please help me?

Question

I am 17 now, and when i was 13 i was in a relationship with this guy kinda, and i got pregnant. my daughter is now 4 years old and happy. but her father and i broke up when i was 16, we still love each other but we just argue a lot and i dont want my daughter to see that...he put his hands on me while she was in the room..and i just think he is setting a bad example for her...but i talked to him this mornin..and he said he cant live his life without me..yada yada, i love you, blah blah...i wanna get back with you...i want ur honest opinion...what should i do? i still love him so much....

Answer 1

Make his chance at a return 100% conditional on getting anger management and couples counseling.

Being a teenager is a difficult, confusing and emotional time. Being a parent is the hardest thing you'll ever do, and it takes patience and consistency. Being a teenaged parent is one of the most stressful situations anyone could be in.

You BOTH need advice and guidance to get through this tremendous challenge. Your daughter has to be your #1 priority, and you come in a close second, because she needs you. He has to take care of himself, you can not change him and you are not his mother.

So INSIST (no exceptions) that he get anger management if he wants to be around his daughter, and that the two of you get help with communicating and sharing responsibilities, especially if he wants you two to be together as a couple - so you can provider her with an emotionally stable home.

Good luck to you and your daughter, and even to him (for her sake).

Answer 2

Staying together for the sake of a child is never the answer. I am happy to see that you realize that this could be a potentially abusive relationship and that you don't want that type of environment for your daughter. You both are still young and share a bond ( your daughter) that can never be broken. Even if you too break up, that doesn't mean that he can't be a father to your daughter. Until things cool a bit make arrangements for him to spend time with his daughter when you are not around. You both should have your daughter's best interest at heart. Do what' best for her. Sometimes mommy and daddy get along better apart and as long as both of you share quality time with her.

Answer 3

NO! Don't do it!!!!

If you return to him now, you will be initiating a vicious cycle of an emotional and physically abusive relationship. Do you really think that he'll never lay his hands on you again? Because he will. Then you'll leave. Then he'll say he's sorry and he loves you so much, and you'll come back. And it will happen again, and again, and your daughter will always be in the middle.

Honey, sometimes love just isn't enough. There has to be respect, too. And apparently he doesn't have enough of that for you. Choose to love your daughter more than him, and stand firm in your decision to leave.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

My kids' father was like this (he was also a control freak) anyhow, you have to ask yourself two questions: A) do I want to live my life this way (constantly arguing everyday)? and B) will my child and I be happy in this type of a household? Children can sense tension and anger and although you love him, you have to put your daughter first. For God sake you already said he put his hands on you with her in the room, you don't want her growing up thinking that it's OK for a man to do that to a woman. I have two daughters and it hurt like hell leaving their father but when I look back at it now, it was the best decision I ever made for both them and me. It's your life, but you want to live a happy and healthy one and if leaving him is what will make things right for you....then just do it.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

Have a heart-to-heart talk with him in person. When you talk, talk with maturity and determination. Let him see that. Tell him that despite your young age, you've matured as a woman due to your past experiences. Ask him if he really loves you and when says he does, you may give him another chance to live with you again not only because you still love him but the great advantage will go to your daughter whose family will be whole again.

Parents should really try hard to make their relationships work for the good of their children. Many kids from broken families are affected by their family breakup that make them feel depressed. This depression may result to their doing things to get the attention of their parents. Or, at the worst scenario, they may indulge themselves in drugs or other illegal endeavors.

But it's also for the good of the children for their parents to separate when there is nor more hope to live together happily instead of bickering and hurling bad words against each other in their children's presence because this scene may also have negative impacts on their children.

If you will have to give the father of your child a second chance to prove to you that he really loves his family, refrain from giving comments about your past with him because men don't usually like that. To them, that is a sort of nagging. Just show him that you really love him by being a good wife and mother to both of them. Be more caring, understanding and loving to him. Give him the best love that you could give him and I'm sure the best love from him will come back to you. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think you should make sure your daughter has adequate child care and get your education. You are a mommy, but you're also starting out in life and a high school diploma (even GED) and technical school degree would be a wonderful way to prepare for your future.

Your young man? See how well he can support your new goals, and use that as a way to gauge his devotion to you.

Answer 7

girl first off this is just a opinion like all the rest of these answers you are going to get...keep that in mind....opinions are just someones thoughts....point being...you have to make your own decision..it is your life and if you love him then try to work things out but make sure you let him know how you feel, especially about putting his hands on you-that is not right-men dont put their hands on women-especially in front of their children.... Think about it like this...Can you imagine him with someone else? If you can then you need to move on but if it kills you just to think about it then you need to give it another shot before you loose him to someone. But go with your heart not with these stupid opinions you are going to get on the internet. Good Luck and i hope things work out for you and your daughter.

Answer 8

Chances are if he put his hands on you once, he'll do it again. You need to think about what is best for your daughter. You need to show her that women should be treated good, not like you are being treated. Think about if your daughter were older and asking you this same question, what would you tell her to do?

Answer 9

He has nager management probelsm which will only get worse if he refuses therapy and medication. He needs lots of help professionaly.

Do not take hiom back. However, if he is in couseling for one year, that's another story, especially if he treats you like gold.

Be sure: he does not love you of he got physical and abuises you.

Answer 10

If you are not ready, then don't do it.

It doesn't sound like you believe him very much.

Don't do it just because you have a child together. Get your education, start a good life for you and your child, then if you still have feelings for this guy, then think about it.

Good Luck!!!