. It's the best thing that my parents did. Maybe the worst thing that the guys you date lack.

Answer 3

There are so many factors at work in a marriage that it is hard to choose just one to blame for all of this. You have obviously chosen the wrong man. He may have seemed like the perfect man early in the relationship, but the way he is treating you now shows his true character.

Why is it so common? I blame my failed marriage on my wanting to be married and have a family. I married at 23. I am not sure I was actually ready for a mature relationship then. We both grew up and grew apart.

Now I am 53. I have been given a wonderful man and hope that someday we may marry. I have learned so much from my journey through life - about myself and about other people. I have finally matured enough to understand the meaning of "true love" and realize how much work it takes to keep a marriage going. I finally feel I am ready to make a life-long commitment.

To answer your question, I think many people are not ready to the work and effort needed to keep a marriage growing. I also believe that people change as they mature and may find that they don't have anything in common as they age.

Answer 4

Many people tend to loose them self when their relationship gets serious, they loose contact with friends, family and stop doing things that they love and at that point they start to look needy. I think their partner starts to take advantage of them (sometimes unknowingly) because they are always available and have always changed their life to suit their partner. This is why it is so important to always keep "you" and not change for anyone. Life will change when you start a family but that doesn't mean you have to, don't give up your hobbies, your lunch dates with the girls or anything else you love. Do not allow your partner to treat you like crap, take over the finances or stay out late every night. A relationship is a 50/50 deal and if you start to give in it will be down hill from there and remember that if you do not love and respect yourself your partner will not be able to either.

Answer 5

Because women marry the first jerk that comes accross all romantic.

What, did you think that dishonoring you before marriage is a deep sign of love? You, along with half the women in America, have given yourself away to the lowest bidder because you're in a hurry to experience what you see as the "ultimate expression of love."

If you want to be treated well, you have to demand to be treated well. Don't give a man your most precious gift without a promise and some evidence for collateral. (Marriage and a Ring.)

While I'm not perfect, my wife will always be treated with the respect she deserves. And there are literally millions of men out there just like me. The trouble is, you won't find them hanging out in bars.

Answer 6

Girl i learned that you never tell a man your past and things you go through in life cause they will use i ageinst you to all their power. A man that treat his kids bad is not a man and you get away cause nothing good come out of it. He mess up your finances but its not the end of the world cause a woman all ways come on top in the end.

Answer 7

I am not saying it is your fault that you get taken advantage of. I think any time a person puts their gaurd down it seems to be human nature to take advantage of the weakness. Learn to stand strong, dont be a push over whimp. The trick is not caring if they leave. Knowing you are something special. Take Charge!!!

Answer 8

Because you let it happen! When you first start noticing this behavior, you need to stop it in its tracks. Why should someone else cause you to be miserable and you suffer from serious depression. Make the first move and get out.

Answer 9

It's been my experience that people in general tend to rush into a relationship for one reason; fear of being alone. We see qualities in the other person that we find attractive and become blind to the ones we don't. After awhile, like the shine of a diamond; it fades. And the true person is reveled for who they are. It sounds to me like the relationship your in needs to end quickly. Yes, it will hurt; probably emotionally and financially, but in the bigger picture you will be better off.

Answer 10

Well weren;t you ever told tha men are DOGS. First of all girl stop letting him run over you. as for the children just tell him he can ignore them now but he won't be able to ignore them when you leave his sorry a$$ and he has to pay child support.