SERIOUS problem.. Do you think I over reacted?

Question

The other night I was having a discussion with my parents about religion and laws.. We got to talking about Gay Marriages and my father said to me "Dont talk about that it will only turn into an argument" I said "the only way this could turn into an argument is because im for it, so you both (meaning mum and dad) must be against it" He looked at me (shocked that I stood up to him) and said "Well yeah and Im not going to explain it" I stormed out of the house and I havent spoken to them in 3 days. This has upset me because of these reasons 1. I talk to my mum about marrying my partner all the time (same sex) and she has lied to my face about been sweet with it
2. They are my parents and when I told them about my partner they supported me 100% and now this. They dont care about my happiness obviously as they know how bad I want to marry my parnter.
I am a very passionate person and gay marriages is on the top of my list, and they know this! Help please.. advice.. anything!

Thankyou so much.. I really appreciate your answers!
I have a really close relationship with my mum and she always tells me that I can talk to her about anything and that she supports me in everything I do as long as I am happy. My partner has made me happier then I ever imagined and everyone can see that, and with the 1 thing that I want more then anything, marriage, the support is not there. I will get over it.. it just bites!

Answer 1

I don't know if you overreacted or not, unfortunately both you and your parents seemed to only provide your own views and did not give a chance for a diologue to be opened.

This may be a good thing, seeing as this seems to be a very incindary topic for you and your parents.

One odd thing about people in general and especially people of the older generations (i shudder to think your parents are probally not much older than i) and this whole Gay Marriage thing.

Marriage is the problem for 90% of the people out there. I dont know how many people I know say they "tolerate homosexuality" but when the idea of marriage between same sex couples come up THEN it becomes personal.

I am a heterosexuall that is totally for homosexuality between those who chose that path and belive that gay marriage is correct and should be around, so I dont understand this point of view.

I just think in light of this I feel, at least your mother, has accepted you and your choice, but the opposition of gay marriage is not personal to you, its just that to many people Marriage is this institution that transcends everything : laws, common sense and family.

You three will get over this, passion is always a good thing within families.

Answer 2

You stood up for yourself and your partner on one of the most personal and important issues in your life. That's not over reacting, that's being healthy. You parents may just need to time to digest that you really are not "in a phase." Now might be the first time that it's really sinking in that it's forever and always. Give them some space. If they've been supportive so far, they aren't going to walk away. So, think about giving everybody a few days to contemplate, and then simply hold your ground. Explain to them it's not a discussion topic but a measure of how much they support and love and respect you if that's how you feel. Ya know, let them know how deeply they can affect you by their attitude while also letting them know it's not open for debate. You're an adult. You're not the only one with decisions to make about the way of the relationship you all share. That in itself can be really difficult for parents, never mind your orientation or present situation. Relax, have faith in yourself, it'll work out, it just may require some deep breaths along the way. Good luck.

Answer 3

From the sounds of it you both over reacted as you both have very passionate feelings about your points of view. Your mom is never going to tell you she disagrees with your choice of a mate if she truely loves you,even though she knows she is lying. Dont be upset for that, please. She is just doing what she thinks is best so as not to lose your realationship as a mother and child. Fathers tend to think if the child is gay/lesiban it is because they did something wrong in the way they raised you. We know it is not true, but it is how quite a few of them feel. It takes time for parents to really understand
1) This is just who you are and how you are and it is never going to change
2) The most important thing in a partner is not if they are the same of different gender, but that they treat you well and truely love you and are faithful to you.
They come from a different generation when gay was a dirty word and something you hid to comform. Times change, but they have to over come how they were raised before they can accpet who you are. Please try to understand that in the future.

On a side note:if your state legaized gay marriages, I hope you and your partner have a beautiful wedding and a blessed marriage full of happiness. Congrats on finding a wonderful person to share your life with.

Answer 4

You are an adult and out of your parents home , You do not need their approval or support . You desire their approval and their support . It is possible to want happiness for your child and wish him/herthe best without supporting their decisions in life . I have no doubt that your parents love you and support you in the wish for your happiness and in the fact that they want the best that life has to offer for you . You have to decide now if you want to continue the relationship with your parents and on what terms that relationship will continue . It may be necessary to accept the fact that they do not believe in the right of gay men and women to marry , but do support your right to live a happy and full life with the partner of your choice . By pushing the issue and making them choose to tell you they do not support gay marriage it hurt you , but it also has hurt them I suspect that they didn't want to go there with you and to continue to force the issue may cause a irreparable rift in the relationship . It is best in most case to agree to disagree for the sake of the relationship you have with your parents .

Answer 5

I know this hurts you but listen OK? You shocked Dad and Mom was in a corner, Let things calm down and it might take some time, Stand up for what you feel you should stand up for being you but while things are calming down don't keep bringing it up let it sit still till they talk to you then remind Dad how much you love them and don't want to hurt them like you hope they don't want to hurt you.

PS. I had a friend come out almost in the same things happen to her also and it took a year b4 Mom & Dad came around. I wish you all the best.

Answer 6

You are of an age that you no longer NEED parents. Your parents have done the best they can with what they had. IF you choose, you can remain friends, or you can go your separate ways. Trust me, there will come a day when you will want family back into your life. Chill out, stop trying to force your beliefs on your parents, and they will stop with arguing with you. There is really no need to discuss this any further with them. Go about your life. IF they invite you over, then ask if the "you" includes your other half. IF not, decline graciously. IF yes, then go and relax. Your parents will get used to the idea slowly and all will be fine. Stop trying to force the issue. Good luck

Answer 7

Why ought to you ask once you're over-reacting? A husband not coming domicile, on a similar time once, is a really vast deal, now to not indicate as frequently as you're saying. i have been married 7 years and if my hubby did this once, he'd more beneficial valuable have a useful rationalization (yet he would not do it). Have more beneficial appreciate for your self and, maximum important, end having toddlers with this clown. your toddlers deserve a much more beneficial valuable father.

Answer 8

Well.....I don't agree with homosexuality in any way , but if that is how you feel then your parents should love you no matter what. They may not support the idea, but they should still love YOU and support YOU.

You stood up for yourself and that's a very good thing. Evidentally you are an adult and you are old enough to make your own decisions.

Answer 9

It's not likely an argument you are going to win. I wish I could tell you different but that would be lying. The best you can hope for is that they will eventually come around. They are your parents so I'd just try to forgive them and hope someday they understand.

Answer 10

You didn't over react at all. Now that you are not living under their roof you really don't have to live by their terms. If my parents were against me and My other half that much, I'd have left and told them directly that a) I won't be back and b) this was their decision they can deal with the consequences.