Over the last 10 months I have dated and been engaged to a somone who is use to getting his way. He has a work position in which he always calls the shots; however, in a personal relationship I feel he needs to learn equal peer input and consideration. In addition, the way he deals with conflict resolution is "beat it--i.e meaning he bullys in your face his righteous opinion" or dismisses it--meaning I will avoid this conflict by not having my fiance be part of the weekend with the children and I--only the birthday part piece.
2006-08-29 15:53:40 · 16 answers · asked by Clara 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
IF YOU HAVE TO TEACH HIM,HONEY,HE JUST AIN'T WORTH HAVING! THAT IS WHAT MAMA AND DADDY ARE FOR, TEACHING! GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN STILL RUN OR END UP A STATISTIC!!!
2006-08-29 16:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by mewho? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's your fiance and you don't want him at a child's birthday weekend, just the party, right?
Have a serious talk with him about his behavior first of all. If you two expect the relationship to last, he needs to be open to you, your thoughts, your ideas, your wishes, etc... One sided relationships do NOT work!
Then ask him that since his behavior is so dominant, you feel the weekend would go smoother and be more fun for everyone if he stays home. The children don't need him telling them what to do just yet. That can wait until after the wedding. If there will be other children and relatives there, inform him of that. Not all parents are crazy about the idea of someone else bossing their children or punishing them. Remind him of that. Relatives and other adults don't need to be bossed, period. It's supposed to be a fun time, not a job.
Maybe a weekend without you will remind him of how much you mean to him. The absence might give him some time to think about how he treats you. If he wants to be a bully at work, fine. But he shouldn't be bullying you.
When you get back from your weekend, ask about premarital counseling. Explain to him that you feel there are some issues that need to be worked out before you get married. Many churches offer this as a free service, or for a minimal fee. It's much cheaper than a therapist if money is an issue.
2006-08-29 23:05:22 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that he has been like this the entire ten months, so why is it suddenly a big concern? And why did you ever agree to marry him?
I am guessing that you found his behavior in the work environment attractive or else you wouldnt have over looked it in the personal sense. Not everyone can alter their personality from one scenario to the next.
Trying to change someone is not only unlikely but not fair.
You can voice your opinion, keep playing hide and seek or just move on. Bullies usually get their way. I guess its about seeing which is most important to you? I dont think getting bullied is worth any money in the world or any image status, but thats just me. I would have throw a drink on him the first time I felt degraded or unappreciated. I certainly wouldnt have accepted a ring for a lifetime commitment to it.
2006-08-29 23:36:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A better question is why are you engaged to someone who absolutely does not value your thoughts and opinions. You have put up with his crap for far too long. You will not change him. And since you have been letting him walk all over you for 10 months, now he seems to think you like it. You've created this problem by letting it continue after the first time he did it.
2006-08-29 22:59:02 · answer #4 · answered by rccola1979 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum... tell him you're tired of him bullying you and that you are not gonna take it anymore! When all else fails... withhold sex--- then he'll start listening to how you feel.
If this doesn't work-- call off the wedding. If he loves you he'll get it at some point in this process.... if not call it quits. Do you want to be the one to always give in for the rest of your life? Good Luck!
2006-08-29 23:00:06 · answer #5 · answered by Aquachick1545 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without the kind of compromise you're talking about...you do not have a fiance. You have a custodian or Master. Consider your position carefully.
2006-08-29 22:57:22 · answer #6 · answered by westgaliberty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is not willing to compromise, he doesn't know what true love is. You may want to think long and hard about this. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who isn't willing to compromise?
2006-08-29 22:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the best way is to get a new fiance' because you can not change someone. He is who he is and you either love him for being him or you don't. If you are already wanting to change him you are in for a rough ride in marriage
2006-08-29 22:57:05 · answer #8 · answered by Chief 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Beware—after marriage people with behavior problems only get worse. Why do you want to marry him?
2006-08-29 23:04:15 · answer #9 · answered by motorcyclegrandmama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
people do not learn how to be better people, they are born good people, there really is no way to change him, might as well give up and find a new fiance
2006-08-29 23:03:18 · answer #10 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋